Looking after partners daughter advice please
Comments
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No, she can't. They both have equal rights as to who their children spend time with. In what world do you believe a mother has a right to choose what happens to the children when they are in the care of their father, as long as they are not a risk of harm?Fireflyaway wrote: »If feel terrible if my ex husband's new girlfriend was looking after my kids. I know it's pretty normal these days but I'd hate it. If you have mutual friends and know each other from years back that's probably worse.
I suppose legally she is the parent and can stop it if she wants to.
Thankfully the days of mothers having more say over the care of children are over.Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear0 -
As the child of divorced parents, there is nothing like the feeling of excitement when you!!!8217;re spending the weekend with your mum, only to discover that she has dumped you on someone else for the weekend.
Yes, NRPs can do that, but as a parents we need to consider how the child feels when haven!!!8217;t seen that parent for a whole week, and discover the parent doesn!!!8217;t want to look after them that weekend. Because that is how children feel about when they!!!8217;re young.0 -
peachyprice wrote: »No, she can't. They both have equal rights as to who their children spend time with. In what world do you believe a mother has a right to choose what happens to the children when they are in the care of their father, as long as they are not a risk of harm?
Thankfully the days of mothers having more say over the care of children are over.
The world where a mother* might prefer a child be in her care rather than someone the child has no relationship with?
According to your logic, you would support the father if he got a nanny in to look after the kids for the weekend while he went for a golfing weekend or flew off to Marbella , since they are in his care and he can do what he wants and that trumps everything else.
Surely the point is that he's* meant to be spending time with them, not merely exercising his* rights to do whatever as long as they arent being harmed.
* the reverse would equally apply of course.0 -
As the child of divorced parents, there is nothing like the feeling of excitement when you're spending the weekend with your mum, only to discover that she has dumped you on someone else for the weekend. /QUOTE]
I can understand that, but this isn't the case here. The OP was just going to spend a few hours with the younger child as it was thought h/she wouldn't want to be hanging around a football pitch whilst the older child trains/plays. That's hardly being dumped for the weekend.
OP - Is there a Child Arrangement Order in place, setting out contact arrangements? If there is, and she's adamant that you shouldn't be spending time with the children, then she'd need to go back to court to get that added to the Order. I doubt very much it would be granted, unless there are serious safeguarding concerns. In which case, she shouldn't be allowing the children to visit anyway.
I really hate it when children are caught up between disgruntled parents and told information that no child should have to deal with (e.g. I've got no money as the other parent doesn't pay me/took all the money when we separated / I'm not allowed to see you because the other parent says so etc).
I can understand that the mother has "issues" with you, but that shouldn't impact on the children. You would hope that what's most important to her is that the children are safe, care for, well looked after, and above all, happy when they are at their dad's home0 -
Sounds to me a typical mother using the children as a weapon!!0
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AnotherJoe wrote: »The world where a mother* might prefer a child be in her care rather than someone the child has no relationship with?
According to your logic, you would support the father if he got a nanny in to look after the kids for the weekend while he went for a golfing weekend or flew off to Marbella , since they are in his care and he can do what he wants and that trumps everything else.
Surely the point is that he's* meant to be spending time with them, not merely exercising his* rights to do whatever as long as they arent being harmed.
* the reverse would equally apply of course.
Would you also say that the PWC shouldn't go off and leave the children with a responsible caregiver during the time s/he has them either?0 -
What a difficult situatiton! Are you children involved too, Im sure the girl will miss the time spent with those too! Maybe the mum is just taking advantage of the one on zone time, while dads with the other one.
Shame you cant send a simple message and just let he know you werent trying to step on her toes.
Ps I hate posting on the forums with an apple product the punctuation stuff is horrid, thats why I attempted to delete the last reply
Hi, my children and are 22 and 20 - eldest lives other side of the world for work and youngest at Uni so they are not involved at all - thankfully0 -
Im sorry for you and the position your in but i see it that if your partner has his children on weekends they should both spend the weekend with him.
Its lovely that you want to do girly things with his daughter and maybe given time the ex will soften her attitude but just for now, i'd keep your mouth shut.
Surely that's not practical.
Not only is it highly unlikely that the mother spends 100% of the time she has them with both girls so I don't see why the father has to stick to 100% either. It's not as if he's leaving them home alone while he goes to the pub!On this occasion it's because the older child has a commitment that doesn't involve the younger one.
As the children get older they'll have more commitments too and it would be unfair to hold them to 100% time spent with father. A typical example is when children get invited to birthday parties. So, they stay for the weekend with father and he leaves one of them at a birthday party for a few hours on the Saturday. Surely the children aren't expected to refuse the invitation?0 -
HurdyGurdy wrote: »As the child of divorced parents, there is nothing like the feeling of excitement when you're spending the weekend with your mum, only to discover that she has dumped you on someone else for the weekend. /QUOTE]
I can understand that, but this isn't the case here. The OP was just going to spend a few hours with the younger child as it was thought h/she wouldn't want to be hanging around a football pitch whilst the older child trains/plays. That's hardly being dumped for the weekend.
OP - Is there a Child Arrangement Order in place, setting out contact arrangements? If there is, and she's adamant that you shouldn't be spending time with the children, then she'd need to go back to court to get that added to the Order. I doubt very much it would be granted, unless there are serious safeguarding concerns. In which case, she shouldn't be allowing the children to visit anyway.
I really hate it when children are caught up between disgruntled parents and told information that no child should have to deal with (e.g. I've got no money as the other parent doesn't pay me/took all the money when we separated / I'm not allowed to see you because the other parent says so etc).
I can understand that the mother has "issues" with you, but that shouldn't impact on the children. You would hope that what's most important to her is that the children are safe, care for, well looked after, and above all, happy when they are at their dad's home
Hi, there is no order in place - he currently has the girls every other weekend from friday to monday. He also has them overnight one night midweek every week, he also has them after school to bed time one other evening a week. I've made sure I am never involved in the mid-week visits - it's very important that they get to spend time with their dad on their own.
I find it all terribly sad at what she is drip feeding them. I've known their dad for years although the relationship is new. The girls have also known me for a couple of years.
The little one was not being dumped with me at all, as you stated I was really just trying to help out by giving her a fun day rather than watching the day revolve around the eldest one
I've told the OH he should talk to the ex this week sometime when the kids are not around. It may be they have to go back to mediation which helped iron out his access in the first place.0 -
Fireflyaway wrote: »If feel terrible if my ex husband's new girlfriend was looking after my kids. I know it's pretty normal these days but I'd hate it. If you have mutual friends and know each other from years back that's probably worse.
I suppose legally she is the parent and can stop it if she wants to.
No, she can't.0
This discussion has been closed.
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