Nosey Ex..

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Loulabear
Loulabear Posts: 8 Forumite
in Marriage, relationships & families
Just after a little bit of advice..
My ex and I jointly have a mortgage on a house which we have currently put up for sale.
He chose to move out and stay at his mums whilst I remain at the house with my 2 children (aged 13 and 3. 3yr old is biologically his).
We still pay half the mortgage each but I pay for all remaining bills which is fair enough. I havent pursued him for CSA related payments as he will probably stop paying the mortgage in retaliation which wouldnt be ideal.
I know I cant stop him from entering the house as he does jointly own it. I am however, getting a little irritated by him going into my bedroom and looking through my things whilst I'm out at work. None of his belongings are in this room anymore.
If I was to put a lock on my bedroom door to prevent this would I be doing anything wrong? If he really felt the need to look at whatever he desperately feels the need to look at whilst I'm.not there he would then have to contact me and I could open the door and he could look whilst I'm in the room. Surely that's not unreasonable? Theres a lot of personal/private/high value items in there that I'm not comfortable with him rummaging through.

Thanks in advance!!
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  • kazwookie
    kazwookie Posts: 13,842 Forumite
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    Can you buy a safe and lock them in it?
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  • pickledonionspaceraider
    pickledonionspaceraider Posts: 2,698 Forumite
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    This is creepy isnt it - how dya know he is doing it?

    Is he snooping to find evidence of a new partner?

    Or do you think he is a thief?

    I would hate this too, but I don't think you can stop him from going into a room in a house he is paying half the mortgage for - unless anyone knows any better.
    With love, POSR <3
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    What is he looking for?
  • Loulabear
    Loulabear Posts: 8 Forumite
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    It's all the children's christmas presents as well so wont fit. Just very frustrating he feels the need to go through my belongings
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »
    This is creepy isnt it - how dya know he is doing it?

    Is he snooping to find evidence of a new partner?

    Or do you think he is a thief?

    I would hate this too, but I don't think you can stop him from going into a room in a house he is paying half the mortgage for - unless anyone knows any better.



    I'd say that whilst the ordinary action of going into a room would be lawful, the rummaging through her things may actually amount to harassment.


    It's a bit like saying it's legal to call or text someone, but if you do it a 100 times in an hour, there's going to be some awkward questions.
  • pickledonionspaceraider
    pickledonionspaceraider Posts: 2,698 Forumite
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    Comms69 wrote: »
    I'd say that whilst the ordinary action of going into a room would be lawful, the rummaging through her things may actually amount to harassment.


    .

    Oh yes, you are right- I am wondering what could be done about this? A solicitor or something? I dont know

    OP your ex sounds like a pant sniffer

    Sorry Im just trying to inject some humour into this horrible situation hah
    With love, POSR <3
  • Loulabear
    Loulabear Posts: 8 Forumite
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    I set up little 'traps' so I could see if the door had been opened etc..
    He knows I've met someone else as hes 'warned me'not to bring him to 'our' house as he doesn't know how he will react.
    To be fair he moved on to someone else whilst we were together
  • pickledonionspaceraider
    pickledonionspaceraider Posts: 2,698 Forumite
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    Oh dear, what a strange situation

    It sounds like, whilst he is paying the mortgage, or part of, he can hold you to ransom like this - which defo is not fair

    If you did go down the CSA route, would that mean losing a lot of cash, if he stopped paying his half of the mortgage?

    When he says he doesnt know how he will react, are you nervous of this? Maybe that is what he is checking for eh
    With love, POSR <3
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »
    Oh yes, you are right- I am wondering what could be done about this? A solicitor or something? I dont know

    OP your ex sounds like a pant sniffer

    Sorry Im just trying to inject some humour into this horrible situation hah



    I think in this case a frank discussion is the starting point. Ultimately it can end up being a police matter, but that escalates things massively.


    And I don't think the blunt hammer of the criminal justice system is a good way to settle what is a relatively minor issue. I accept OP this isn't minor to you, otherwise you wouldn't post. It's just you risk things escalating significantly.
  • Loulabear
    Loulabear Posts: 8 Forumite
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    I've spoken to him about it before and he said if I have nothing to hide then I should not be bothered.. hes clinging on to this last little bit of control I think.
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