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  • FIRST POST
    • MissTigger
    • By MissTigger 27th Sep 19, 11:07 AM
    • 45Posts
    • 13Thanks
    MissTigger
    How will getting Married affect my finances?
    • #1
    • 27th Sep 19, 11:07 AM
    How will getting Married affect my finances? 27th Sep 19 at 11:07 AM
    So basically Iím getting married next year.
    Our relationship has a rocky history but weíve made it through despite financial struggles, relationship breakdowns between us which weíve overcome and had 2 kids together. I like to think weíve matured since our rocky history and we do have a long stretch of being stronger than ever.

    So what I want to know is, seing as I own a house in my name alone (only I paid the deposit and mortgage) and I earn the majority of the income, will I be responsible for his child of previous relationship? (Doesnít live with us)

    Will in the event of a split (hopefully never going to happen) will he automatically be entitled to half of my estate or would he have to apply and go to court for it?
    He knows the house is legally mine now and doesnít seem interested in owning it so I donít think he would ever pursue it.

    Will I be made to ever pay his child support to first child if his income drops/stops?

    Will his debts and bad spending ever affect me since becoming married? I told him Iím never opening any joint bank accounts or mortgages.

    Thanks
Page 2
    • MissTigger
    • By MissTigger 28th Sep 19, 7:36 AM
    • 45 Posts
    • 13 Thanks
    MissTigger
    My point is that 3 years ago it was clearly a joint purchase in terms of whos house it was going to be, the mortgage was just in your name as he didn't qualify for a mortgage therefore as others have said you are in a long standing relationship and bought the house whilst in the relationship as a joint home and he will probably be entitled to a share. haha!
    However this is where an agreed prenup that holds a little weight would come into it surely?
    He is in agreement that he doesn’t want any of the houses worth if we were to ever split, as he would see it as taking away from his own children and carer. All we mutually want to do is get this in writing. He has no intention of ever wanting anything I’ve worked hard for and neither do I want to take from him
    • Lover of Lycra
    • By Lover of Lycra 28th Sep 19, 8:10 AM
    • 495 Posts
    • 1,325 Thanks
    Lover of Lycra
    However this is where an agreed prenup that holds a little weight would come into it surely?
    He is in agreement that he doesnít want any of the houses worth if we were to ever split, as he would see it as taking away from his own children and carer. All we mutually want to do is get this in writing. He has no intention of ever wanting anything Iíve worked hard for and neither do I want to take from him
    Originally posted by YasmineA90
    He might be in agreement now but who knows how he will feel in the future especially if the relationship goes south.
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 28th Sep 19, 9:31 AM
    • 5,235 Posts
    • 7,332 Thanks
    74jax
    However this is where an agreed prenup that holds a little weight would come into it surely?
    He is in agreement that he doesnít want any of the houses worth if we were to ever split, as he would see it as taking away from his own children and carer. All we mutually want to do is get this in writing. He has no intention of ever wanting anything Iíve worked hard for and neither do I want to take from him
    Originally posted by YasmineA90
    You've changed your question from the OP quote significantly by adding in the fact you both agree to a prenup. Original question never mentioned this at all and was about what would happen in divorce.

    If you want advice on prenups, I have one, then that is completely different to the question asked?
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 28th Sep 19, 11:19 AM
    • 9,230 Posts
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    calleyw
    The OP has not said where they live.


    Pre nups with in england and wales are not legally binding according to here.


    https://www.hja.net/are-prenuptial-agreements-legally-binding-in-england-wales/


    So unless it has changed since Feb 2019 then a bit of waste of time.


    Yours


    Calley x
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

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    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 28th Sep 19, 11:34 AM
    • 5,928 Posts
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    onomatopoeia99
    Next of Kin
    Originally posted by DigForVictory
    As always when this gets mentioned as a downside of not marrying, there are things to remind everyone of. First, 'next of kin' is not defined in law, carries no legal status nor any authority over treatment (as we would all hope, doctors make treatment decisions, not untrained members of the public), it is simply who the treating doctors will update on the condition of the patient, and second you can nominate next of kin on admittance to hospital, and/or carry a card nominating in case of being unconscious. This information can also be recorded with the GP.

    Even if there is nothing to state an unmarried partner is the 'next of kin', the NHS does in fact live in the 21st century and is aware that there are many people in committed long-term relationships that are not formalised by a complex financial contract (marriage).
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek. Home is where my books are.

