Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2..

Afternoon,

I thought I'd post another weekly update. Time really is flying by before we know it.

Everything seems to be going smoothly in the life of the boy and me. I had a little wobble earlier on in the week but it's nothing that I can't cope or deal with.

I had a consultant appointment on Tuesday where they've added back in one of my medications that another consultant took me off so here we go again with titration it back up. The consultant states that I'm a rather confusing patient as he states as well as ADHD and bipolar disorder, he also suspects I exhibit signs of borderline personality disorder.. So that's three diagnoses to deal with and come to terms with. They are going to explore psychotherapy options for me and see what they can offer.

I've been working the rest of the week. Everything at work has been going okay apart from an accident which happened yesterday that shook me up a little bit. I think I need to talk it out with my manager when I'm back in tomorrow.

I decided to pursue the private counselling route. It's £60 a session and I had my first one today. I already feel as if a weight has been lifted and I've booked in for another session in two weeks time. So here's to a new beginning with that and hopefully l'll find my way.

I'm currently sat in the garden sunbathing as it's such lovely weather. A little vitamin D never hurt anybody .

I'm having my eyebrows and wax done later on and then I'm off out bowling for the evening with work friends which should be a good laugh.

So life seems to be on the up finally. I'm still having a couple of little wobbles along the way but I'm trying to get through it and taking each day as it comes.

Everything is finally coming together for my mum's surprise 60th birthday this weekend. I've sorted out all the decorations this morning and collated a list of final numbers. The boy accidently let slip about it in front of my Mum a few weeks back so she had an idea I was planning something. She said she will still act as if it's as surprise lol!

Oh and I've booked to go to Dublin in June with my friend for four days which should be good! There's a possibility I may also be booking Amsterdam with another friend if he can get the leave.

So that's pretty much it really. This month's budget is showing to be a bit tight but I'm not surprised with everything we have going on.

I just need to book my car in for a service and MOT now then that should be it!

So it's been a busy couple of days, albeit emotional at times but I'm coming through.

I had a great time bowling with work friends on Thursday night and had a few drinks with the girls. Theres many photos and video evidence of this but the main thing was that I enjoyed myself, even if I did spend quite a bit of money. It was worth it all. The memories and laughs will continue.

I worked a late shift on the Friday then went shopping for the last touches for my Mums birthday. My sister and her partner then came home for the weekend.

Saturday didn't start of too well as I spoke to manfriend. I've not mentioned much of him lately. I thought we were getting to a better place and then he dropped the bombshell he had met someone else on holiday who he'd fallen in love with. He proceeded to tell me all about her and it literally broke me. Only two weeks before as he left he told me he loved me and we had something unbreakable. How tables have turned. I could no longer listen to it so I've blocked all forms of communication and my last words to him was I told him I hated him. I hate him for what he's done to me and he promised he was always going to be there. In my eyes you can't fall in love just like that, it's probably more infatuation but I'm coming to terms with it all now and that I deserve better and much more then he can give. I had a really good cry and then picked myself back up.

Saturday turned out to be a busy day. All the family arrived home and the planning went ahead for my mum's 60th. The boy and I went for lunch with my sister then I took him for a haircut which made him look really grown up. I booked myself in last minute to have my hair put up for the evening which only cost me £10, what a bargain! I then sorted out the balloon saga and went ahead to decorate the venue whilst enjoying a bottle of wine to myself. The room looked amazing and my friend came and helped and also did my makeup. I looked like a completely different person and the photos show someone who looks happy and content. The night passed by quickly and everyone had a good time.

I've spent enough in this past week that I'm now going to knuckle down on saving. My brother contributed towards the party and I'm awaiting my sisters contribution.

I've decided though that I'm not letting the actions of manfriend affect me. I was getting myself back onto an even keel and found myself in a better place. It's yet another setback but I'm resillient enough to come through it all. He's stated we can be friends but I don't want to be friends with someone who could hurt me the way he has done, it wouldn't be the same. I'm not sitting back and watching him move on with his life with some other girl whilst I hurt myself in the process. I found myself comparing myself to her which isn't healthy. I saw some pictures and it made me think he's downgraded rather then upgraded and it made me feel better. She may have other qualities that I may not but there's alot more to me that meets the eye. I may not be the best cook, a martial arts master or any other things he told me but I'm a decent human being with a lot to offer and in the future someone will discover that and I'll find myself happy and painfree with someone else.

For now I'm concentrating on myself. I'm due a meeting this week at work to find out if I'll be made permanent which I'm hopeful will happen. From there on I'll make some personal work related goals to meet. I'm going to continue with the gym, I've lost 12lb to date and can already feel the difference in my body. The dress I wore on Saturday night didn't fit me six months ago so that was a bonus. Another thing I've been doing is going on the sunbeds, I'm aware of the risks associated with this but I've only been occasionally and have developed a healthy looking glow which has made me feel better. I'm going to continue taking my meds and attend counselling where able to, I've alot of feelings and emotions to get out and work through so this will be good long term and I'm sure worth the money if it helps me in the process.

I've a lot of upcoming events for the year which will be rather spendy but I've decided this year is the year I find myself. Although it's been a tough start, I'm still here and breathing. We've a lot of important events happening and milestones in life. I've the trip away to Dublin, a hen weekend in Wales, a family holiday to Cornwall and a two week cruise in the Caribbean to look forward too. Then I have my sisters wedding which I'm bridemaid for and I honestly can't wait.

Everything else can take a back seat, I'm ready to enjoy my life and live it to the fullest. You only live once and making memories is part of it.

I'll continue to save money each month but I'm not going to put as much pressure on myself as I have been doing. I'm in no rush to move out and I'm content with the life the boy and I lead.

I just need to get back into a routine and everything else will fall together.

Here's to the new positive me!

I'll no longer be posting on this diary due to someone I know reading up/checking up on it.

It's been fun to share but it's time I moved on from here and to new beginnings.

After some careful thinking I've decided to carry on posting here and if certain people want to check up on me then they can. There's nothing that I post on here that I wouldn't tell other people in person. This is my place to share and one of my outlets, so it continues.

I've had a busy week at work but the good news is I've finally secured a permanent position! I'll still only be doing thirty hours but it suits me just perfectly. I found out on Thursday so we had a chinese that night to celebrate. Everybody is really happy for me especially at work. All my hard work and effort has paid off and no one but myself doubted me along the way. I've proved myself in so many ways and I'm just so relieved now. I love being part of the team I'm in and have made so many friends, some that will last a life time. It's like my second home there and I do really enjoy what I do.

As I've had such a busy working week, I've not had much time to spend. I've a couple of days off now which I'll use as time to recuperate.

The boy and I have been swimming this morning and we saw one of the guys I work with there so I had a good catch up with him whilst the kids played. He offered for me to go round to his tonight but I already have plans so will arrange for another time. We are off up town shortly with my Mum as she needs some new shoes and then we are going round to my cousins house for a bit.

I've no plans as of yet for tomorrow except to take the boy to his ice skating lesson. I'll more then likely have a catch up with my friend there. And then I'm back at work on Monday! I just need to sort out my portfolio and take that in and from there on everything should be okay.