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  • FIRST POST
    • MillsMolls
    • By MillsMolls 6th Nov 18, 4:32 PM
    • 17Posts
    • 1Thanks
    MillsMolls
    out of place at work
    • #1
    • 6th Nov 18, 4:32 PM
    out of place at work 6th Nov 18 at 4:32 PM
    Hello

    I am new to this forum and am looking for some advice.

    I have been in my job for almost a year and with the company for 10 years, but I have never experienced anything like this. I am signed off work and am going back to the doctor tomorrow. This whole experience has affected my self esteem. I feel sad all the time and can't sleep and am always close to tears.

    I think people in my team just don't like me, I believe I haven't done anything to warrant their behaviour.

    My first day in my job was not like a normal first day, no-one knew I was coming and I was the first one in and had no idea where to sit, so I waited for my manager to walk in. I was given stacks of paperwork to read through and then left to sit with a colleague who wasn't friendly at all and huffed at everything I had to be shown. I left there not wanting to come back but told myself it was early days.

    Fast forward to this year and its got worse, no-one speaks to me even though I make the effort to start a conversation. I recently went on holiday and not a single person said "have a nice hol" people never say "morning" or "have a good weekend"

    Am I being overly sensitive or is this just the way places run these days? As I said before, I have never encountered such unfriendliness in my previous department.
Page 3
    • Manxman in exile
    • By Manxman in exile 7th Nov 18, 7:19 PM
    • 1,598 Posts
    • 1,231 Thanks
    Manxman in exile
    Maybe, but we spend so much time at work, so why not just be polite to each other
    Originally posted by MillsMolls

    That would be nice, but I'm not sure that it's a realistic expectation theses days. There's not a lot of politeness going around.


    If you decide to leave and get another job, bear in mind it isn't always "greener on the other side of the hill." I learned that to my cost when I left the firm of chartered accountants and joined the local authority.


    But if it's affecting your mental health so much, you probably ought to leave...
    • Tigsteroonie
    • By Tigsteroonie 7th Nov 18, 7:20 PM
    • 22,975 Posts
    • 57,597 Thanks
    Tigsteroonie
    I do work for a large well known organisation and yes some of you might see it as a joke and wonder if itís anyone from your office, but this is not a laugh for me, itís torture.
    Originally posted by MillsMolls
    Apologies, I did not mean to upset you further. I don't think it's a joke, I think it's a situation that any one of us could find ourselves either in or inadvertently creating.
    Mrs Marleyboy

    MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote

    Proud Parents to an Au-some son
    • Les79
    • By Les79 7th Nov 18, 7:28 PM
    • 586 Posts
    • 686 Thanks
    Les79
    The only reason I donít touch their sweets/cakes is because they put their cakes next to their bank of desks and as stupid as it might sound but Iím terrified of going up there. Iíve only been up there once and saw the way they looked at each other. I did say thanks and happy birthday to whoever it was.

    There is a central back of desks for treats and thatís where they should normally go and thatís where I put mine from my holiday.

    I can speak to HR but I donít see how they will agree to just move me. I canít go back to my old team as there are no vacancies. I donít want to resign as I have worked very hard for this company.

    I do work for a large well known organisation and yes some of you might see it as a joke and wonder if itís anyone from your office, but this is not a laugh for me, itís torture.
    Originally posted by MillsMolls


    I have been working in my new role for a while now. In truth, I don't really *fit in* because it is very cliquey and I'm quiet. I've worked really hard and gone through all sorts of rubbish to get this opportunity (they typically employ early 20s students who have just graduated so I'm like a senior citizen in comparison; and at their age I was flipping burgers at McDonalds).


    I have been keeping my own records of my competence, as well as joining the union early on, just as a bit of a buffer if anything comes back on me.


    Aside from that, I simply focus on being competent and getting the job done. And being nice to people when they are nice to me. And, to be fair, making some efforts to get to know people (shamefully, I document these in case I get stitched up and get put on performance review for being "too quiet").


