Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

foxgloves · 8 July 2018 at 12:38PM

Just left u a reply on my diary, Cat. Re those 2 or 3 things I mentioned, it sounds like sorting out new financial situation will be one of them. You'll start to feel better afterwards....it's weird really but even with difficult financial situations, I find I feel better once I know the true extent of it & can get a plan & nrw budget in place. Hope exam marking money comes soon & the divorce/house stuff doesn't take long.
Good luck with it all - difficult stuff, but it's also a new start.
F x

crazy_cat_lady · 8 July 2018 at 7:49PM

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

If your husband was off work and his only income was SSP then he can claim help with his rent via Housing Benefit (or Universal Credit if its in your area). It doesn't matter that his name is on the mortgage as his estranged wife and his children live there so not counted and neither is your income.

Not sure who told you otherwise - give me a shout if you need more guidance as I expect now he is back at work he won't be entitled to anything unless he is part time.

Hi EE
Rather unsurprisingly it is our council that have told him that. They have been utterly useless with the whole situation, and it was them sending him home that meant I had to get the police involved that day when I paid for B&B for a few days for him. The fallout from that is still ongoing, as I got a call from a domestic violence group a couple of days ago - the police had referred me to them. It was really weird, because as I say we are actually getting on better than we have done in years. He has seen the kids regularly, helped out with a bit of childcare and even tried to cheer me up when I've been miserable. Basically everything I wanted him to do for the past 16 years. Just makes me even more certain that this is the right thing though, because he's more helpful now we're apart than he ever was when we were together.
Hopefully though the mortgage will be sorted out before the end of this month and then I can chase up my solicitor and see if we can get the financial arrangements sorted.
He has only gone back to work part time - I think he's looking for a new job, but I am trying not to involve myself too much in that.

foxgloves wrote: »

Just left u a reply on my diary, Cat. Re those 2 or 3 things I mentioned, it sounds like sorting out new financial situation will be one of them. You'll start to feel better afterwards....it's weird really but even with difficult financial situations, I find I feel better once I know the true extent of it & can get a plan & nrw budget in place. Hope exam marking money comes soon & the divorce/house stuff doesn't take long.
Good luck with it all - difficult stuff, but it's also a new start.
F x

Definitely need to have a big budget review and sort out. I've done lots of little bits, like cancelling tv channels and magazine subscriptions, and finally got my council tax discount etc. but I just haven't pulled it altogether yet. Plus I'm still soaking up a lot of extra expenses that I'm hoping won't be for too much longer - his rent, solicitors bills etc. And I really hope that when he finds his feet he'll start paying a bit of something for the kids as well. He's had a bit of a shock financially as well as the separation, I genuinely don't think that he realised just how much it costs to live. But now he does. I'm trying to minimise spending and take the extra costs on the chin for the moment unti things are sorted out relationship/legal wise. Then I'll know exactly where I stand. I still feel sad though when I think that I had an emergency fund and no debt 3 months ago...

I've had a good day today - wondered if I might get a bit bored with not having a billion exam related things to deal with, but I didn't'. Did grocery shopping, from a list which we stuck to and got the kids involved as well so they could see the reality of what we're dealing with money wise. Then went to my mam's for a catch up and my fortnightly free feast. She had loads of meat and salad on today - it was lovely, and I always love seeing her.
Came home and finally ventured into the loft, which I've been a bit scared to do even though the pest man said there were no bees in there... and dug out some wool to make a baby blanket for a very good friend of mine. Good job my loft is full of wool because there's no time coming soon where I'm going to be able to afford to get any more and I need my crochet and knitting in my life. Guess what everyone is getting for Christmas this year? :rotfl::rotfl: Still too hot to do anything much other than relax with a box set, a pint of water and my crochet.

apple_muncher · 8 July 2018 at 9:14PM

Good to hear from you ccl

. Take care x

Eager_Elephant · 8 July 2018 at 9:16PM

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

Hi EE
Rather unsurprisingly it is our council that have told him that. They have been utterly useless with the whole situation, and it was them sending him home that meant I had to get the police involved that day when I paid for B&B for a few days for him. The fallout from that is still ongoing, as I got a call from a domestic violence group a couple of days ago - the police had referred me to them. It was really weird, because as I say we are actually getting on better than we have done in years. He has seen the kids regularly, helped out with a bit of childcare and even tried to cheer me up when I've been miserable. Basically everything I wanted him to do for the past 16 years. Just makes me even more certain that this is the right thing though, because he's more helpful now we're apart than he ever was when we were together.
Hopefully though the mortgage will be sorted out before the end of this month and then I can chase up my solicitor and see if we can get the financial arrangements sorted.
He has only gone back to work part time - I think he's looking for a new job, but I am trying not to involve myself too much in that.

I did wonder if it was them - councils will say anything to can to get you out of their office and to be able to tick the box that says they prevented homelessness (even if that involves them making him return to a property where there are issues)

Imagine how many people they dont have to help by frightening them in to sorting themselves out or by giving misadvice and so people end up in more difficult situations like your ex-DH being removed by the police.

