Can boyfriends ex take money from my wage as child matinence?
Comments
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Has this forum entered a time warp? Are we in the 1950's?
Why it is his responsibility to pay for his child and not the child's mother? Eh? You said it's irrelevant whether his ex works or not. So she doesn't have to support her child financially but he does? What a load of sexist drivel. They're both equally responsible.
Like I said if he becomes a SAHP he could offer shared care or even full time care of his older child. Then his ex could get a job. Or they could both get part time jobs. Why should it be him who provides the financial support and her the care?
I don't think you have read my posts properly. I have never said it is only his responsibility, in fact I have said it is the responsibility of both parents. Both parents are responsible, but the OP has implied that as he has contact and has the child at weekend it eliminates the need for him to pay maintenance.
I did say it was irrelevant whether or not the ex works, but if you read my post correctly I said it in the context of whether or not the ex works has no bearing on maintenance being paid.
Ive said repeatedly that a child is the responsibility of both parents so not sure where your 'sexist drivel' comes from.0 -
No you didn't. You said wrote it in a moralising context about what people "should" do. I quote the paragraph:I don't think you have read my posts properly. I have never said it is only his responsibility, in fact I have said it is the responsibility of both parents. Both parents are responsible, but the OP has implied that as he has contact and has the child at weekend it eliminates the need for him to pay maintenance.
I did say it was irrelevant whether or not the ex works, but if you read my post correctly I said it in the context of whether or not the ex works has no bearing on maintenance being paid.If his ex works or not is irrelevant. It takes 2 people to make a child so 2 should provide for it. In our case we worked as a couple and many times I contributed to his payments.
Yeah right, so it's equally up to the mother to support the child financially, yet you and most others only moralise about him getting a job, not the ex.Ive said repeatedly that a child is the responsibility of both parents so not sure where your 'sexist drivel' comes from.
He should offer help in other ways. Like looking after his child more, say 50/50. They're equally responsible, right? So they should share care equally. Why isn't that being moralised about? No, only the finances. Nothing to do with sexist stereotyping at all there, oh no.0 -
What rubbish.
I repeat again as you don't seem to understand. - It does not matter if the ex works or not, it is irrelevant, the other parent is still responsible for maintenance payments. That applies whatever sex the other parent is.
Understand now?0 -
If he chooses to be a SAHP, he'll likely be responsible for paying a fiver a week.What rubbish.
I repeat again as you don't seem to understand. - It does not matter if the ex works or not, it is irrelevant, the other parent is still responsible for maintenance payments. That applies whatever sex the other parent is.
Understand now?
If his ex chooses to be a SAHP as well, then anyone who moralises about one but not the other is a hypocrite.
Agreed?0 -
What part of 'both parents are responsible' which I have said repeatedly are you struggling to understand. You are trying to turn it into something else to provoke argument.
You are happy to wish someone luck in making a choice of lifestyle to avoid paying maintenance, that's your choice. Personally I think its extremely selfish and don't think either parent should make that choice but you seem to condone it.
At the centre of this 'I'm not working' 'I'm not paying' is a child who does not deserve that from either parent.0 -
Oh stop digging. One minute you say 'both parents are responsible' and then you say it's irrelavent if his ex works.What part of 'both parents are responsible' which I have said repeatedly are you struggling to understand. You are trying to turn it into something else to provoke argument.
Yes. I think he should offer shared care. That's equal responsibility. Not just handing over cash because that what a good bloke is supposed to do.You are happy to wish someone luck in making a choice of lifestyle to avoid paying maintenance, that's your choice. Personally I think its extremely selfish and don't think either parent should make that choice but you seem to condone it.
If they had shared care, there wouldn't be any need for maintenance, would there, as they'd both be paying directly for the child. Why aren't you moralising about that?
I bet you wouldn't be moralising if the OP decided to give up work when her child is born and not financially support her own child, would you?At the centre of this 'I'm not working' 'I'm not paying' is a child who does not deserve that from either parent.
