Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • MSE Sarah
    • By MSE Sarah 9th Apr 19, 1:59 PM
    • 189Posts
    • 82Thanks
    MSE Sarah
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I chase the loan I gave a friend?
    • #1
    • 9th Apr 19, 1:59 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I chase the loan I gave a friend? 9th Apr 19 at 1:59 PM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    I lent money to a friend, who promised to pay it back ASAP. But she's since lost her job, and paying it back will be a struggle. It's not a huge amount for me, but it's my money and I worked hard for it. Should I say something, or wait to see if it comes - even if that never happens?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

    If you havenít already, join the forum to reply.

    Got a money moral dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!

    Follow MSE on other Social Media:
    MSE Facebook, MSE Twitter, MSE Deals Facebook, MSE Deals Twitter, Forum Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest
    Join the MSE Forum
    Get the Free MoneySavingExpert Money Tips E-mail
    Report inappropriate posts: click the report button
    Point out a rate/product change
    Flag a news story: news@moneysavingexpert.com
Page 2
    • REJP
    • By REJP 10th Apr 19, 11:31 AM
    • 92 Posts
    • 96 Thanks
    REJP
    As already noted, depends how much value you place on friendship.
    I would write it off and keep my friend, she has enough to worry about at the moment. You say it is not a huge amount to you, so let it go.
    Maybe when she gets financially secure she may pay you back.
    My motto is you cannot buy friendship.
    • Mollyeyre
    • By Mollyeyre 10th Apr 19, 11:54 AM
    • 5 Posts
    • 12 Thanks
    Mollyeyre
    Don't lend if you cannot afford to give!
    Someone needs a loan and wants to repay? How will it be possible for them to 'Live' next week on 90% of what they couldn't live on this week?


    It really is better to say 'Accept this as a gift, but be aware that I will not lend you money again!' You say that the money isn't a huge amount to you, so it is probably better to cut your losses and put an end to any embarrassment verbally. You need you make your position clear, otherwise your friendship will fail!
    • Bellisima
    • By Bellisima 10th Apr 19, 12:47 PM
    • 121 Posts
    • 169 Thanks
    Bellisima
    I wanted to help out our granddaughter who was going through a messy relationship break up with her ex. She has 3 children and worked part time around school hours. She had to pay towards mediation, as well as the court case if it got that far. I was going to lend her some money to help, but then decided to give her £500, as I couldnít see how a single mum with 3 children could ever afford to repay me. I know sheís a relative, but I think you should have a conversation with your friend about the money. Depends how much you leant her?
    • crmism
    • By crmism 10th Apr 19, 7:10 PM
    • 156 Posts
    • 88 Thanks
    crmism
    Loan
    You may well feel that the money is worth more to you than it is to your friend, but given her altered circumstances since you lent it to her, and your own relatively comfortable situation, it's time to show compassion and allow her to make repayment when she can, as she clearly can't do it at the moment.

    Probably the very last thing she wants right now is to be chased for repayment so, in your shoes, I wouldn't bring the subject up. You have a vested interest in recovering your loan, though, so what I would do in your shoes is invest some time and offer assistance in two ways - firstly, help her devise a budget, as that would enable you and her to see that she's spending what little money she has prudently and, secondly, monitor her progress.

    It doesn't amount to control but, like any half-decent bank that's in danger of seeing an unsecured loan turn into a bad debt and written off, it's normal practice for a sympathetic lender to do what it can to improve the chances of repayment and gain an idea if and when the money will be repaid in full.
    • Marvel1
    • By Marvel1 10th Apr 19, 7:25 PM
    • 4,194 Posts
    • 4,659 Thanks
    Marvel1
    If they are going out, they can afford to pay you.
    • happyinflorida
    • By happyinflorida 10th Apr 19, 8:18 PM
    • 770 Posts
    • 662 Thanks
    happyinflorida
    How much did you lend this friend?

    Did you discuss repayment?

    Is this a close friend?

    I personally feel very, very strongly about lending and repaying money.

    I would never dream of not repaying someone if they lent me money but I've never borrowed a large amount from someone, only small amounts, ie not more than £10 and I've always paid back as soon as I could get to a bank, I'd go out of my way to take it back to my friend.

    I've lent money to people and lost it, always - so I would never, ever lend money to someone again. I don't trust people and I don't care how much they say they need money, they are not going to get it from me now.


    I always got pathetic excuses instead of payment and one person even said they were sure they'd almost paid me back and demanded copies of my bank statements to prove how many cheques they'd sent me!