    I wouldn't say I suffer from mental health issues per se (hinting at your inner turmoil RE: the counselling. BTW I go to GA meetings weekly and talking about that stuff really helps me to deal with the problems), but I am a secret (internal) worrier. I literally worry about every interaction with my manager and with other people. Someone who doesn't say goodbye to me at the end of the day doesn't like me... But, personally, I've spent a long time tackling my own thought processes and generally I can recognise that:


    1. There is usually some external factor affecting people (I'm overthinking it)


    2. Point 1. is backed up by the fact that, on occasion, people are FRIENDLIER THAN USUAL towards me (people sometimes have off-days)


    3. I'm a miserable-looking get with socialising not being my strongest point, so I need to at least make sure I have qualities which the employer recognises and appreciates (adapt or die)


    It is all about earning your coin at the end of the day and, as long as they aren't trying to stitch you up, it is best just accepting the situation as it is and trying to take it a bit less critically. Maybe also seek alternative employment in the meantime. If the colleagues are truly intimidating then either just keep your head down and show your other qualities to ensure survival, or maybe find at least one person whom you can have social interactions with (just don't emotionally dump on them!).
    • ~Daisy 81~
    • By ~Daisy 81~ 8th Nov 18, 3:23 AM
    • 44 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    ~Daisy 81~
    I know how you feel, in my job im made to feel lower than a piece of crap, nearly all staff are horrible to me and some have actively planned to ruin my relationship which failed. People are right it's not worth your health, a job is a job.
    • MillsMolls
    • By MillsMolls 8th Nov 18, 8:30 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    MillsMolls
    An alternative point of view:

    Your colleagues are seeing someone who comes in each day, refuses to talk to anyone, avoids their desks like the plague and only talks to people she used to work with from another department. Won't ask for help when she's stuck until it's too late which takes twice as long for people to then sort.
    Originally posted by elsien
    True, but they don't know who I lunch with. I say hello etc but they choose not to answer. I do ask for help but am met with a frosty reception and by no means are they having to correct my work
    • MillsMolls
    • By MillsMolls 8th Nov 18, 8:31 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    MillsMolls
    I know how you feel, in my job im made to feel lower than a piece of crap, nearly all staff are horrible to me and some have actively planned to ruin my relationship which failed. People are right it's not worth your health, a job is a job.
    Originally posted by ~Daisy 81~
    Hi Daisy, i'm sorry to hear you are in the same boat as me. I hope it gets better for both of us x
    • MillsMolls
    • By MillsMolls 8th Nov 18, 8:36 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    MillsMolls
    Develop resilience and look to move on to pastures new. I'm guessing snowflake generation.
    Originally posted by ohreally

    I have no idea what you mean
    • MillsMolls
    • By MillsMolls 8th Nov 18, 8:37 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    MillsMolls
    I have been working in my new role for a while now. In truth, I don't really *fit in* because it is very cliquey and I'm quiet. I've worked really hard and gone through all sorts of rubbish to get this opportunity (they typically employ early 20s students who have just graduated so I'm like a senior citizen in comparison; and at their age I was flipping burgers at McDonalds).


    I have been keeping my own records of my competence, as well as joining the union early on, just as a bit of a buffer if anything comes back on me.


    Aside from that, I simply focus on being competent and getting the job done. And being nice to people when they are nice to me. And, to be fair, making some efforts to get to know people (shamefully, I document these in case I get stitched up and get put on performance review for being "too quiet").


    I wouldn't say I suffer from mental health issues per se (hinting at your inner turmoil RE: the counselling. BTW I go to GA meetings weekly and talking about that stuff really helps me to deal with the problems), but I am a secret (internal) worrier. I literally worry about every interaction with my manager and with other people. Someone who doesn't say goodbye to me at the end of the day doesn't like me... But, personally, I've spent a long time tackling my own thought processes and generally I can recognise that:


    1. There is usually some external factor affecting people (I'm overthinking it)


    2. Point 1. is backed up by the fact that, on occasion, people are FRIENDLIER THAN USUAL towards me (people sometimes have off-days)


    3. I'm a miserable-looking get with socialising not being my strongest point, so I need to at least make sure I have qualities which the employer recognises and appreciates (adapt or die)


    It is all about earning your coin at the end of the day and, as long as they aren't trying to stitch you up, it is best just accepting the situation as it is and trying to take it a bit less critically. Maybe also seek alternative employment in the meantime. If the colleagues are truly intimidating then either just keep your head down and show your other qualities to ensure survival, or maybe find at least one person whom you can have social interactions with (just don't emotionally dump on them!).
    Originally posted by Les79
    I thought I was over thinking it, but I don't feel I am
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