Nosey Ex..

Comms69 · 3 December 2019 at 5:44PM

Loulabear wrote: »

I set up little 'traps' so I could see if the door had been opened etc..
He knows I've met someone else as hes 'warned me'not to bring him to 'our' house as he doesn't know how he will react.
To be fair he moved on to someone else whilst we were together

Ah I see. So evidence of this guy being there?

Perhaps best to for the time being to visit him at his home. Not that you should have to, but perhaps to keep the peace - it's not going to be forever

If you want the legal position on this, you need to tell him the behaviour is inappropriate and unwanted; document this in a text or something. So if it does escalate you have evidence.

It's borderline abusive behaviour and you could potentially get an injunction, but as you said you risk the mortgage payments drying up

Comms69 · 3 December 2019 at 5:47PM

Loulabear wrote: »

I've spoken to him about it before and he said if I have nothing to hide then I should not be bothered.. hes clinging on to this last little bit of control I think.

I've got a thread on about a not dissimilar dynamic. What is his concern?

He know's you're seeing someone. Is this about interacting with the child? Or about your love life?

Loulabear · 3 December 2019 at 5:53PM

He did it before he knew I was seeing someone. The guy I'm seeing doesn't come to my house I go to his. I dont want my children to see my ex lose his temper if he sees the new guy at the house. It's not fair on them.

gomer · 3 December 2019 at 5:58PM

Unroll some condoms. Squirt a bit of Jif inside the end of them & leave them laying on the bed or the bedroom floor. Think of some really gut wrenchingly disgusting things you can leave about the bedroom. Give him something to look at next time he noses.

Socajam · 3 December 2019 at 7:01PM

As you said, you have not bought the new boyfriend to the house and I would not in your position.
Once the house is sold and you have your own place, then you can do what you want in a place that is yours 100%.
As someone suggested, get a safe to store all your important information in it.
For the time being change all your bank details and important information that may come in the mail to a family address. The last thing you need is for him to get his hands on these (credit card and bank statements - or go paperless - much easier).
Make sure you have a really tight password for these accounts and do not save them on the computer.

Savvy_Sue · 3 December 2019 at 9:03PM

Filing cabinet? Would at least some of the children's presents fit in there? You can then say you've locked it because the children were starting to snoop. I agree it doesn't look great in a bedroom, but wherever you can put it really!

Alternative, is have you got anyone who'd let you store stuff there? New b/f, perhaps?

Have you gone to mediation yet? Might be worth raising it there ...

barbiedoll · 3 December 2019 at 10:48PM

This is horrible behaviour and even if the house does jointly belong to him, it doesn’t give him the right to snoop through your personal things. My husband doesn’t do that to me, nor I to him, and we actually live together.

I don’t see how putting a lock on your bedroom door is a problem. He may own half of the house, but you also own half, and you’re the one that is living there, paying the bills and maintaining the place. Tell him that he does not have permission to enter your bedroom, and that you are putting a lock on the door. You are perfectly entitled to your privacy, especially now that you are living apart, he has no right to go rummaging through your stuff.

You need to stand up to him, it doesn’t matter about your new partner, or about you having “anything to hide”, it’s no longer any of his business. Stop putting up with this. Get the lock installed and if he kicks the door in, report him to the police for criminal damage and abusive behaviour. And sort out your finances properly. If you can’t afford the place on your own, sell it and get a place that you can afford. You shouldn’t have to live like this, you’re separated and your life is now your own. Stop pandering to him and enabling this behaviour, it’s outrageous and not acceptable.

onwards&upwards · 4 December 2019 at 12:00AM

This is a call Women’s Aid and file a report with the police situation.

It’s seriously creepy, controlling and highly inappropriate.

Men like this can escalate, he has zero respect for you as a human being, so get advice on staying safe.

ToxicWomble · 4 December 2019 at 1:44PM

The root cause of the issue is that for whatever reason the property still remains half his.
Until that changes and he co to yes to pay towards the mortgage, you have no legal right to prevent him entering HIS property. (Albeit yours as well)
It seems this situation has been allowed because it is financially of benefit to you (?). If this is the case you need to decide which is more important- removing his right of access or losing a few £

T.T.D · 4 December 2019 at 4:34PM

Whilst you can not prevent access to the jointly owned home through the front door, you do not have give carte Blanche to the whole house, You are the main occupant, he has in effect given up his occupancy rights,(he would need to go court to get an occupant order to move back in to regain those rights) he has rights to enter into the property to get property and belongings, but if he is gaining access to snoop and satisfy perverse desires or harass then you need to seek a solicitor who help get a anti molestation order against his behaviour. Hope this helps.

Nosey Ex..

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