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Nargleblast wrote: »Lessonlearned there is a saying that goes something like "the best form of revenge is to lead a good life"
What a great saying....not heard that one.
I think that's what always drove my dad to such fury, the fact that I had a good life despite all his efforts to undermine me.0 -
LL
In the old days in America the attitude in the south towards people of colour was "be close but don't do well "and in the north it was "do well but don't be close."
Sounds as if she has chosen "don't do well" "don't be a person"
"don't disagree" and "be a clone but a lesser one"."This site is addictive!"
Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
Preemie hats - 2.0 -
Oh you lot are fab......:D0
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In my case it was my mum. She tried to prevent me doing the 11+, the Junior school Headmaster (1959) met me outside the school gate the next day (Mum had kept me at home...most,most unusual) and marched me into his study and I sat the paper, alone.I think that's what always drove my dad to such fury, the fact that I had a good life despite all his efforts to undermine me.
I passed went to grammar school. (My 4 siblings didn't pass). After gaining top marks for O level, she burned my books that I got as a prize. Not once did she come to the school parent evening, but did go to my siblings' evenings....
She didn't come to my degree ceremony. It went on like that... but at the time I did not realize what she was doing. After her death and the fractious will, it was her sisters and her friends who pointed out to me what she had done and that they had found it so hard to think an otherwise lovely woman could be so malicious to one of her children.
On any measuring stick, I have done well in life. My siblings have fared less well especially in their love lives.0 -
Good lord........ME. That is just horrific.
It beggars belief doesn't it that a parent could be so spiteful and vindictive towards one child and yet dote on another.
I guess we will never know what went through their heads and what made them that way.0 -
That is appalling M.E.
Every child is supposed to "live their life"/get a job or career to the best of their own personal wishes and abilities.
That is obvious to us.
We can only guess as to whether your siblings were less capable than you are and your mother might have done this out of some (misguided imo) wish to keep you all on an "equal basis". That being rather than having one of you "pulling ahead" of the others - because of being more capable/intelligent/hard-working/delete as applicable.
That may have been her reasoning - ie to keep you all on an equal footing to each other (ie same income levels/same "class" level/etc)? She may have seen her actions in that light - rather than as malicious per se.
Having said that - I don't agree with what she did and also believe that each child should achieve whatever they personally are capable of achieving/wish to achieve. So be it if Sibling 1 ends up on good income and middle class lifestyle/way of thinking and another one ends up on poor income and a rather different lifestyle.
What counts is that the parent should give them all the same amount of financial help regardless of:
- intelligence level
- whether they get married or no
- whether they have children or no
and then makes it plain to them that each of their lifechoices are down to them and "You fly as high (or as low) as you personally wish/are capable of".0 -
In my case it was my mum. She tried to prevent me doing the 11+, the Junior school Headmaster (1959) met me outside the school gate the next day (Mum had kept me at home...most,most unusual) and marched me into his study and I sat the paper, alone.
I passed went to grammar school. (My 4 siblings didn't pass). After gaining top marks for O level, she burned my books that I got as a prize. Not once did she come to the school parent evening, but did go to my siblings' evenings....
She didn't come to my degree ceremony. It went on like that... but at the time I did not realize what she was doing. After her death and the fractious will, it was her sisters and her friends who pointed out to me what she had done and that they had found it so hard to think an otherwise lovely woman could be so malicious to one of her children.
On any measuring stick, I have done well in life. My siblings have fared less well especially in their love lives.
M.E. - this made me well up with tears. I'm glad you've done well in your life despite her.Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee. :j0 -
Good morning lovely people.
Yesterday was a very low day for me so thank you for letting me get things off my chest.......for your understanding and kind words.....yes I shed some tears but I think it helped.
I slept surptusingly well and feel much brighter today, so a big thank you.
"It's a new dawn, a new day and I'm feeling good." well better anyway.
Onwards and upwards.;)0 -
After her death and the fractious will, it was her sisters and her friends who pointed out to me what she had done and that they had found it so hard to think an otherwise lovely woman could be so malicious to one of her children.
How sad that these people couldn't have stepped in earlier and given you some of the support that your mother wasn't providing.
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Oh M.E I was moved to tears, how awful for you. I'm glad you did well in love and life and didn't let her affect you to the same bitterness. I agree with mojisola, to wonder why those who could see what was going on didn't do something.
Litchielou - I hope you find the courage to do less for your mother, it's difficult if you are a caring person to leave your family, and not have any remorse later particularly after they die. But you must know that you've done so much already and it must really hurt to feel 2nd best.
Is it possible to tell your mum how you feel? Maybe in written form if you are uncomfortable with speaking to her.Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.0
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