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    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 10:00 AM
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    Mica98
    Is my mom charging too much?
    • #1
    • 18th Oct 19, 10:00 AM
    Is my mom charging too much? 18th Oct 19 at 10:00 AM
    Hi, so I am currently working part time and studying with the OU. I earn 700 a month and my mom takes 250 in board (reduced from 350), on top of that I have over 200 of my own bills to pay. I'm a bit annoyed as she has started asking me to pay bills out of my own money, is that not what board is for? I'd like to add that as I'm studying with the OU, I'm not entitled to a Student loan, so I don't have any extra money.

    Do you think this is fair? And before anyone says "wait until you have your own place" I most likely will have graduated by then and have a full time job.
Page 2
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 11:21 AM
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    Mica98
    My bills are my savings, transport (I can't drive as I can't afford lessons anymore) and a big purchase that I'm paying off. My mom really wanted a dyson hoover so I'm struggling to pay it off, but once I have, that'll be some extra money in my pocket. Also, the electricity runs out quite quickly as my mom does a few loads of washing per day and uses the dryer (I don't understand since it's only the two of us). I work 7 days (well evenings) a week and I study during the day. I live right next to my work which is also stressing me since my boss has started to take advantage of this, as for disposable income, as said above, my mom wants me to use my remaining money for a weekly shop
    • dreaming
    • By dreaming 18th Oct 19, 11:21 AM
    • 894 Posts
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    dreaming
    As I said in my post, by then, I will have graduated and have a full time job. Since I only have time to work part time, it seems like too much money at the moment.
    Originally posted by Mica98
    I've been looking for one bedroom flats in my area but the only thing I can seem to find are house/flatshares as there are not many one bedroom properties
    Originally posted by Mica98
    I'm studying environmental science, I called the uni but they said the only funding I can get is funding to cover the cost of the modules which goes straight from SFE to the uni.
    Originally posted by Mica98
    I studied for (and passed a degree with the OU whilst I was working full time and in my late 40s/early 50s. My youngest moved out in the middle of her nursing degree into a shared house and worked part-time to fund it. Regarding the funding - would that not free up some cash for you (i.e. you would not be paying the course fees)?

    Obviously I don't know your full circumstances so to compare is not necessarily helpful. I just offer the above to show that there are ways round most difficulties.
    You say you have tried to talk to your mum but it ends up in arguments. Have you tried writing her a letter? This can take some of the emotion out of it. Or is there another family member who could talk to her on your behalf? Just make sure you are not being too accusatory or demanding. If not, and you are adamant you can't move out, then I'm afraid you are going to just have put up with things. It may be hard at the moment but it won't last forever.
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 11:24 AM
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    Mica98
    We both do equal cooking, cleaning and washing the clothes (wash all of the clothes together rather than just my own to save money) I asked if she could just put a couple of bills in my name but she said she'd rather have the cash, I feel stuck
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 11:29 AM
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    Mica98
    I'm not sure what you mean in the first paragraph but the only funding I get (which goes straight to the uni, not to my bank) is to cover the cost of the modules. When people are at brick universities, they get their student loan which goes to their bank account, I'm not entitled to that unfortunately. We have a very small family so I have nobody to speak to her on my behalf, you're right, I'll have to try and manage it for now
    • bigisi
    • By bigisi 18th Oct 19, 11:31 AM
    • 767 Posts
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    bigisi
    She's taking the pee out of you but unless you're willing to put your foot down or move out and go elsewhere it sounds like you'll have to put up with it.
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 18th Oct 19, 11:43 AM
    • 6,318 Posts
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    Gavin83
    What area of the country are you in?

    So just to clarify, what is she actually asking you to contribute in total each month? Ignore your own bills, what are you actually paying to your mum?
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 11:47 AM
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    Mica98
    I'm paying 250 but she's looking to increase it back to 350, idk if there's anything I can do here
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 11:48 AM
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    Mica98
    I forgot to answer your first question, I live in the Black Country
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 11:49 AM
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    Mica98
    I'm looking for somewhere to live but I feel like because of where I live, there aren't many One bedroom properties
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 18th Oct 19, 12:14 PM
    • 6,933 Posts
    • 11,205 Thanks
    Malthusian
    I've been looking for one bedroom flats in my area but the only thing I can seem to find are house/flatshares as there are not many one bedroom properties
    Originally posted by Mica98
    And? You're in a houseshare right now, so what's the problem?

    If you can't talk to your mum about money then your relationship with your current housemate isn't great, so there is little reason to rule out a house/flatshare on the basis you might not like your new one.

