Debt and Mental Health - How have your debts affected you?

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  • I do find my debt causes me a lot of anxiety; but as I go to a counsellor to cope with my anxiety in general and take medication, I find that side of it fairly manageable. I do really struggle though with the self image part of my MH; some days I absolutely hate myself for being in debt, not because it affects me (in my head I deserve feeling awful because it's my fault) but because it affects those around me, especially my husband, in terms of not being able to move or do much thanks to my lack of funds. Sounds dramatic I know but in my head I'm a 'bad person' because of it! :(

    100% with you there. I hate it, but it's getting easier through acceptance. It is what it is, I can't change the fact that I have a large debt, or that I caused it through MY reckless behaviour, but I can change the way it makes me feel today. I'm slowly accepting the facts, and concentrating on positives that can make a change, i.e. paying it off. I have to deal with the wife moaning at me from time to time about being stuck and that she didn't sign up for this. I just take the moans on the chin, as she does have a valid reason to feel that way, but I do reinforce the positive factors associated with budgeting and the DMP, and most importantly that all of my actions over the last 7 months since facing up the issues have had a positive impact on the debt. It is getting paid off, slowly but surely.
    Just for today I will not try to solve all my life problems at once. | DFD: [STRIKE]April 2033[/STRIKE] Aug 2023
    Original Debt: £96K Mar 2016 | Current Debt: £47350
    Aug 2018
  • I'm working on acceptance and trying to have a positive outlook! :) once this year is over and I can start paying off properly I think I'll feel that bit better :D
    debt countdown: starting: £24,000 current: £23,380 :o
    £1,000 savings challenge #212 £0/£1000 :rotfl:
  • Debt definitely does affect your mental health. Hence why I'm up at 3.30 sat in a darkness with just the fire on and have been awake since 2 am. I seem to be constantly playing catch up and feel like something has just snapped in me. From the outside people perceive me as successful. Married kids own business nice house rental houses but the reality is I'm struggling. Business is hard I'm behind on my mortgage and pretty much at wits end. To sum up. Debt = stress.
  • I hope its okay too post this but any men out there who are at there lowest ebb and contemplating doing something stupid due too debts help is there. Its not well know but there is a mental health charity called CALM (Campaign against living miserably) who cater too give help and advice too men only.

    I am a mental health sufferer i have type two bipolar and was diagnosed in march, the charity i have mentioned offer telephone and webchat support. Suicide is one of the biggest killers of men aged 20-45

    please share the link below i hope this helps someone its helped me.

    http://www.thecalmzone.net.gridhosted.co.uk
    debts 16550
    Mortgage 69500
  • I'm not going to write a long essay about my previous financial mess but after having my property repossessed, 3 CCJs, debt recovery company after me, it's now all sorted and I came out of it rather well financially which in turn has caused me to no longer feel as anxious, stressed or depressed. Even before it all came to a head, the constant worry about getting through each month and managing to pay your bills was enough.
    What I will say is don't be afraid to talk to your doctor. They will not judge you.
    The best thing I did though was swallow what little pride I had left by then and talk to Cambridge Money Advisory Centre. They were totally non-judgemental and kept the wolves from my door, bought me time and helped me through it. Don't be ashamed to talk to someone like this who just want to help people like us who are in debt.
    So yes debt certainly did no favours to my mental health.
  • Oh yes, been fighting depression and debt since I first left home to go to uni, with only a few brief spells of solvancy in between (I'm now 46). I've never handled stress or bad times well as long as I can remember. Not sure what triggered it. Eight years ago I came on here, nearly 50K in debt due to using spending to overcome depression and keeping the debt secret from my husband. I came clean, felt a huge wave of relief and he supported me. The house was remorgaged (now paid off) and I was briefly doing ok.

    Seven years down the line, I'm back in the same situation. After being ill and eventually being diagnosed with a chronic illness, depression struck as I was bullied out of my job as a result. My husband at first didn't seem to understand, and kept commenting about leaving a job with a good salary. If I hadn't, I would have most likely had a breakdown and not been able to work in the sector again. While still in the job, I started spending again but was too ashamed to own up to my husband. The work I got to replace it was casual, always being worried if I would have enough work. I usually did (although I always had no work in the summer, over Easter and Christmas), but recently things have changed due to changes beyond my control and I'm really struggling. I had one day of work last week, three days so far this week (but two below my usual pay).

    I have just about managed my payments upto now, but I am really going to have to tell my husband again, and again I'm petrified. Even more so now, as I've let him down yet again and I'm scared he will leave me. I think the world of him and cannot believe I am in this situation again and been so stupid. I don't know where to start (last time I gave him a letter but I feel I should do it face to face this time). My debt stands at £28,700 over 5 cards. How do I start? What can I say? I'm making myself really ill over this and can't stop worrying. Even having suicidal thoughts. Tried to see my doctor but can't get an appointment. Any advice would be very welcome.
  • sourcrates
    sourcrates Posts: 28,724
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    I hope its okay too post this but any men out there who are at there lowest ebb and contemplating doing something stupid due too debts help is there. Its not well know but there is a mental health charity called CALM (Campaign against living miserably) who cater too give help and advice too men only.

