MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Can kids buy anything they want?

oldnewhand · 8 November 2006 at 11:27PM

Purely for social reasons I believe family should remain in contact as much as possible. As a teacher of much younger children I am astounded by the amount of time some 6-7 year olds spend in their bedrooms, usually with DVDs play stations or maybe computers. Their social interaction skills are not well developed. I'm sure teenagers will find some way of accessing material their parents would not approve of, that's part of the rebellion, but with mutual respect, shared values, trust and openess, that material is less likely to cause more than a titter. The best place for the computer is in a family area or where there is "passing traffic" so information can be shared, rather than teenager spied on.

Kantankrus_Mare · 8 November 2006 at 11:52PM

Just a thought ......but won't a savvy teenager who often knows more than parents do about computers , delete any history or evidence of what they have been viewing?

yracry · 8 November 2006 at 11:56PM

Hello!

You're getting a lot of advice from parents here, but comming from someone who had internet access when they were 14 I thought you could use a bit a of perspective! (ps - im now 19 and work in IT)

Firstly - don't panic, this really isn't the end of the world. :-)

Secondly - The restrictions will not work. End of discussion.

The main argument here has been missed; if your child wants to see/find out about the things you are worried about they will do it any way, regardless of them having a laptop or not. The laptop is just a tool, please don't feel like your making it easier for them to go down some tabloid-esque road of corruption because you won't be. I had access in a public room of our house and viewed all kinds of things I wasn't supposed to. When my parents came to see what i was doin............I just minimised the window. Nothing can prevent your kid from just minimising/closing a window and deleteing all trace of what they have done (you learn VERY quickly how to do that).

The issues you are concerned about are issues in life and not the internet. All the things you can see and do online your child can do in real life and are often more likely to happen. The only difference is them recognising what is going to harm them. Letting them have it and having all those awkward conversations about sex and drugs and terrible things in life would (in my opinion) be infinitely more productive than either outright saying no or restricting access. My parents didn't and I worked it out for myself - but i know I would have been better off if my parents explained some of them to me.

At the same time I would relax a bit, the internet helped me gain a lot of confidence and make new friends. I went to school about 15 miles from home - I couldn't walk down the street and hang out with my friends and I couldn't phone them all at once, so we hung out online. It helped stop me from going insane during puberty. I also learnt a shedload of stuff, If i got curious about something, I wouldn't go ask a patronising parent - i'd go look myself. That's especially more relavent now wikipedia is about. The internet is big and scary, but it's also great fun! That's the most likely reason for your kid wanting it in the first place!

So in my opinion (from a non-money perspective) - let them have it. By stopping them it's a bit of an insult to there acheivement. Not to mention you are just making it more attractive to those things you are afraid of them doing. There are dangers here, it would be beneficial for you to find out for yourselves first what they are and work out how you would cope with them. The horror stories you see in the news can and are avoided with care, but ultimately that care cannot come from you, it's up to the them. You can only prepare them the best as possible.

Hope it all works out for you!

Tom :-)

Kantankrus_Mare · 9 November 2006 at 12:04AM

yracry wrote:

Hello!

You're getting a lot of advice from parents here, but comming from someone who had internet access when they were 14 I thought you could use a bit a of perspective! (ps - im now 19 and work in IT)

Firstly - don't panic, this really isn't the end of the world. :-)

Secondly - The restrictions will not work. End of discussion.

The main argument here has been missed; if your child wants to see/find out about the things you are worried about they will do it any way, regardless of them having a laptop or not. The laptop is just a tool, please don't feel like your making it easier for them to go down some tabloid-esque road of corruption because you won't be. I had access in a public room of our house and viewed all kinds of things I wasn't supposed to. When my parents came to see what i was doin............I just minimised the window. Nothing can prevent your kid from just minimising/closing a window and deleteing all trace of what they have done (you learn VERY quickly how to do that).

The issues you are concerned about are issues in life and not the internet. All the things you can see and do online your child can do in real life and are often more likely to happen. The only difference is them recognising what is going to harm them. Letting them have it and having all those awkward conversations about sex and drugs and terrible things in life would (in my opinion) be infinitely more productive than either outright saying no or restricting access. My parents didn't and I worked it out for myself - but i know I would have been better off if my parents explained some of them to me.

At the same time I would relax a bit, the internet helped me gain a lot of confidence and make new friends. I went to school about 15 miles from home - I couldn't walk down the street and hang out with my friends and I couldn't phone them all at once, so we hung out online. It helped stop me from going insane during puberty. I also learnt a shedload of stuff, If i got curious about something, I wouldn't go ask a patronising parent - i'd go look myself. That's especially more relavent now wikipedia is about. The internet is big and scary, but it's also great fun! That's the most likely reason for your kid wanting it in the first place!

So in my opinion (from a non-money perspective) - let them have it. By stopping them it's a bit of an insult to there acheivement. Not to mention you are just making it more attractive to those things you are afraid of them doing. There are dangers here, it would be beneficial for you to find out for yourselves first what they are and work out how you would cope with them. The horror stories you see in the news can and are avoided with care, but ultimately that care cannot come from you, it's up to the them. You can only prepare them the best as possible.

Hope it all works out for you!

Tom :-)

Excellently put Tom ......BUT you sound like a very bright , level headed young man.