    I'm assuming you're not renting a separate one-bedroom flat from your mum, in which case you almost certainly have a fabulous deal unless it's a really really cheap area.
    • dreaming
    • By dreaming 18th Oct 19, 12:15 PM
    • 894 Posts
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    dreaming
    The other side of this problem is to look at your mum's circumstances. Does she work/claim benefits etc? You did say that she was putting the extra into her savings as "she doesn't have any", and you class your own savings as part of your "bills". Maybe she is looking ahead to when you do move out and she is worried about how she will cope. I know it is difficult as you obviously care about her but you do need to have an honest discussion about things - even if it does end up in an argument. At the very least I would ask to see the bills. You could always try saying you don't have the means to top up the electric if you feel she is overusing it, or agree to buy your own food (and cook it).
    You are also paying off the Dyson you bought for her. Whilst I always encourage people to have some savings if possible, maybe it would be better to pay off the Dyson with some savings and thus free up some everyday money (or start saving again) and make sure you don't take on a big purchase like this again.
    I also saw that you say you feel your boss is taking advantage of you living next door. You have to learn to stand up for yourself and say no if he is asking you to work extra. Actually it sounds like a similar scenario to that with your mum. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself even if it does run the risk of upsetting others.
    I hope you find a way to resolve this.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 18th Oct 19, 12:16 PM
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    gettingtheresometime
    Well one way of looking at things that if you were a student in a brick university, more than likely the only accommodation a student could realistically afford is in shared accommodation.


    So you looking at a one bedroom accommodation is perhaps unrealistic.


    So you may have 3 options:


    1) suck up the situation with your mum until you can afford a place of your own.


    2) rent a room in an existing house-share


    3) rent accommodation that has more than one room and (with the landlord's agreement) set up your own house-share
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card / JD Williams cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 12:27 PM
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    Mica98
    Tbf if I did move into a house share, it might help with my social skills and independence, I might look into it again
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 12:32 PM
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    Mica98
    The Dyson isn't something I wanted to buy as it is 400 but my mom can sometimes guilt trip me with the "look at everything I've done for you" which is true but it isn't something I could really afford but ofc the guilt trip worked and now I'm struggling. Also, my bus pass is very expensive unless I can get the student discount added back on.

    As for when I move out, I don't think my mom will be stuck as she will most likely move in with her partner (who not to mention has a very high salary)

    I feel like I'm not allowed to say no to my boss, my mom also gets mad at me for not taking any extra hours because "we need the money" which leaves me with less time to focus on my studies.

    This is difficult
    • Loanranger
    • By Loanranger 18th Oct 19, 12:34 PM
    • 2,296 Posts
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    Loanranger
    Mica, I have two OU degrees both studied for while working full time. The OU is designed for people who work full time and study part time. You need to increase your hours of work or get another part time job or just get a full time job so that you can pay your way in the world.

    Your bills of 200 pounds a month sound excessive to me but that is your business, what is not right is that you do not pay your way with your mother while prioritising your own bills.
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 12:35 PM
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    Mica98
    My plan is to transfer to a brick uni next year. When I get my student loan, I aim to save most of it as I will be attending the uni in my city, meaning I'll not need student accommodation. Also, thanks for the useful suggestions
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 12:39 PM
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    Mica98
    I'm doing two modules (full time study) so that I can get into a brick university by next year. It also doesn't help that I work evenings so I can't attend any tutorials.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 18th Oct 19, 12:55 PM
    • 4,923 Posts
    • 12,354 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    My plan is to transfer to a brick uni next year. When I get my student loan, I aim to save most of it as I will be attending the uni in my city, meaning I'll not need student accommodation. Also, thanks for the useful suggestions
    Originally posted by Mica98
    But where will you live?


    Where ever you live will have costs, whether you pay rent to a landlord or board to your mum.


    Have you thought about looking for alternative p/t work that means you work in the days and so can study/attend tutorials in the evenings
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card / JD Williams cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 18th Oct 19, 1:02 PM
    • 31,616 Posts
    • 81,038 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Hi, so I am currently working part time and studying with the OU. I earn 700 a month and my mom takes 250 in board (reduced from 350), on top of that I have over 200 of my own bills to pay. I'm a bit annoyed as she has started asking me to pay bills out of my own money, is that not what board is for? I'd like to add that as I'm studying with the OU, I'm not entitled to a Student loan, so I don't have any extra money.
    Originally posted by Mica98
    I've tried to talk but it always ends up being an argument so I feel stuck tbh
    Originally posted by Mica98
    Would your Mum sit down with you and fill in a spreadsheet of all the bills - you could use the idea of seeing if you can get better deals for the utilities and insurance?

    Try to approach it rationally and objectively rather than resisting paying more - when you see the full extent of the bills, you'll be able to see if you're paying your fair share.
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 1:06 PM
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    Mica98
    Yes I understand that but my point is *at the moment* I'm not earning much, but when I'm in a better financial situation, it will be less of a burden & I'm currently looking for a new job (my boss also keeps threatening to sack me for petty reasons, I'm not even insured to work there)
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