My wife was a SAHP. She provided no financial support for her children at all for a few years. Nobody moralised about that. Not me, not anyone. Yet when a bloke decides to be a SAHP and not provide financial support to his children, all the sexist hypocritical moralisers come out of the woodwork.0 -
To quote Wikipedia : "Citation required".Apparently stepson's mum has looked into this and it's possible.
If the statement is knowingly false in order to obtain money, that's quite serious. CAB might know, or give you some pointers.
My understanding is that "maintenance" is to make up for any difference in the amount of time a child spend between their separated parents ; so 50:50 joint custody would mean no maintenance. Another poster was trying to reduce their maintenance, because they did more "looking after" than the other parent said they were.
Perhaps if the BF is at home, the court would review the custody arrangement, but that is a different issue.
As to the OP having to pay maintenance for a child that is someone else's, I'm not quite sure how that is based on any logic. Is it because :
a) She lives in the same house ?
b) She is the father's new Significant Other ?
Why not demand maintenance off the child's grandparents ? Why not demand it off me, I'm also not having any custody.0 -
Not the same situation at all as the one with your wife. This thread was started by the OP saying that she was afraid she may have to have money taken from her wage as her boyfriend was making a conscious decision to stop paying for his first child.
All this talk about 'shared 50/50 care' is just hypothetical.
And for the last time - although I think you are deliberately misunderstanding.
I will try to make it as non-sexist and as clear as I can-
It is irrelevant whether the ex partner with care (be it male or female), in this or any other relationship, goes out to work. It does not give the other parent the right to stop paying. If the ex partner with care is sitting on their behind or working on 40 hours a week and earning 50 grand a year the other parent (male or female) should still contribute.
Hope that is clear enough.
I'm out!0 -
And his new child.Not the same situation at all as the one with your wife. This thread was started by the OP saying that she was afraid she may have to have money taken from her wage as her boyfriend was making a conscious decision to stop paying for his first child.
I thought you said they're equally responsible? It might not be something the ex wants, but it could be something offered. If she doesn't want it, that's her choice. But he could offer genuine equal responsibility. Not just a bit of cash.All this talk about 'shared 50/50 care' is just hypothetical.
Oh, so it's OK for a SAHP with care to contribute nothing financially towards their child, but not a SAHP NRP? Right...And for the last time - although I think you are deliberately misunderstanding.
I will try to make it as non-sexist and as clear as I can-
It is irrelevant whether the ex partner with care (be it male or female), in this or any other relationship, goes out to work. It does not give the other parent the right to stop paying. If the ex partner with care is sitting on their behind or working on 40 hours a week and earning 50 grand a year the other parent (male or female) should still contribute.
Absolutely!Hope that is clear enough.
Ta ta.I'm out!
And good luck again to the OP!0 -
All of you saying that boyfriend should be the one work still haven't got a clue. Boyfriend earns £200 a month more than me, and he works nightshift. While I'm on a low income job, that's only because I loose pay when it's school holidays. So, in the grand scheme of things I earn okay for what I work. boyfriend would be coming off night shift regardless of him getting another job, or staying where he was so that'd be the £200 ish for his nightshift premium. Meaning, my wage isn't that far off what a person working full time would earn even without the holidays! So yeah, it does make sense for me to work! Again, not that it's anyone's business to why I am returning to work.
It makes me laugh, all you lot saying boyfriend should work, just so he can pay child matentience. He WILL be paying child matitence, it just will be the flat rate. If the Gov set the rules, that's the rules. Take it up with them.
And for the poster who said I'm irresponsible, I and boyfriend don't live our lives to please his ex. She remarried, had more kids and didn't work. But that's okay for you people I guess. So does she not provide for her children??
And yes, boyfriend was going to keep his job, it meant working every other weekend. Stepsons mum said no. She doesn't work, she has no reason to not let us have stepson on a school night overnight but she said no. So he had to take redundancy because she wouldn't allow every other weekend to be changed!
Yes, boyfriend could get a job for when I get it from work at 4.30/5pm but for what he'd earn on those 3 days, considering we have stepson 2 nights for tea and stepsons mum wouldn't change that either, it wouldn't be worth it! I'd probably get more in tax credits.
Boyfriend has always paid his matitence, even when stepsons mum stopped contact for no reason, went to court and was given access.0
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