Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 10:00 AM
    • 24Posts
    • 0Thanks
    Mica98
    Is my mom charging too much?
    • #1
    • 18th Oct 19, 10:00 AM
    Is my mom charging too much? 18th Oct 19 at 10:00 AM
    Hi, so I am currently working part time and studying with the OU. I earn 700 a month and my mom takes 250 in board (reduced from 350), on top of that I have over 200 of my own bills to pay. I'm a bit annoyed as she has started asking me to pay bills out of my own money, is that not what board is for? I'd like to add that as I'm studying with the OU, I'm not entitled to a Student loan, so I don't have any extra money.

    Do you think this is fair? And before anyone says "wait until you have your own place" I most likely will have graduated by then and have a full time job.
Page 3
    • dreaming
    • By dreaming 18th Oct 19, 1:08 PM
    • 896 Posts
    • 4,444 Thanks
    dreaming
    Okay Mica98. Reading your further posts (and between the lines a bit) I am guessing you are quite young and possibly a bit isolated, so I think there is more at play here than just finances. It seems you feel the burden of pleasing everyone (your mum, your boss) but you really do have to learn to stand up for yourself. I know from experience that it is difficult to break some deep-rooted family dynamics but it can be done. Some doctors' surgeries have counselling help available, or there are things on-line that can help. The main thing to take on board is that you are not responsible for other people's reactions. If your mum gets upset with you for not taking on more work then let her be upset. Similarly with your boss - although of course you run the risk of losing the job I guess. The longer you give in to other people's demands the longer the situation will continue. You don't have to be nasty about it. If your mum starts shouting about working more just keep calm and say "Sorry mum. I need to study right now" and go to your room. If she follows you just keep repeating the same thing.

    It makes me wonder if you would be better off in a house share with people you are not emotionally attached to - although that is a whole different scenario where you still have to learn coping strategies. Best of luck.
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 1:08 PM
    • 24 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Mica98
    That's a good idea, Idk if you saw my previous comment but I suggested to her that maybe she put a couple of the bills in my name and I pay those (I offered to pay gas, electric and water) . She wasn't really for the idea I must say
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 18th Oct 19, 1:10 PM
    • 67,437 Posts
    • 395,113 Thanks
    PasturesNew
    57 all in .... I presume you're fed in that too?

    Cheap!

    Or, more to the point "very fair".
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 1:13 PM
    • 24 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Mica98
    You are absolutely right with what you've said, I've never been able to describe it but you have. I've been in and out of councelling from ages 11-16 but never quite opened up properly. Also, not sure if you saw one of my most recent replies but I'm not insured to work where I currently am, additionally, my boss hasn't actually given me a formal warning so can he still sack me? On top of that, not everything is 100% legal where I'm working, had I known that, I would have stayed at my old job, this on top of my financial situation is very stressful, I'm desparately looking for a new job
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 1:14 PM
    • 24 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Mica98
    When I attempt to buy my own food, it's apparently "inconsiderate" as I'm not buying for the both of us lmao
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 18th Oct 19, 1:27 PM
    • 10,214 Posts
    • 12,378 Thanks
    Comms69
    Her house, her rules. She could just tell you to pay 700 or leave, that minute.


    You have no rights to reside there and do so only on the goodwill of your mum
    • dreaming
    • By dreaming 18th Oct 19, 1:30 PM
    • 896 Posts
    • 4,444 Thanks
    dreaming
    You are absolutely right with what you've said, I've never been able to describe it but you have. I've been in and out of councelling from ages 11-16 but never quite opened up properly. Also, not sure if you saw one of my most recent replies but I'm not insured to work where I currently am, additionally, my boss hasn't actually given me a formal warning so can he still sack me? On top of that, not everything is 100% legal where I'm working, had I known that, I would have stayed at my old job, this on top of my financial situation is very stressful, I'm desparately looking for a new job
    Originally posted by Mica98
    Regarding the job. If it is not 100% legal, and you are not insured, then I don't think your boss is likely to worry about formal warnings and workers' rights, so the quicker you are out of there the better. If you do get sacked then it will be no great loss in my opinion, regardless of the financial situation. Would you be entitled to any benefits? Possibly not yourself but could your mum claim help if you are still in education? I'm not sure how it works but Citizen's Advice may be able advise, or there is a forum on this site I believe.
    Regarding your emotional state then I would suggest that you see if you can get some sort of help with that. Some towns have counselling services for young people (16-25 years in my area) which you can self-refer to. Just having someone to talk to about things can help even if there is no obvious solution. Or try your doctor to see if they can help. Do you have any friends who you feel could understand. I find it helps me if I write things down and then read them a little while later. Sometime the situation has resolved itself, or I can see how I could deal with it whilst not in the middle of the emotional reaction.
    • thriftylass
    • By thriftylass 18th Oct 19, 1:31 PM
    • 3,603 Posts
    • 29,875 Thanks
    thriftylass
    57 all in .... I presume you're fed in that too?