Depending on what he earns he may be able to get help with his rent, if he rents a room in a house then the amount of HB is much lower than if he rented a 1 bed flat and then of course they take into account his income.
If you need any help with this PM me.

SpekySquarehead · 9 July 2018 at 8:43AM

Morning CCL,

I'm playing a bit of catch up but it's good to hear from you.

Have you looked into YouNeedABudget (YNAB)? I single-handedly got out of debt and saved for a deposit with it and I think I'll use it till my dying day. There's a months free trial and there after it costs like £4 a month. It gives me peace of mind knowing that all the important things are accounted for and I'm not overspending.

crazy_cat_lady · 9 July 2018 at 6:47PM

Good evening!
Hope everyone is doing well. I'm still struggling, although it is a lot cooler today - I cannot get this dizziness in check. Our school healthcare lady tells me it's another hay fever symptom - but it's definitely the most unpleasant one. I don't feel as though I've had a particularly productive day at work - managed to open my mouth and put my foot in it rather spectacularly so I'm lying low. Thankfully only 9 more school get ups and we have a non uniform day on Wednesday which is nice of the Head (although I feel a bit much for the sake of football). Finished prepping for my lesson observation, which is happening tomorrow first thing - then I think that I'll definitely be able to see the end of term in sight, and it can't come soon enough.
I've tried a couple of times with YNAB Speky, but I just can't seem to get along with it. I think I'm too old because I really just want to budget on a piece of paper, but I might see if I can look again and go all 21st Century. I seemed to have too many different categories going on and couldn't make it all make sense. Then if I didn't update one day it all went to pot and nothing did what it was meant to. I suppose life would be easier now I'm (almost) debt free and I don't have billions of loans and credit cards to deal with.
Got home from work to 2 unpleasant things. 1 sickly cat - so I bundled her off to the vet for a couple of injections. She has a long term condition with her gut, and steroid and vitamin injections really help her. So, even though I can't really afford it I've done it - because that's part of being a responsible pet owner and it's and essential as far as I'm concerned.
2. The final 43 exam papers have arrived. On the plus side it's the final 43, but not so good is that they need marking asap. So my planned night of crochet is postponed in the short term, and I'll focus on the extra money that will be heading my way once I do this. And that it's the final bit of marking for this season. And there definitely won't be any more until the January exams.

beanielou · 9 July 2018 at 9:26PM

Glad that the making is nearly done.

SpekySquarehead · 10 July 2018 at 8:31AM

Morning,

On the YNAB thing, yeah, you need to use it regularly for it to work, which I think isn't a bad habit to have. For the first time ever, I was able to say exactly what was in my bank and in my wallet, and know that I was putting something, anything, aside for Xmas, birthdays, holidays or emergencies. Give it a go again, you've nothing to lose. They have a free app so you can use it on the go too. And if you've any questions, just let me know

Hope the cat is on the mend!

crazy_cat_lady · 10 July 2018 at 3:07PM

Hey everybody :hello: :wave:
Sneaking on at work because I'm going to be busy tonight marking the final few papers I have at home. There's a tight turnaround even though they only arrived yesterday but the extra cash will be very welcome. Then I'm definitely 100% finished for the summer marking season. I can see the first exam payment pending in my bank account for tomorrow and I can't wait for it to arrive - I will need to hang onto some of it to get me through the rest of the month, but I'm also going to put some onto that pesky CC and make a PAD there as well.
DS has had a minor emergency with school trousers - he's down to 1 functioning pair at the moment, and I don't wash and dry clothes quickly enough to keep up with that, and so I desperately need to get my hands on a pair of navy blue school trousers. Unfortunately, the colour is rubbish for getting a bargain pair so I suspect that I'm going to end up in M&S or somewhere similar. I'm going to try Mr A and see how I go but I definitely need something before tomorrow. Still it's not as if I wasn't going to buy any new uniform at all next year - just a bit earlier than I have planned.
On a brighter note - I have meal planned so there will be no food expenses, and there shouldn't be any nasty surprises there.
Had my work counselling today as well. It was arranged after the fallout of the separation and I find counselling really useful when I'm struggling with my self esteem, which I definitely am at the moment. I just wish there was a quick and easy fix for it rather than having to accept that it is what it is. I'd actually quite like to change my base programming if I possibly can but for the moment I just have to accept that my 'safe' place for myself is believing that I'm useless and nobody likes me. I genuinely don't know how to change that... maybe I'm just broken.
But I'm not leaving on that unpleasant note - I will leave by saying that I love my kids and my cats and I have a lot of good friends that I know I can rely on. So it's all good outside of my own little world of me.

DawnW · 10 July 2018 at 3:38PM

You've just contradicted yourself right there CCL -

I'm useless and nobody likes me.

I have a lot of good friends that I know I can rely on.

Seriously though, you have had a seriously stressful time, not just recently but for years -with debt, with your stressful job, with your OH and his problems.... Be kind to yourself :grouphug:xx

And you work so hard, you are the least useless person I can think of!

Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

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