    I sent them with certain bits blacked out and heard once more saying they'd pay in a months time as usual and never heard from them again.

    Lost friendships and I'd lost money - so learnt never, ever to lend, people are untrustworthy and not worth it.
    • Gresp
    • By Gresp 11th Apr 19, 9:42 AM
    • 35 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    Gresp
    As others have said, talk to her. If you're good friends, that shouldn't be a huge problem.

    Be clear that she doesn't have to pay now while she's not earning, but you do expect repayment once she's employed again. Agree a plan, maybe in writing. That way, you're being sympathetic to her circumstances, but clear and firm about her responsibility to repay you. It's win-win.

    If you were a bank or loan company, she'd get a lot less sympathy and leniency!
    • gloriouslyhappy
    • By gloriouslyhappy 12th Apr 19, 3:11 PM
    • 415 Posts
    • 851 Thanks
    gloriouslyhappy
    [QUOTE=crmism;75689804]You may well feel that the money is worth more to you than it is to your friend, but given her altered circumstances since you lent it to her, and your own relatively comfortable situation, it's time to show compassion and allow her to make repayment when she can, as she clearly can't do it at the moment.

    Probably the very last thing she wants right now is to be chased for repayment so, in your shoes, I wouldn't bring the subject up. You have a vested interest in recovering your loan, though, so what I would do in your shoes is invest some time and offer assistance in two ways - firstly, help her devise a budget, as that would enable you and her to see that she's spending what little money she has prudently and, secondly, monitor her progress.

    It doesn't amount to control but, like any half-decent bank that's in danger of seeing an unsecured loan turn into a bad debt and written off, it's normal practice for a sympathetic lender to do what it can to improve the chances of repayment and gain an idea if and when the money will be repaid in full.[/QUOTE

    Sensible advice about helping them sort out their budget, but I think the subject definitely should be brought up, sooner rather than later. As others have said, it will fester otherwise, and if this person genuinely meant to repay the loan, they'll be worrying about how to discuss it with you. As you say you're in the happy position of not needing the repayment immediately, you can put their mind at ease by discussing future repayment terms, and keep the friendship at the same time.
    • maiasopohie
    • By maiasopohie 12th Apr 19, 7:09 PM
    • 40 Posts
    • 31 Thanks
    maiasopohie
    I borrowed £2K off my son to get a new car when my dear Landie died. He’s 20 & it came out of the savings he’s hoping to put down as a deposit on a house. I’ve set up a standing order for £100 p/m which is all I can afford right now. Annoying I can’t do more as parents should be the ones to lan money not the other way round...
    • anne25
    • By anne25 15th Apr 19, 7:48 AM
    • 2 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    anne25
    I'm currently in a similar situation. I have talked to my friend about it. She claims to like cleaning and I DON'T! The plan is for her to clean my house to pay off the debt. That way we both win. Why did she break her arm just before we put this plan into action??? I live in hope. If I get the money back it will be a bonus but for her self-respect I think she should pay it back.
    • Red sky
    • By Red sky 21st Apr 19, 11:55 AM
    • 79 Posts
    • 117 Thanks
    Red sky
    Mate (if it's a guy asking). you ain't never going to get your money back whether you ask for it or not. She's even got a viable excuse for not paying it back but whether she's lost her job or not you were never going to get that money back. I have lots of experience about this trying to help people out in the past and I can tell you when you lend money, nobody's going to pay you back whether a friend or not. Once you lend money, that's it, gone, especially, dare I say on here, to a female friend. So, once you lend you might as well give, you'e not going to see that money again and I am speaking from lots of experience. That's one good reason why friends shouldn't lend money to each other if you want to remain friends. Just put it down to experience and a lesson learnt and don't lend money to anybody again unless you want to lose it.
    • Ebenezer_Screwj
    • By Ebenezer_Screwj 16th May 19, 4:58 PM
    • 433 Posts
    • 231 Thanks
    Ebenezer_Screwj
    It's too late to advise you never to lend money to anyone, but now it's done, you should ask for it back. After all it is your money
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

279Posts Today

3,486Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Channel 4 really screwed up not doing this on the Tory leaders debate last night, just think of the ratings... https://t.co/eYYfAYGdck

  • Teacher/head in a London(ish) senior school? I want film a 1hr ish talk to 16-18 yr olds on student finance (to put? https://t.co/dSsSp1UVDF

  • RT @thismorning: As a ban on rip-off bank fees is announced, @MartinSLewis explains if you can reclaim, and how to cut your overdraft costs?

  • Follow Martin