Not all teenagers are like you and Im beginning to wonder why my own 13 year old gets up before the rest of the household in a morning and I find him on the computert.......playing "halo" innocently of course.

All I know is that if Id had access to the internet and all that it entails when I was 14/15......me and my mate would have got into all kinds of scrapes and we weren't daft by any means. Just your normal curious teenagers.

yracry · 9 November 2006 at 12:20AM

Lol, oh believe me - i did too. My mum once found a love letter I wrote to a girl at school in word (recent file lists are not pleasant!) and didn't see it as a massive breach of privacy for some reason to read it..... I was banned from the internet for some time and royally told off for some reason......... Believe, me it wasn't the poor rhythmic skills associated with said hormone driven poetry that was the problem - it was the realisation that i was having 'adult' feelings that she was blaming the internet for.

Unrelated, but nonetheless a harsh reminder to learn how to cover my tracks - something that could help you guys out when dealing with your kids. They will get themselves into trouble (believe me, worse happened too) and things will shock you - it's often not the crisis it's made out to be. Try not to over-react if something scary sounding happens (hands up - who never flashed a car when they were a teenager?(if i asked my peers, i'd replace car with webcam, catch my drift?:)), just be sure to react and behave as responsibly as you wish them to.

Tom :-)

Kantankrus_Mare · 9 November 2006 at 12:24AM

Lol but the thing thats worrying me slightly more is that my son is called Tom too:D

nearlyrich · 9 November 2006 at 12:35AM

Bring them up right and trust them, it's worked for me.

yracry · 9 November 2006 at 1:01AM

Lol, in which case nothing I've said applies to you and your in for a world of pain

If your 13 year old is getting up before any of you - I'd enjoy that while you can! With regards to Halo - it's a great game and has inspired many people to spend stupid quantities of time playing games online(at stupid hours too.........*looks innocent*). I could tackle teenagers and online gaming but it would need a thread of it's own (although many of the issues are interlinked with this).

Your son is about to get himself into a whole bunch of trouble on his own but you don't need me to tell you that

. The main thing I'm trying to get across is that internet access facilitates this as does any thing that combines information and socialising, however it is very rarely the root cause or the skapegoat for the problem - it's just another part of day to day life.

Tom's probably just growing up and doing what teenagers do - as are all the pubescants we're all worried about here. It's demystifying what they (i should really say 'we') are doing which leads to misunderstanding and fear. The main problem faced is that they will very rarely want to let you know what they are doing (the version you want to hear anyway) because it's they're lives. You wouldn't want your parents to know anything about your bedroom habbits or what you last did when you were drunk now would you? Neither will your teenager and in that respect fair enough! However you are still going to want to parent and guide your children through this time and you'd be in every right mind to think that way! It's finding the balance that solves the problems faced with issues like these that will work it out. And it ALWAYS has to be individual to each teenager - I don't need to tell anyone that there's no blanket answer to this. Tom and the child in question from Martin's (urm) gauntlet will in no shade of a doubt be completely different people who will need completely different solutions to the same problems.

So good luck parents!

Tom :-)

PS,

Please take head in this, saying 'because I say so' is NOT a reason - it's an excuse to not encourage debate or to give the teenager in question an opportunity to debate and reason/hissy fit with you. It's also IMMENSELY furstrating and cruel. Imagine if your boss said that to you at work? Imagine how you'd feel? Your reasons might be solid and your heart in the right place, but it's far more productive to explain why and let them state their case. It's harder work - but they will respect you more for it.

jonifen · 9 November 2006 at 1:50AM

I can see where yracry is coming from, but the whole thing can be seen differently depending on people's individual circumstances.

I would personally allow them to get the laptop and would help them in making sure they bought the best one for their money (I have a pretty big IT background), but they'd use the internet in a family area until we were happy they could be trusted. However, we would be making a point of popping into their rooms to say hello and stuff, just to be sure

And as someone else said... they grunt little enough as it is, if they're cooped up in their rooms, we'd hear the grunts even less!!

kondormid · 9 November 2006 at 3:47AM

This is a no brainer for me, because my sister a few years ago got a PC for her sons. She knew nothing about PCs.

Well, second day she had it off she went to a supermarket, her 15 and 13 yr old son still playing on the PC. When she got back the PC was down and out (of order that is) obvious to me what 15 and 13 yr old boys will do on the net, obvious to her to I am sure, but it was a risk she was willing to take.

Just to educate those that are sheltered from such things, virus writers KNOW what younger teens surf for, boys or girls. They use that information to infect their PC. So obviously naked ladies and free stuff feature highly in the spread of a virus.

The cure, when I say cure it sort of works. Programs like Cyber Patrol and Virus Software. The obvious thing to do here is ask the person who is looking after the PC in emergncies what software they think you should install.

I must admit, as a single lone parent of a 4 yr old, I am going to have to install that patrol software soon too. The simple fact is that with it my sister can look at what they have been looking at, obviously anything that gets through (not a lot but they seem to find some) she can easily block from her end.

Nothing is without a trade off. In return I feel her PC is a bit slower on start up. There is a cost too, but, for me, I would easily allow a 13 yr old have access to a PC as long as I had the key as so to speak. Log the hours, remove access to certain programs and block the unwanted stuff as much as possible.

Never kid yourself that you can monitor a childs access to the net 24/7, even if you try I guarantee they will beat you. Instead "manage" it.

MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Can kids buy anything they want?

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