Age Gap Relationships
Jo3y83
Posts: 133 Forumite
My partner and I have been a couple for almost 2 years. We've known each other for around 10 years as we work for the same company and formed a firm friendship during those years. Since my marriage broke down and he was long-term separated we decided to give a relationship a try.
I have no regrets about this but as there is a 16 year age gap between us (I'm almost 36 and he is 51). I've noticed there seems to be quite a bit of non-verbal and verbal judgement, which I've found a little hard to deal with. We often receive strange looks from an older generation and comments towards him, such as "you're punching above your weight". It can be quite upsetting.
My parents have 13 years between them so I grew up not judging such relationships but I feel this is not the case for others.
I have no children and he has a 20 year old son, who has completely accepted me and we've become mates.
Has anyone else in an age gap relationship had similar findings? I want to find a way to care less about what people think and I feel a little alone in that respect.
I have no regrets about this but as there is a 16 year age gap between us (I'm almost 36 and he is 51). I've noticed there seems to be quite a bit of non-verbal and verbal judgement, which I've found a little hard to deal with. We often receive strange looks from an older generation and comments towards him, such as "you're punching above your weight". It can be quite upsetting.
My parents have 13 years between them so I grew up not judging such relationships but I feel this is not the case for others.
I have no children and he has a 20 year old son, who has completely accepted me and we've become mates.
Has anyone else in an age gap relationship had similar findings? I want to find a way to care less about what people think and I feel a little alone in that respect.
Debt: £36,464 :eek:
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Comments
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Just ignore any negative comments, after a while people will get used to you as a couple and won't notice there is any difference.
If you react then you will make any 'discussion' go on for longer.Decluttering, 20 mins / day Jan 2024 2/20 -
The rule is twice your age minus 7.
So if youre 8 you can be with an 11 year old.
If youre 16 you can be with someone up to 25 years old.
Youre 35 so can be tapping up blokes that are 63 if you so wished.
There nothing at all iffy about your age gap and im surprised youre getting comments/looks. If you want to make yourself feel any better, blokes skin tends to age more slowly than womens. So whilst he will age as he does, your body will be trying to catch him up! Give it another 5-10 years and youll look closer in age.0 -
oystercatcher wrote: »Just ignore any negative comments, after a while people will get used to you as a couple and won't notice there is any difference.
If you react then you will make any 'discussion' go on for longer.
Thank you
My parents were the ones that encouraged the relationship if it was what we wanted.
Others are a little less nice
Sometimes I get asked what the age gap is and when I tell them the response is "16 years!!" as if it's some kind of crime.
Debt: £36,464 :eek:
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The rule is twice your age minus 7.
So if youre 8 you can be with an 11 year old.
If youre 16 you can be with someone up to 25 years old.
Youre 35 so can be tapping up blokes that are 63 if you so wished.
There nothing at all iffy about your age gap and im surprised youre getting comments/looks. If you want to make yourself feel any better, blokes skin tends to age more slowly than womens. So whilst he will age as he does, your body will be trying to catch him up! Give it another 5-10 years and youll look closer in age.
Thank you I've always been a little unconfident in my life and sometimes I allow others' comments and looks to affect me in a negative way. I'm glad the age gap isn't that unusual though. Although with some of the looks we get you'd think it was!
Debt: £36,464 :eek:
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No one's business but yours.
Practically though, I think it becomes harder as you get older, if you are at very different stages of life/work/health than your partner.How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.31% of current retirement "pot" (as at end March 2024)0 -
My mum said something similar. My parents have been married for 37 years and she has mentioned to me that as my dad has gotten older the age gap has shown a little more for various reasons.No one's business but yours. Thank you
Practically though, I think it becomes harder as you get older, if you are at very different stages of life/work/health than your partner.
Debt: £36,464 :eek:
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Organza_Lace wrote: »Dont think i could face an 103 year old partner.
I could cope with being a younger woman i think well i was married to a man who was a fair few years older than me but as for being an older woman....i'd be scared he'd be more attracted to women his own age than me. What do you tell his Mum who probably isnt that much older than me?
What happens when your old and frail and your partner is still young enough to be out there enjoying life?
I'm sorry but I'm unsure if this needs answering by me or the original poster?
Debt: £36,464 :eek:
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Either I was not switched on to everyone else, or no-one was daft enough to make remarks, but I sailed through my 28 years with my 23 years older than me partner, without anyone making comments.
Take no notice, they'll get bored.
EDit, since people ask about what you do when the older partner gets frailer/ill. Well you are either in it for a quick shag or you are in it through thick and thin, so when the bad stuff happens, you get on with it and accept it. Mr Bugs fell ill with dementia. I'd always worked on the principle that he would be likely to go before me, so I just cared for him the best I could until it came time for him to go into a care home.
And in life there are no certainties, you could be the rare case of someone much younger falling ill whilst the older partner is still reasonably fit and healthy.0 -
I could have written your post 25 years ago. My husband and I have been married 15 years now. There are always going to be little things that happen because of the age difference. Our latest was the consultant at the hospital who quizzed me a bit to make sure I was mr, comeandgo's wife, not daughter, before he told me some medical issues there were.
Enjoy each other while you can, now the age difference has caught up with us and my husband is failing but at least I am young enough to care for him.0 -
Either I was not switched on to everyone else, or no-one was daft enough to make remarks, but I sailed through my 28 years with my 23 years older than me partner, without anyone making comments.
Take no notice, they'll get bored.
Good for you I'd love to feel that way, not notice the looks or remarks. Maybe I'm being too sensitive? So pleased to hear it worked long term for you - I know age gap relationships can have a stigma and some people are not overly accepting but you steamed through
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