Would you marry again if you were widowed?

Person_one · 6 October 2016 at 10:28AM

thorsoak wrote: »

If that's what he wants - then why shouldn't he? After all, that's how a lot of students live!

I didn't say he shouldn't, I said my grandmother wants him married off so he doesn't.

DigForVictory · 6 October 2016 at 11:10AM

I agree with grandmother - if I die, I'd like my husband to remarry. He has his good points & will need someone to remind him to take his pills. If he's happy, then then sons will be downright ecstatic. As a doddering Dad is a definite handful, and if you're planning a family, you may not have planned having to cope with two sizes of nappies.

silvercar · 6 October 2016 at 11:36AM

OH and I have been married for nearly 30 years, although I can't imagine life with anyone else, we both agree that we would want to other to be happy and we know that we function better as part of a couple rather than single. Both of us would be happy for the other to form a new long term relationship.

catkins · 6 October 2016 at 1:05PM

pineapple wrote: »

I would look at it from the opposite point of view. If someone had no history of commitment I would be very very wary....

Yes I guess you could look at it like that.

As I said, when I was younger and before I met OH I always thought I would not want to get involved with a man who had been married before or had children. Luckily OH hadn't been married or had any children.

Now I am in my 60's and would not be interested in marrying again if OH died. If however, I were going to think about it, I wouldn't be bothered if they had been married before and if they had grown up children I probably wouldn't care but not keen on grandchildren.

I know quite a few people, male and female, who have got involved with someone with children and/or grandchildren and in almost all cases there have been problems caused by the children and/or grandchildren.

mumps · 6 October 2016 at 4:35PM

catkins wrote: »

Yes I guess you could look at it like that.

As I said, when I was younger and before I met OH I always thought I would not want to get involved with a man who had been married before or had children. Luckily OH hadn't been married or had any children.

Now I am in my 60's and would not be interested in marrying again if OH died. If however, I were going to think about it, I wouldn't be bothered if they had been married before and if they had grown up children I probably wouldn't care but not keen on grandchildren.

I know quite a few people, male and female, who have got involved with someone with children and/or grandchildren and in almost all cases there have been problems caused by the children and/or grandchildren.

I had a step father and I always said I would never want step children. I think it takes a very special person to treat someone elses children the same as their own and I don't think I'm that special. If you know you can't do a job then leave it to someone else.

seven-day-weekend · 6 October 2016 at 5:27PM

mumps wrote: »

I had a step father and I always said I would never want step children. I think it takes a very special person to treat someone elses children the same as their own and I don't think I'm that special. If you know you can't do a job then leave it to someone else.

I would not make a good stepmother unless the children were grown up.

duchy · 7 October 2016 at 9:04AM

I didn't expect or go looking for a new relationship but I have two adult step children and four step grandchildren. There are no problems however I think marrying someone with grown children is very different to marrying someone still raising their children and having to take on some form of parental role. I'm not sure I'd have wanted to do that.

mumps · 7 October 2016 at 12:41PM

duchy wrote: »

I didn't expect or go looking for a new relationship but I have two adult step children and four step grandchildren. There are no problems however I think marrying someone with grown children is very different to marrying someone still raising their children and having to take on some form of parental role. I'm not sure I'd have wanted to do that.

Yes I think grown up children are very different as are grandchildren. I had a difficult relationship with my step father but when my children came along he was a good grandfather and they loved him.

pineapple · 7 October 2016 at 12:48PM

catkins wrote: »

and in almost all cases there have been problems caused by the children and/or grandchildren.

I suspect it's worse when it's the kids of a separated/divorced partner - ie former partner still around.
My partner's 7 year old used to spend the occasional weekend with us. I'm not naturally good with kids anyway and it was a nightmare. She would play one side against the other - ie tell us she didn't want to go home to mum then tell her mum she didn't want to stay with us.
Or it was 'Mummy says you have to buy me this...'
In the house she would always make a point of sitting inbetween us. Once I caught sight of some schoolwork - all about her visit to see daddy (with drawings) - and no reference to me at all!

Of course I knew where this was coming from. It must have been difficult for the poor kid. But part of me still wanted to give her a shake and say 'Look you little brat...'
Like I say - not good with kids! :rotfl:

catkins · 7 October 2016 at 2:10PM

duchy wrote: »

I didn't expect or go looking for a new relationship but I have two adult step children and four step grandchildren. There are no problems however I think marrying someone with grown children is very different to marrying someone still raising their children and having to take on some form of parental role. I'm not sure I'd have wanted to do that.

I am sure there are many people, male and female, who have no problems with step children or step grandchildren but I seem to know many that do - maybe that is just my friends!

I know one couple, she is late 50's and has 5 children and 16 grandchildren! He is early 70's and has 1 daughter and no grandchildren. They have been together for about 15 years. There have been quite a few problems over the years with her children but now there are loads of various problems with her grandchildren and it is causing loads of rows

Would you marry again if you were widowed?

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