    Cheap!

    Or, more to the point "very fair".
    Originally posted by PasturesNew
    Where do the 57 come from, He/she is paying 250 plus food and electricity
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 18th Oct 19, 1:32 PM
    • 10,214 Posts
    • 12,378 Thanks
    Comms69
    Regarding the job. If it is not 100% legal, and you are not insured, then I don't think your boss is likely to worry about formal warnings and workers' rights, so the quicker you are out of there the better. - the Op would have no employment rights to speak of anyway If you do get sacked then it will be no great loss in my opinion, regardless of the financial situation. Would you be entitled to any benefits? - everyone is entitled to benefits Possibly not yourself but could your mum claim help if you are still in education? I'm not sure how it works but Citizen's Advice may be able advise, or there is a forum on this site I believe.
    Regarding your emotional state then I would suggest that you see if you can get some sort of help with that. Some towns have counselling services for young people (16-25 years in my area) which you can self-refer to. Just having someone to talk to about things can help even if there is no obvious solution. Or try your doctor to see if they can help. Do you have any friends who you feel could understand. I find it helps me if I write things down and then read them a little while later. Sometime the situation has resolved itself, or I can see how I could deal with it whilst not in the middle of the emotional reaction.
    Originally posted by dreaming


    OP you can be sacked for no reason with-in 24 months of service
    • dreaming
    • By dreaming 18th Oct 19, 1:33 PM
    • 896 Posts
    • 4,444 Thanks
    dreaming
    Mica98. Would this help - https://www.ymcabc.org.uk/what-we-do/training-and-education/talent-match/counselling-support/
    • Mica98
    • By Mica98 18th Oct 19, 1:38 PM
    • 24 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Mica98
    I've tried claiming for benefits and JSA but due to me being in education, I'm not entitled. My mom can't claim anything due to my age
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 18th Oct 19, 1:39 PM
    • 3,819 Posts
    • 13,676 Thanks
    paddy's mum
    The rock bottom FACT of this is that even if you could find a one bedroom place, it will cost you way more than you are currently spending...an amount which you consider to be unfair.

    It might be illuminating for you to go on something like the Spare Room site and see what just a single room in a houseshare would cost you. Round here it is 100 per week, main bills included but not food, transport, laundry or personal spends.

    It sounds to me as though your mother is in fact subsidising you but until you both sit down and do that spreadsheet (ie communicate) nothing will be aired, understood or achieved and so you will both go on banging your heads against brick walls.

    You need to be careful - if she is (as you suggest) more than ready to move in with her partner, she might just get fed up with your assertions that she is somehow ripping you off and do just that...MOVE! What will you do then?

    I'm not unsympathetic but perhaps you both need to practice Brexit skills ie negotiate and compromise! Good luck.
    • NBLondon
    • By NBLondon 18th Oct 19, 2:03 PM
    • 3,080 Posts
    • 15,724 Thanks
    NBLondon
    It sounds to me as though your mother is in fact subsidising you
    Originally posted by paddy's mum
    Difficult to say unless we know the incomings and outgoings for the household.
    Is the place rented or mortgaged or what (and what does it cost per month)? What are the utility bills coming to - OP talks about topping up the electricity key which suggests they are on an expensive tariff for a start. Why is Mom doing multiple loads of laundry a day for two people?

