Renovations and Repayments II: New Year, New Start, New Diary.

Well done Alex on what you have achieved this month.

Please try to ignore the comments from your parents, you will find a way to do this I'm sure.

Looking forward to seeing your goals for February.

Take care.

I would also have managed that particular encounter somewhat differently, but my reaction would have featured expletives!

We know one family where there's an element of domineering parents/'generous' with strings and snippy comments, but they have had enough and are buying parents out of family house/cutting ties re. shared investments etc. It is causing them a lot of stress, but they want to be in a position where their finances are completely separate and they can tell parents to butt out.

There is no point offering help and/or generosity over the years if it will be held as a rod to beat you with.

Alex - if your Dad is effectively living in the past - is it because he doesn't have anything to focus on in the present? I know spending time with his son and grandchild should be enough to keep him occupied, but he needs something for himself. It sounds a bit like he domineered his way through several decades of money making, retired and sits around pining for the days when he was a 'big deal'...

LadyGnome wrote: »

Alex I think you might benefit from developing some standard responses to your parents especially your Mum.
e.g.
-You should be giving your son a decent education
- He is happy and learning well

-We sacrificed for your education
- We have chosen the approach that suits him best. He is happy and learning well.

Don't engage in a discussion
-You will waste your salary
- We will use it to meet our financial goals

- You are going to throw it away on a sports car
- We have financial goals we are working towards successfully.


You can't win the argument with your Mother because she doesn't want to or can't shift her view of you. However, it takes two to argue so if you disengage she doesn't get the feedback / reward and the springboard for her next comment. It just turns into a pointless monologue.

Great ideas here LadyGnome, I've said it before there is no winning with mother as she will always find a way to turn it against Alex. Let her do that all she wants but just don't let it get to you.

I personally would have stopped sharing stuff with her long ago, just being polite, talk about the weather, TV progs, music or other 'safe' subject but certainly not giving her ammunition - keep your plans etc to yourself and keep giving LGs inspired standard responses to any of her views. It's a shame, you may feel you are not sharing your life with her but frankly she has given up any right to be part of your hopes, plans and thoughts with her continued nastiness over many years. Don't let her keep bringing you down. Your father made his choice and he HAS to deal with her, you don't, you can limit the time she has to snipe by limiting contact. Whenever you do that your natural enthusiasm comes through in your posts, when you have been with her too much your posts get more bleak. See you father on his own, you seem more able to deal with his way of looking back.

Take care

Daisy

Ps is it only me who sometimes gets a vision of this household like Ronnie Corbett 's mum and dad in 'sorry' - sorry Alex :ono idea how far off the mark I am there but it sometimes comes into my head unbidden. I think Corbett 's mum would have been eaten alive by yours though :rotfl:

It's a shame that we have to suggest 'managing' Alex's parents - I'd dearly like to be able to have a serious conversation with my Dad - even if it was just for him to make snippy comments and act like a !!!!! Unfortunately I've got a Dad who refuses to engage in any conversation about life beyond his job or most recent holiday - maybe I'm being managed? :rotfl: