Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

dreaming wrote: »

Actually Annadale, I totally agree with you that it IS unfair that Mooloo has to bear the brunt of helping her son, and "someone" needs to try to sort the HB arrears etc. However, I think that Mooloo has found (as I did) that there isn't anyone else who is going to step up and help (I know Biggest did what she could when she could but obviously can't help now).
Until my eldest's life unravelled 4 years ago I believed that there was help available for those in desperate need, and whilst I was initially happy to house her it was under the illusion that such help would be there to help her get back on her feet. I soon found out that there is very little help at all, and believe me I tried every avenue I could - spending hours on the internet, ringing people, writing letters, and usually being referred back to the beginning. At the same time trying to encourage eldest (who was considering suicide at that point), getting medical/psychological help and driving to appointments etc. Finally, last year the diagnosis of ASD was made (so 3 years from initial breakdown). In all that time the only financial help was eldest was put on minimum JSA (even though she was unable to work due to mental state but was not approved for ESA). I am retired, and although fortunate to own my own house my income is limited. Her father (my exH who is still working) visited us 2 or 3 times in the 4 years, always telling us how much he would like to help but he had no spare money (although managed to go on hoilday a couple of times in the period, and bought himself new computer and music instruments) but would always tell us to keep our chins up and he was thinking of us. That wasn't much help in our darkest times I have to say. When eldest moved in with new partner (against my advice as I could see the financial situation of partner was precarious) I had a few brief weeks of relative peace until they were evicted (partly because partner's ESA had been messed up, although also partly through her lack of budgetting skills) they had to move in with me because the council said they weren't priority, and even if they were, there were no wheelchair-suitable properties available. So it began again - the ringing people, writing letters (to official and voluntary bodies and councillors and MPs), waiting for appointments and being referred to somewhere else just to be referred back again, providing endless amounts of documentation (which the council kept losing). Everyone I spoke to couldn't believe there was not help available for them and that they would really be on the streets if they weren't with me - but they would have been. They finally were given some help after CAB lawyer showed the council were in breach of their statutory duties, and I had to write a letter to council to say I was evicting them (even then the council visited me to ask why they couldn't stay - these aren't "young" adults by the way as both are over 30). It has taken me the best part of the summer to recover some sort of equilibrium in my life but my belief in any official help being readily available has been shattered. Yes, my child has 2 parents, as does partner, but what do you do if 3 of the 4 aren't able, or willing, to help
That's why I understand that although Mooloo has been advised (and knows herself anyway) that she "shouldn't" be having to do what she does for any of her children, I also know that she probably feels as I did - that she has no choice.
Sorry Mooloo - don't want to take over your thread. Just want you to know that people do understand why you do what you do - even though it seems to go against all logic.
Take care.