Relationship breakdown?

dirtycredit wrote: »

Alarm bells would be ringing off the hook if it was me..

His hobbies are stressing him out? are you sure these are hobbies and not another woman that he spends every night and saturday with stressing him out because she wants him to break up with you?

I'd book that solicitors appointment and get all of your ducks in a row if I were you.

DC x

Agreed

It just doesnt stack up. Sex suddenly non existent since last Dec? This is another indicator.

Sounds to me like he is looking for a fresh start with someone else - or at very least very confused about who to chose....

I think you need to start doing some very clear thinking, right now.

Because it's pretty obvious, from what you have posted, that your OH has done a LOT of thinking already. Moving to another country? Debts all in your name? He 'needs space' and has gone to live elsewhere? Not talking to you? Those aren't red flags, those are the countdown to a nuclear missile attack!

Men only make moves like this when they have already decided what they are doing - and it looks like he doesn't give a **** what happens to you. IMHO, he's doing the classic jump from one relationship to another, without bothering to inform you that he already has lined his next nest, elsewhere. I would love to be proved wrong. Don't think I am.

Sorry to be the bearer of such cynicism, but I think your intuition is ahead of you - you sort of already know he is leaving you, don't you?

Tool up, girl! Go see a solicitor, now, and see what you can do to protect yourself.

Newstart2017 wrote: »

he still keeps saying it is his decision

Then it's about time someone told him very forcefully that the days when men owned their wives have long gone and that you are as capable and entitled as he is in directing matters. There's no law in this country that I know of that compels you to sit in silence and wait for the other shoe to drop. What advantage to you in being a fallen leaf drifting along in the stream?

Might it be worth trying to have a quiet word with his parents since presumably they must be as aghast at the situation as you are and equally concerned for his wellbeing.

Not knowing either of you personally, it sounds to me that he's having thoughts about whether he's settled down too young/whether he can do this for the rest of his life.

This can happen and be thrown into sharp relief if they meet somebody else who represents freedom and youth (and, unfortunately, 22 year old females seem to be very impressed by blokes that play the guitar, have jobs and houses; it's not so much fun for them when they realise that they've actually got themselves somebody who is now homeless, skint and none of the amazing things they think are going to happen together actually do. Don't ask me why they're so impressed, I've played in enough bands - and been almost knocked down in the desperate rush to get to them once we've come offstage - to know they're just blokes like any other) - but it isn't the only way it happens.

If he uses the phrase 'I feel so old', that's a big clue. Wanting a baby when you don't, perhaps because he thinks that knocking on 30 is the time he should do it by, is another one - don't agree, because there's a high likelihood that after the initial joy has worn off, it's still something that he isn't content with. And, unfairly, your being unwell/unable to have physical intimacy is likely to have contributed towards it, as that doesn't just potentially leave him feeling uncared for (like I said, it's not fair, but feelings of rejection don't have logic) but he could be thinking that this could be what it's like forever. He could also be feeling that not wanting to have a baby is a rejection of him.

He might also hate the place you've moved to. That's something that happens sometimes, there might be no reason for it, but it might not be 'right' in some way, he could be sick of the attitude of locals, noise, traffic, the dull, miserable weather after a trip to a beautiful part of the world, it could be that everything has got on top of him and he's trying to find a way out, but your reluctance to change location is leaving him feeling trapped.


I don't know if this is something that can be fixed or not.

But I think, whatever happens, you make it clear that all the debts are going to be settled before anything else if he's deciding to separate.


And, I'm sorry to say this, but be prepared for him not actually having stayed at his parents. Better to be prepared and find out he's been there all the time, than caught offguard by his Mum not having seen or heard from him all week.

owen_money wrote: »

I agree, he's getting it else where

Why this is often the case, it isn't always. Why do people systematically assume there is?

I know a few people who decided to leave their long term partner but not because or when someone else was involved. In most cases, it was because they felt suffocated, usually be responsibilities and expectations and desperately wanted to start a less stressful life, which involved starting again.

OP, whatever his reasons, and whatever the outcome, I hope it all works out for you.