Fake marriage
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Steady on!Men have feeling too people. I think it's always good to think of the thread from alternate points of view. How would the op's hubby start his thread.
Well we have been together since we were young. I have paid for the house and provided for our family in every way. Now as I am getting a little older I feel I need to slow down a bit and helping out the kids and grandkids ect is exactly what i enjoy...after my lifetime of work we can afford this. But the wife has reacted to my plans with horror it's almost as if....she never wanted me around the house. She would have been perfectly happy for me to work past retirement until I drop. I have also noticed that she feels I have not "grabbed my chance", but I think since I have managed to provide for my family throughout our marriage that I actually have grabbed my chances and I am just not a gambler. Maybe it is because SHE has not grabbed her chances or maybe she always hankered after that go-getter who just loves the 90 hour weeks and keep the cash coming.
Does that sound a little harsh ? From the info given it could fit....at least be honest and stop wasting more of both your life.
Hasn't the OP worked too? Even part time before the kids went to school? That can't have been easy.
Hasn't the OP paid for everything apart from the mortgage and council tax? I wouldn't say that he's 'provided for his family in every way'.
Isn't the OP still working whilst this 60 year old - still 6 years away from pension age - is not working?
The OP has a final salary pension scheme to bring to the table.0 -
Thanks Pollycat, all of that. I am facing working to 67. I am not even bothered that he is not working, I know he worked hard till 57 but I have also worked throughout. I resent that he sees it as his house when my earnings allowed him to concentrate on paying the mortgage.0
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Why steady on lol. The op hubby has broughhalf to the table in any reasonable measure. The op is the one feeling like she does. If the thread was started by the op's hubby saying yeah all she done was bought the groceries and brought up the kids I would be equally "unreasonable". I think I was most disturbed by the "Didn't take his chances" comment. It really is just the opposite to what I believe is impoprtant in life. Health and happiness come way up the line. Also we do not know what the op's hubby did for a living....It may have been a heavy workload either metally exhausting or even physicallly. I fail to see why the hubby staying at home as long as they can afford it should upset the wife in such a dramatic way. From the info we are given it seems he is spending his time well doing all those family things he most probably missed out on while the children were growing. Now I have no idea if the op also missed out on these things but that is for her to say and also for her to reconcile.Steady on!
Hasn't the OP worked too? Even part time before the kids went to school? That can't have been easy.
Hasn't the OP paid for everything apart from the mortgage and council tax? I wouldn't say that he's 'provided for his family in every way'.
Isn't the OP still working whilst this 60 year old - still 6 years away from pension age - is not working?
The OP has a final salary pension scheme to bring to the table.
I still stand by the statement - stop messing say how you feel and either split or live together with seperate lives.
For better or for worse
For richer or poorer
In sickness and in health
Till death us do part.......All a load of tosh should just scrap the lot of them and make it "while things are ok" lol0 -
You resent it that he sees it as his house? It's both your house lol But imsure if anyone asks any of you seperately you would hopefully both be able to state that the place was "your" home. If it came to law then you would both get half regardless of how much you both felt you own.Thanks Pollycat, all of that. I am facing working to 67. I am not even bothered that he is not working, I know he worked hard till 57 but I have also worked throughout. I resent that he sees it as his house when my earnings allowed him to concentrate on paying the mortgage.0 -
If the thread was started by the op's hubby saying yeah all she done was bought the groceries and brought up the kids I would be equally "unreasonable".
All that and work as well, he has never provided for me, as he says why would I think he should? I'm of an age where I have friends who gave up work when they had kids and never went back and friends of my age who always worked and never had kids, not many who did both. No right answer.0 -
No mention of OP's husband leaning on her for financial assistance, so on the face of it he retired at 57 which is not at all unreasonable if he has the funds to do so, and is spending his retirement being "no. 1 dad" which sounds like a positive thing to me.
OP has an issue with some historical financial arrangements but it's hard to judge who - if anyone - is in the wrong without knowing how that was dealt with at the time. If the OP accepted the arrangements at the time then it's unfair to drag them up years or decades later.
The other issue is that OP's husband has decided he wants to see his old friends without the respective partners being involved which again doesn't sound too unreasonable. It's good to have your own friends as well as couple friends and he might consider his school friends to be his own friends in the first instance.
I can't see that he has done anything wrong at all, based on the information given.0 -
'Steady on' because you've extrapolated a load of stuff on behalf of someone who's not said anything.Why steady on lol.
'Steady on' because a lot of the stuff you've extrapolated is wrong.
lolYou resent it that he sees it as his house? It's both your house lol But imsure if anyone asks any of you seperately you would hopefully both be able to state that the place was "your" home. If it came to law then you would both get half regardless of how much you both felt you own.
Yes, the house belongs to both parties.
The OP appears to accept that but not her husband.
lol0 -
I hope im not comming across as a troll or anything. Perhaps I was a little bullish lol. But when I saw the thread title and then read the op I came away thinking poor guy - considering the age of both today then he may well have been of a mind to retire at around this age....maybe not. My brother is the same age and he is retiring next year.....he has planned this since his mid 20's. His wife is perfectly happy to continue working......she does have 5 years on him age wise though lol. But in all seiousness they both do what they want their finances are sound (As you would "hope" at that age) - When he was planning his age to retire people were only living on average until late 60's at best....also it is much lower in Glasgow where he lived in his early years of marrage....so retirng before you pop your cloggs was definately a "thing". The way they are now has freed him up to do the house/home work and take care of all the little things that need doing. She works less hours than she used too, she also comes home to dinner on the table and the house clean ect...so it seems to work for them.'Steady on' because you've extrapolated a load of stuff on behalf of someone who's not said anything.
'Steady on' because a lot of the stuff you've extrapolated is wrong.
lol
Yes, the house belongs to both parties.
The OP appears to accept that but not her husband.
lol
I suppose someone earlier on in this thread hit on the thing - maybe they just never talked about it...which is a fault on both sides.
As nicely as I can put this - OP is still "young" so is her other half. If they cant have the conversation now thentheywill never have it. If they have the conversation and either side is desperately unhappy at the outcome then they both owe it to themselves each other and their family to just accept it sell up and move on and try to remain good friends....Easier said than done but possible with the correct will.0 -
Sounds very similar, we have a 6 year age gap. As I said I am not bothered that he is not working other than if at any stage I had decided to stop working we'd have had no food/utilities etc. I did have a period of unemployment a couple of years ago but signed on. It comes down to never having had shared goals or working as a team.0
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