Angry Bitter Husband

I apologise for coming from a place of negativity but I have seen this play out in my life.

I went to uni with a lovely guy, bright, interesting, lively and super fun but in 100% absolute denial regards his diabetes. In fact more than that - he actively did everything he was told not to with an odd kind of grim satisfaction.

He died, young alone and in a poor physical state - he lost toes, his circulation was shot his feet were a mess and he was in pain. He just got angrier and angrier and it ate him up. The more diabetes kicked back the wilder he got. from his late teens to his thirties it was just an upward spiral of poor choices and bad behaviour. Diabetes was the cause and the excuse for everything. His long term partner left as he just couldn't deal.

It was like a madness, he couldn't be talked to, reasoned with or educated. All other aspects of his life he was intelligent and insightful but this one thing he was, sadly, closed off to.

Near the end, he mentioned in a state of angst that he always knew that diabetes would kill him. The poor man was dying but I had to resist the urge to shake him and say that this was 100 percent his own doing. No one or nothing else, it was all him.

(I should mention he was supported, offered counselling, interventions, was part of a fantastic diabetic clinic and had an outstanding diabetic nurse but he would lie, evade, object or disrupt and actively disengage - I mention this to show that with all the hope/support/interventions in the world unless the person themselves want to change any assistance is ultimately going to fail)

It isn't your job to keep him off the sauce, steer him round the supermarket & generally mind his blood sugar & his temper.

It's his.

Daughter may have some input, but she has other things to think about & will soon have another responsibility by way of a husband.

Make plans to get you & son out of the house. Simpler before Christmas, not least as (a) all shelters are more crowded after & (b) a solitary Christmas might be the shock he needs to take responsibility for himself.

Sure there's "in sickness & in health", but there is also a certain amount of protecting what you have like your son & daughter.

"At least 7 years to go" on what? and can it be worth the damage that can happen in another 7 years? I don't usually advocate leaving, but I think this is a tragedy unrolling, and it makes sense to me to get out of the way.

I am sorry coffeehound but that is skirting the issue.

The op has to decide herself the best course of action for her but she needs also to protect her son/ daughter and herself. Letting him drink to excess and then returning home doesnt protect them from his anger and volatility when they return.

You do need proper advice urgently as to a safe place and I`d suggest CAB as well as a domestic violence unit. This may not be physical but it is certainly emotional abuse.

If you threw away his alcohol I think it is likely you would be assaulted.

You cannot gamble on your own personal safety and that of your children.

I agree it is a short term measure but it sounds as tho` this situation could very quickly escalate so emergency measures might be best.

What local initiatives are there in your area who could possibly help plus could extended family help?

Also sadly there are no guarantees that his anger might not spill over when they return to the house.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/