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    • MissTigger
    • By MissTigger 28th Sep 19, 12:13 PM
    • 45 Posts
    • 13 Thanks
    MissTigger
    You've changed your question from the OP quote significantly by adding in the fact you both agree to a prenup. Original question never mentioned this at all and was about what would happen in divorce.

    If you want advice on prenups, I have one, then that is completely different to the question asked?

    I could go on for over an hour asking the many marriage and finance related questions I have. I may ask even more later on.
    You’re implying that I’m changing and contradicting however I am not. I have gone from asking how marriage will affect me and finances, to bringing up my thought on a pre-nup that me and my partner have already discussed.

    He has no interest in accumulating income and inheriting properties, he has said this himself and his attitude towards money only proves this. He didn’t even show any interest or motivation to inherit his parental home when left to everyone else. If left to us in the event of a split he wouldn’t bother wanting anything other than his personal items. It’s just that from what I’ve heard the courts take it into their own hands to cut things in half down the middle to give to you both. He and I don’t want that.
    • Mrs_Ryan
    • By Mrs_Ryan 29th Sep 19, 9:01 PM
    • 11,068 Posts
    • 20,980 Thanks
    Mrs_Ryan
    As always when this gets mentioned as a downside of not marrying, there are things to remind everyone of. First, 'next of kin' is not defined in law, carries no legal status nor any authority over treatment (as we would all hope, doctors make treatment decisions, not untrained members of the public), it is simply who the treating doctors will update on the condition of the patient, and second you can nominate next of kin on admittance to hospital, and/or carry a card nominating in case of being unconscious. This information can also be recorded with the GP.

    Even if there is nothing to state an unmarried partner is the 'next of kin', the NHS does in fact live in the 21st century and is aware that there are many people in committed long-term relationships that are not formalised by a complex financial contract (marriage).
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    In theory.
    However- when I was in hospital after my cancer operation, my now fiance was not allowed to visit me as he wasnít family- he was classed as a friend despite the fact we had lived together for 7 years! I saw some women whose children could not visit as their unmarried partners were not allowed in and they had no family to bring them in.
    When I was working in the hospital I saw someone die alone as their devoted partner was not allowed in as she was not family.
    I also saw the case of an estranged daughter who had not seen her mother in many many years try and move a lady down to the other end of the country (the lady had dementia) which would have been massively detrimental to the patientís health- just because she had more rights than the ladyís partner who had looked after her devotedly for years.
    This is one of the reasons that me and my partner are having a civil partnership- just so we have some legal rights if the worst ever were to happen. In theory they should recognise unmarried partnerships but in practice they donít always.
    Open University 2:1 Graduate 2017; MA at DMU complete 2018- MERIT!! Round 2 OU 2018- BSc Combined STEM (Sports Psychology) Year 1 PASS! E117 &DE100. Year 2- K220 and E235.
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    Elle
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 30th Sep 19, 9:00 AM
    • 10,226 Posts
    • 12,386 Thanks
    Comms69
    Thanks all of you for the replies.
    As many of you have asked why I am thinking of marrying this man.
    I am marrying him because quite simply I love him, he is a great father to our two children, and I wish to be a family with him properly with our children.

    Equally, we arenít doing the traditional ďone potĒ of finances, living in each otherís pockets. Otherwise giving gifts to each other isnít exactly a gift, itís just a mutual spend...
    He wants to spend his money on what he likes and I prefer to prioritise saving for our kids future and for properties. Itís just one of our differences. Hence why itís important we keep our finances separate!! - impossible, marriage makes it all 'one pot'
    This question was simply asked to answer my questions on marriage finances. There are far many other aspects of our relationship that donít involve around money. Money is not the be all and end all to me I just wanted clarification and I have that now thanks!
    Originally posted by YasmineA90

    Your relationship may not revolve around money, but marriage, quite literally does.

