Need some words of comfort

Oh gosh, reading your post this could have been me writing it almost two years ago.

In recent months and weeks you've been through some of the most stressful and difficult life experiences; buying a home, moving house and the loss of your dad. My sincere condolences on your loss.

Two years ago I got a call at my desk at work at 8am. It was my dad telling me he'd found my mum unresponsive in a chair at home. Despite our best efforts and those of paramedics mum couldn't be saved. It was a huge shock for us all. Two months later my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers and began suffering with fairly minor, but recurring infections and illness.

At the time I was an Executive Assistant working at a high level in a national organisation. I took some time off to deal with the administration of mum's affairs, arranging her funeral etc, then returned to work for 2 weeks until her funeral. I felt I had to keep going as it was the only "normality" in my life at the time, and I didn't want to let anyone down.

Six weeks later I still felt just as you described. I had to haul myself out of bed for work in the mornings, wanted to sleep all the time, went shopping and came home without things I'd gone for, even though they were on my list and even managed to return my trolley in a supermarket car park, leaving my handbag containing my purse, phone, all sorts in the trolley.

A few weeks later I was struck down with shingles. It's the most excruciatingly painful condition and I had what our GP said was the worst case he'd ever seen. This was my body's way of saying "if you're not listening to me I'm damn well going to make you stop!". I was ill for months and almost 2 years later still suffer horrible nerve pain if I get overtired or stressed.

My advice to you is to listen to your body; it's simply trying to tell you what it needs to get you through the things that life has, and continues to throw at you. Take time out for you. If you're working can you take some leave? If not do visit your GP and ask to be signed off to allow you some time to deal with recent events and to help your body and mind to take the time and rest they need to stay healthy. Don't do as I did and keep going. I so wish I'd listened to my body and put myself into the equation before I had no option.

I wish you well and hope that this is a help. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it might not even be a train coming the other way, but the tunnel is different for everyone and we all deal with life events differently. Let others help you by running you a bath or cooking for you but most importantly take some time out for you, book yourself a massage or pamper session where you can really relax and be you. Cry if you need to, or perhaps write down your thoughts and feelings and put them away in a drawer. Speak with your GP if you feel that may help. It may be that a short course of anti-depressants may help tide you through this difficult time and out the other side.

Your post really resonated with me, and whilst I don't have all the answers I hope that some of my suggestions may help you. Two years on things are still difficult at times, but if I could turn the clock back I would have realised sooner that looking after myself had to be a priority too. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and I hope you don't mind me sharing my experiences with you .

I wish you well x

Condolences from me too. Two of the most stressful things in life happening within a couple of days of each other is really really tough.

I echo what other posters have written. Be kind to yourself. Don't stress about the house; does it matter if it takes months rather than weeks to sort? One thing I would suggest (depending on the work that needs doing) is to have one room which you can live with which becomes your haven. When you are surrounded by boxes, plaster dust and paint tins, it's so disheartening. If there is one space that is free from that, make some time each day to go in there and just chill. Cry, read, listen to music or just close your eyes and breathe deeply for a few minutes in there because it will help.

I had a haven when we moved house. It's still probably the nicest room and we still haven't done a lot to it 10 years on! But it was somewhere I could go to unwind and forget about the chaos of the rest of the place.

Best of luck x

I had some awful things happen over the summer and felt the way you describe. I was so shell shocked that I couldn't cry though I needed to.

What helped to an extent was having an afternoon on my own watching a smaltzy tear jerking movie. I still didn't manage to let the tears flow, but I'd given myself permission to feel wretched and for some reason that did help. I also read some online advice about recovering from a bereavement and getting over a break up (neither of which was what had happened to me but I rationalised I was feeling the same way) and that helped too because it helped me realise that this too will pass.

If you can call on some professional help do, but if you can't, finding a way to let the tears flow, and being able to own your feelings and realising that they will come and go, may bring you some comfort.

xx

Concentrate on just getting through today. Concentrate on you, which means if you need to spend the weekend sleeping and crying, do it.

You have a new house which will be amazing in time; as long as there is a roof, windows and doors, toilet roll in the bathroom and somewhere to put a thermos flask of tea, anything else is a bonus. The house will still be there in a week, a fortnight or a month and you will get there in the end - the essential building work will just be a memory as you put the kettle on and make your Mum a cuppa when she visits you.

The parking ticket is frustrating. But hey, you made it into work, you took the delivery, something had to give when you're under so much stress. You likely won't do it again, but even if you do, it's just a slight slip in concentration. Don't beat yourself up about it.


This period of pressure and intense sorrow will ease. All you can do is try to deal with what you have to do Right Now and the rest can be dealt with at a later date.


Tomorrow - deal with that tomorrow. Concentrate upon what you need Today.