    I am a mental health sufferer i have type two bipolar and was diagnosed in march, the charity i have mentioned offer telephone and webchat support. Suicide is one of the biggest killers of men aged 20-45

    please share the link below i hope this helps someone its helped me.

    http://www.thecalmzone.net.gridhosted.co.uk

    Thanks for posting this.

    When all's said and done, it's only money, there is always a solution to be found, no matter how much you owe.

    And there is a lot of help available too, as it can seem overwhelming at times, you always have options !!
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free wannabe, Credit file and ratings, and Bankruptcy and living with it boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.For free non-judgemental debt advice, contact either Stepchange, National Debtline, or CitizensAdviceBureaux.Link to SOA Calculator- https://www.stoozing.com/soa.php The "provit letter" is here-https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2607247/letter-when-you-know-nothing-about-about-the-debt-aka-prove-it-letter
  • alibat wrote: »
    Oh yes, been fighting depression and debt since I first left home to go to uni, with only a few brief spells of solvancy in between (I'm now 46). I've never handled stress or bad times well as long as I can remember. Not sure what triggered it. Eight years ago I came on here, nearly 50K in debt due to using spending to overcome depression and keeping the debt secret from my husband. I came clean, felt a huge wave of relief and he supported me. The house was remorgaged (now paid off) and I was briefly doing ok.

    Seven years down the line, I'm back in the same situation. After being ill and eventually being diagnosed with a chronic illness, depression struck as I was bullied out of my job as a result. My husband at first didn't seem to understand, and kept commenting about leaving a job with a good salary. If I hadn't, I would have most likely had a breakdown and not been able to work in the sector again. While still in the job, I started spending again but was too ashamed to own up to my husband. The work I got to replace it was casual, always being worried if I would have enough work. I usually did (although I always had no work in the summer, over Easter and Christmas), but recently things have changed due to changes beyond my control and I'm really struggling. I had one day of work last week, three days so far this week (but two below my usual pay).

    I have just about managed my payments upto now, but I am really going to have to tell my husband again, and uagain I'm petrified. Even more so now, as I've let him down yet again and I'm scared he will leave me. I think the world of him and cannot believe I am in this situation again and been so stupid. I don't know where to start (last time I gave him a letter but I feel I should do it face to face this time). My debt stands at £28,700 over 5 cards. How do I start? What can I say? I'm making myself really ill over this and can't stop worrying. Even having suicidal thoughts. Tried to see my doctor but can't get an appointment. Any advice would be very welcome.

    Firstly, well done for opening up on here. Speaking aloud / writing it down helps to acknowledge the position.

    Secondly, Doctors! Just get an emergency appointment, mental health is an emergency especially having suicidal thoughts. Demand to get a referral see a psychiatrist, the GPs don't always know the best cause of treatment for depression.

    Lastly, Set aside time to sit down with your husband and tell him everything face to face, that's what I would do.

    Of course all of these actions are suggestions and only you will know what the right direction is for you to take.

    Take it all one day at a time.

    Hero
    Just for today I will not try to solve all my life problems at once. | DFD: [STRIKE]April 2033[/STRIKE] Aug 2023
    Original Debt: £96K Mar 2016 | Current Debt: £47350
    Aug 2018
  • sourcrates wrote: »
    Thanks for posting this.

    When all's said and done, it's only money, there is always a solution to be found, no matter how much you owe.

    And there is a lot of help available too, as it can seem overwhelming at times, you always have options !!

    They are there too help i think blokes have more of a tendancy too bury there head in the sand and bottle things and bottle things until its too late.
    debts 16550
    Mortgage 69500
  • Acceptance:

    This is the most powerful word for me over the last few months, and it's brought me freedom and significantly elevated my mood.

    For years and years, I have denied the fact that I had a problem with gambling, and for years and years I've denied that my finances and life pretty much was out of control.

    I now work the 12-step addiction program, and in doing so I have learnt many things about myself and also gained a lot of tools to aid my daily life through interaction and mainly listening to feelings and experiences from other people who suffer the same illness.

    The BIGGEST tool for me has to me acceptance, by accepting that I am a compulsive gambler, and that I have an illness that can be arrested but not cured, by accepting that my financial position is now very poor, and it's going to take a long time to sort out, with acceptance comes peace and serenity. I no longer have internal battles with myself, I talk about my issues, I open up and share my thoughts and feelings with people. I've stopped living in denial, and once I accepted my position, I was able to constructively do something about it.

    Yes my DMP is currently due to run until 2033, but that's OK, my life is now more manageable, I have the money for the things that I need to get and I don't waste money. Everything is budgeted and YNAB has been absolutely fantastic in helping me turn things around. You can't handbrake turn an Ocean Cruise Ship, but it will turn round eventually, if you steer it in the right direction.

    I'm now 6 months into my Debt Management Plan, I'm still on medication for depression and anxiety, but my life is getting much better. I really hope that once I come of my meds in between Feb and April, things will continue to improve.

    I use the serenity prayer to help me accept things....

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

    This helps me to identify the things that stress me out that in fact I can do nothing about in the short term, so I work on accepting them, and things get easier to deal with, my thoughts go from washing machine, to calm sea.

    One day at a time

    Hero
    Just for today I will not try to solve all my life problems at once. | DFD: [STRIKE]April 2033[/STRIKE] Aug 2023
    Original Debt: £96K Mar 2016 | Current Debt: £47350
    Aug 2018
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