    How does it sound like I donít want to marry him? Iím merely asking about the effect on my finances. In this day and age I see more people, especially women, having more financial independence from their partners. - No idea what you're saying. MArried = joint finances. it's that simple I donít want to be living out of his pockets and nor does he want to live in mine. Doesnít mean we donít love each other and share a family, we both equally pay for our childrenís needs, food clothes etc. we both can treat each other without it feeling like weíve just bought something for ourselves. We both treat each other equally and equally can spend as we please without it being the other persons business.
    Originally posted by YasmineA90
    • MEM62
    • By MEM62 30th Sep 19, 10:13 AM
    • 2,898 Posts
    • 2,578 Thanks
    MEM62
    he is a great father to our two children, and I wish to be a family with him properly with our children.
    Originally posted by YasmineA90
    He wants to spend his money on what he likes and I prefer to prioritise saving for our kids future and for properties.
    Originally posted by YasmineA90
    In my view those statement contradict each other.
    • MissTigger
    • By MissTigger 7th Oct 19, 2:23 PM
    • 45 Posts
    • 13 Thanks
    MissTigger
    Your relationship may not revolve around money, but marriage, quite literally does.
    Please tell me how?
    Advice received from both my solicitor and online both say that debt incurred before becoming in a relationship are that persons sole responsibility. I will never be responsible for his debt, and as long as we never open a joint bank account or have both of our names on a mortgage together then please tell me how I will be forced to pay for something of his?
    • MissTigger
    • By MissTigger 7th Oct 19, 2:27 PM
    • 45 Posts
    • 13 Thanks
    MissTigger

    he is a great father to our two children, and I wish to be a family with him properly with our children.
    Originally posted by YasmineA90


    He wants to spend his money on what he likes and I prefer to prioritise saving for our kids future and for properties.

    In my view those statement contradict each other.
    How? We both have different methods of making and spending money. I feel I’m the more ‘cautious’ and ‘sensible’ with money, but that’s just my opinion. He does what he like with his. Doesn’t affect his parent skills or love for his children in the slightest.

    I will never understand why asking simple finance questions regarding marriage causes people to turn so judgemental and rude.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 7th Oct 19, 2:39 PM
    • 10,226 Posts
    • 12,386 Thanks
    Comms69
    Please tell me how?
    Advice received from both my solicitor and online both say that debt incurred before becoming in a relationship are that persons sole responsibility. I will never be responsible for his debt, and as long as we never open a joint bank account or have both of our names on a mortgage together then please tell me how I will be forced to pay for something of his?
    Originally posted by YasmineA90


    That isn't what I said. Nothing to do with personal debt, but for example the house - regardless of who's name it is in, will be a marital asset should you divorce.
    • MissTigger
    • By MissTigger 7th Oct 19, 2:50 PM
    • 45 Posts
    • 13 Thanks
    MissTigger
    That isn't what I said. Nothing to do with personal debt, but for example the house - regardless of who's name it is in, will be a marital asset should you divorce.
    No you said “married=joint finances it’s that simple”

    We are having nothing joint except we are both going to be on a marriage certificate.

    His debts were incurred before he met me. My mortgage is in my name and I can prove he has had no input on paying towards any of it. All bills are in my name.

    The plans for my future are for me to continue purchasing property with my parents and siblings and it’s not something my partner wants to involve in or benefit from. It’s like a side hobby.

    Regardless and without a doubt, in the event of a divorce, he would accept whatever payout I was to offer (which would be generous).
    • maman
    • By maman 7th Oct 19, 3:39 PM
    • 20,901 Posts
    • 123,964 Thanks
    maman

    Regardless and without a doubt, in the event of a divorce, he would accept whatever payout I was to offer (which would be generous).
    Originally posted by YasmineA90
    IF (and that's deliberately a BIG IF) you can be sure of that then all will be well. In law, depending on the length of the marriage, your property hobby or your own home can form part of the marital assets which he is entitled to a share of.
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 7th Oct 19, 3:48 PM
    • 6,345 Posts
    • 11,031 Thanks
    Gavin83
    No you said ďmarried=joint finances itís that simpleĒ

    We are having nothing joint except we are both going to be on a marriage certificate.

    His debts were incurred before he met me. My mortgage is in my name and I can prove he has had no input on paying towards any of it. All bills are in my name.

    The plans for my future are for me to continue purchasing property with my parents and siblings and itís not something my partner wants to involve in or benefit from. Itís like a side hobby.

    Regardless and without a doubt, in the event of a divorce, he would accept whatever payout I was to offer (which would be generous).
    Originally posted by YasmineA90
    There are two 'issues' here.

    Firstly lets look at the debt. While technically you're not responsible for it should he reach a position where he is unable to pay he will be considered as owning half of your property. It will no longer be just your property, it will be marital asset and ultimately they could force the sale of such a property to cover any debts, although they could only take up to half the sale price. You are essentially handing him assets, a company he owes significant money to won't just ignore that.