    What's Mom's income - working, retired, benefits etc (not to mention allegedly well-off partner)? Are either of you paying off other debts apart from the Dyson that you couldn't really afford?

    but until you both sit down and do that spreadsheet (ie communicate) nothing will be aired, understood or achieved and so you will both go on banging your heads against brick walls.
    Absolutely!

    If you genuinely can't both live on what you both contribute - then you need to both work out where the gap is and decide what both say is fair.

    And if Mom won't play ball - or does threaten to move in with partner and leave you flailing - then it's time to do the sums for a house-share or bedsit. If you are aiming to go to uni in the same town - find out where other students live and what they spend.

    Good Luck!
    "I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
    • *Robin*
    • By *Robin* 18th Oct 19, 2:20 PM
    • 3,291 Posts
    • 13,606 Thanks
    *Robin*
    Where do the 57 come from, He/she is paying 250 plus food and electricity
    Originally posted by thriftylass
    57 per week.


    Would it help to set out exactly what is included in a fairly normal lodging arrangement, Mica98?

    My lodgers receive - in exchange for a set monthly sum[*] - a good sized furnished bedroom with a sink, work desk, cupboards and book shelf. They have free use of bathrooms, living room, dining room, fully fitted kitchen, utility room, garden and extra storage space in the garage. They have half a large fridge/freezer each and a big kitchen storage cupboard for their food.
    I pay all the bills including council tax and internet - and replace fittings / white goods as required.
    Lodgers buy and prepare their own food, and everyone takes a turn at keeping the shared areas of the house clean and tidy.
    [*] The only "extra" is 2 per load for use of the tumble dryer - some younger lodgers are too lazy to hang out their washing even on fine days without this incentive [we have drying racks in the utility room for when the weather is inclement].

    I rarely have vacancies as my lodgers usually have several friends who'd love to take their room when they move on [average stay is about three years]. Price for the single room is currently 425, and the double 525.

    Mica98, perhaps you and your Mum can sit down and work out exactly what your contribution is paying for? I think you'll find that at 250 a month, your Mum is probably still subsidising you! Ensure you pay her a fair rent which allows her to cover your share of the bills. Then she can replace her own hoover when she needs to - and you will know how much cash you have left over to spend or save each month.
  • archived user
    A very basic idea of what bills there are for the household might be useful Mica, ask your mum if there are any others.

    Food etc ( to include toiletries/cleaning items or calculate these separately)
    Gas/electric
    Water rates ( if metered there will be more water used by 2 of you than if mum was there alone)
    Rent/Mortgage
    Land line phone and broadband
    Contents insurance


    If your mum is on a low income it might be that she is really worried about keeping a roof over both your heads. At your age she will have 'lost' the various benefits that might have been available to her when you were younger.

    And an important one, Council Tax. if your mum lived alone she would get a 25% discount. If she's having to pay the full amount, that might be a struggle.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 18th Oct 19, 3:15 PM
    • 20,591 Posts
    • 34,448 Thanks
    Spendless
    Maybe compare your financial situation with what it would be if you were a 'regular' student living in student accommodation.

    To give an idea, my 19yo is living in a student house for the first time (he did last year in halls). He has a double bedroom with en-suite to himself. He then shares the kitchen and living room with 5 other students on his floor. It's a large property, over 3 floors and has another 11 students. This costs a little over 100 a week for 46 weeks of the year I believe and includes heating, water, electricity and broadband. He can also use the washing machines for free. We pay his rent as he's on the minimum loan. From his loan, which is around 4K per year he then has the money to pay for his food, inc toiletries and any cleaning products plus any socialising he does. He studies in a cheap part of the country and the town is small, so he can walk everywhere.

    Have you gone straight from A levels to studying with the OU? I'm wondering if your Mum has lost some child related benefits compared to earlier this year?
    • svain
    • By svain 18th Oct 19, 3:22 PM
    • 463 Posts
    • 869 Thanks
    svain
    I just dont think living with parents as adults works because of situations like this. Far better to move out (houseshare elsewhere) and regain the mother-daughter relationship and lose the complication of being a lodger aswell. Money and family can often be problematic
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 18th Oct 19, 3:36 PM
    • 7,651 Posts
    • 9,959 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    It's hard to judge what is fair but I would start by looking at the cost of houseshares near you, and what is / is not included. I think most are on the basis either of x + share of bills or x including bills.
    Normally in a houseshare you buy and prep your own food and do your own laundry etc.