    The second issue is any potential divorce. Assuming it isn't a short marriage the starting point would be a 50/50 split of assets, regardless of who's name they were in or when they were built up. He is free to give up his rights but a solicitor would almost certainly advise him otherwise and it would take a strong person to give up their claim on a large sum of money, especially if the split isn't amicable. He might not get 50% but he'd almost certainly be awarded more than whatever generous payout you're proposing.

    It's also hard to dispose of assets like this when you're in debt. If he failed to pay debt in the future and they found out he gave up significant assets it could make things difficult.

    I agree with some of the others, you don't really seem prepared to share, and in many ways rightly so. In your position I'd be considering if marriage is the right option for you.

    If you do choose to get married and least go into it with open eyes and accept you could potentially lose a lot of the assets you entered the marriage with.
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 7th Oct 19, 4:06 PM
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    paddy's mum

    We are having nothing joint except we are both going to be on a marriage certificate.
    Originally posted by YasmineA90
    And THAT is the only joint item that matters!

    Once you marry, the law of the land takes over. It can (and frequently does) overrule all and any agreements between the couple and it is this aspect that you seem not to be grasping.

    What you or he think, say, expect, arrange or agree becomes completely irrelevant the instant you marry. Personally, in your shoes, I would be quietly seeking competent legal advice before taking an irrevocable step. Can you and your children afford not to know the realities?

    Good luck.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 7th Oct 19, 4:32 PM
    • 10,226 Posts
    • 12,386 Thanks
    Comms69
    No you said ďmarried=joint finances itís that simpleĒ - It is. That doesn't mean you cant spend how you like, but it does mean that your assets are considered to be jointly owned.

    We are having nothing joint except we are both going to be on a marriage certificate. - Why are you actually getting married?

    His debts were incurred before he met me. My mortgage is in my name and I can prove he has had no input on paying towards any of it. All bills are in my name. - but you're married. So now it's his property as well

    The plans for my future are for me to continue purchasing property with my parents and siblings and itís not something my partner wants to involve in or benefit from. Itís like a side hobby. - Which he can claim from when you divorce

    Regardless and without a doubt, in the event of a divorce, he would accept whatever payout I was to offer (which would be generous).
    Originally posted by YasmineA90


    Unless it's half the joint assets, it's not generous.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 7th Oct 19, 5:02 PM
    • 31,640 Posts
    • 81,091 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Regardless and without a doubt, in the event of a divorce, he would accept whatever payout I was to offer (which would be generous).
    Originally posted by YasmineA90
    If you do choose to get married and least go into it with open eyes and accept you could potentially lose a lot of the assets you entered the marriage with.
    Originally posted by Gavin83
    If you are totally convinced about his possible future behaviour, go ahead and get married but don't say you weren't warned if the relationship breaks down and your OH asks for half the assets.
    • swingaloo
    • By swingaloo 7th Oct 19, 7:05 PM
    • 2,140 Posts
    • 3,849 Thanks
    swingaloo
    How many posters have been on these forums trying to protect a house/money they had prior to marriage because they were certain that the person they were going to marry would never take anything in the event that they split.

    Hopefully you will marry and it will be forever blissful but with already differing ideas about finances I wouldn't be so sure.

    Fast forward ten years-

    You start to get resentful because he is still spending money like water whilst you are sick of paying for everything.
    or
    He meets someone else and wants to separate and she tells him that he is entitled to his share of the marital pot.
    or
    You meet someone else and want him out so he decides he is so angry he will take you to the cleaners
    or
    Heaven forbid you die and he will inherit it all and squander your hard earned assets.

    Obviously you are sure it will never happen and whatever the next 20 years throw at you he will still be happy to walk away with nothing but how naive is it to think like that.

    There is no halfway house, if you marry then he instantly has an entitlement to the marital assets and a large percentage of people split and divorce for acrimonious reasons and once the divorce talk starts a solicitor would soon put him right whether he wants anything now or not.
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 7th Oct 19, 7:58 PM
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    paddy's mum
    Is this the same person you described very early on in your membership of MSE as abusive and violent?

    26th July 2016
    Last edited by paddy's mum; 07-10-2019 at 8:02 PM. Reason: Add date
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