    So, look at what living somwhere else would cost excluding food , and comparethat with what you are curently paying excluding food but includng the extras such as bills .

    How do the figures compare?

    If you find that, on that basis, it is more expensive for you to stay at your mum's, then think about moving out to a houseshare, but also consider having a conversation with your mum and showing her the numbers, and asking whather she would be willing to agree a new budget.

    in terms of food shopping, is she asking you to buy alll the food, or only some of it? If the situation is that you do a bog shop one week, and she does it the next, then that might well be fair, but if she is expecting you to buy all the food for both of you, then add 50% of the food bill onto the amount she is charging you, when you are doing the comparison with other options (as in efect, in that case, she is expecting you to pay her food bills as well as your own)

    I would actually draw up a budget showing how much you are paying in total, inbcluding the electricty etc, so she can see the total figures, and then separately list the outgoigns you have for yourself (e.g. transport costs, clothes, books etc for your degree) - it may be that she thinks you have moredispsoable income than you actually do.

    The starting point that she is charging doesn't sem unreasonable - it wrks out at 57 per week. When I had a lodger, which is nearly 10 years ago now, I charged them 65 a week including bills, but of course a lot depends on the actual cost of the extrasyou are paying.

    Ultimately, however, wither you will need to each an agreement with her that you are both happy with, or you will need to move elsewhere.
    • unholyangel
    • By unholyangel 18th Oct 19, 4:56 PM
    • 14,101 Posts
    • 11,302 Thanks
    unholyangel
    If you are a minor then your parents have a responsibility to put a roof over your head, clothe & feed you. Anything else is optional.

    If you are an adult then your parents have zero responsibility for any of the above and its entirely their choice if they want to provide any of it and what terms they want to provide it on.

    One other element that people often forget about (perhaps because its not a regular bill like electricity or groceries) is replacing furniture & appliances. That 300 washing machine that lasts 5 years is still 5 a month. Do that with everything in the house and it quickly adds up to significant sums.

    It's what I use to decide whether I should purchase something. Not because I'm short of money but just because imo its a smarter way to spend. Instead of impulse buying because i can afford it and i want it, I factor in how long I can expect it to last, what that would work out as per week/month and whether I think the usage of it justifies that sort of weekly/monthly spend.

    I know you were expecting responses like this, but you really are getting a bargain. And I really do empathise with you, I moved out before I turned 18 due to butting heads with my mother over a lot of things (parents weren't charging anything though as I was still in high school) and boy, was it an eye opener for me. It improved our relationship a lot, but I had no clue how expensive or time consuming it was to run a house yourself. They also bought all of the big items for my new house - and yet I still spent over 12,000 on decorating and little things like towels, rugs, cutlery etc.

    My advice would be to try and get a real clear picture of what it would cost you if you got your own place (taking into account the less obvious costs like I've highlighted) and then decide whether paying that extra is worth it.
    Money doesn't solve poverty.....it creates it.
    • MovingForwards
    • By MovingForwards 18th Oct 19, 7:42 PM
    • 2,533 Posts
    • 3,003 Thanks
    MovingForwards
    OU tutorials are recorded and available to watch / listen to at your leisure. Phone the OU tomorrow to discuss this with them and also message your tutor, they are really helpful.

    OU is designed to fit in with a full-time job. Hence many of us work full-time and study in our spare time.

    Would you not be better off looking for a full-time job and doing your OU part-time?

    I appreciate you have said you want to swap to a regular uni next year, however OU studies are highly received in the working world as it relies on self discipline and shows good character by passing their degrees and other courses whilst working.

    If you want out of your mom's house sooner, look at flat / house shares, this will build your confidence, allow you to work on your social skills and give you the much needed independence.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

281Posts Today

5,651Users online

Martin's Twitter