Reasonable Expenses

245

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  • RiaMac_2
    RiaMac_2 Posts: 99 Forumite
    bouicca21 wrote: »
    Given that you have looked after him so much until a few months ago, I'm with Guest, go for residence as main carer.

    Mind you as he gets (a lot) older, you'll be rectifying your mistake with his dad and teaching him about condoms, won't you? Lol.

    I was mortified when we had "that" conversation :rotfl:

    She became pregnant just after turning 16. I went to collect DS from her house and was greeted at the door by him saying he was staying there that night and there was nothing I could do about it! I went to Boots' and bought 2 packs of condoms then drove back to hers. This time both came to the door and I gave a pack to each of them. Obviously I could have saved some money if I knew then what I know now ;) When it comes to "that" chat again, I'll leave it to daddy. After all, his will definitely be the voice of experience :D
    Ria :dance:

    All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
    Charles M. Schulz
    Wins since January 2014 Naked Wines - 6 bottles, Good Reads - Book
  • Jagraf
    Jagraf Posts: 2,462
    I've been Money Tipped!
    Forumite
    RiaMac wrote: »
    I was mortified when we had "that" conversation :rotfl:

    She became pregnant just after turning 16. I went to collect DS from her house and was greeted at the door by him saying he was staying there that night and there was nothing I could do about it! I went to Boots' and bought 2 packs of condoms then drove back to hers. This time both came to the door and I gave a pack to each of them. Obviously I could have saved some money if I knew then what I know now ;) When it comes to "that" chat again, I'll leave it to daddy. After all, his will definitely be the voice of experience :D

    I'm just trying to visualise that situation with my 16 year old DD. I think I would have ensured she came home with me just to prove that oh yes, there is something I can do about it :).
    Never again will the wolf get so close to my door :eek:
  • Jagraf wrote: »
    I'm just trying to visualise that situation with my 16 year old DD. I think I would have ensured she came home with me just to prove that oh yes, there is something I can do about it :).

    I'm just under 5' and he at that time, was at least a foot taller and probably around twice as heavy. Couldn't exactly pick him up by the scruff of his neck unfortunately. I hoped (stupidly) that by me turning up with the condoms it might bring him to his senses. Obviously not! The proverbial hit the fan when he did eventually come home the following day but by then the deed had been done and 39 weeks and 2 days later my gorgeous grandson made an appearance. Wouldn't change him for the world now and at last DS listens to me and realises that I might actually be right sometimes :T

    My daughter is the same age as yours and I know I just need to give her the "mother stare" and she would come home with me, probably not without a fuss though! If there was any fuss then she is so tiny I could just about lift her up and put her in my pocket anyway :)
    Ria :dance:

    All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
    Charles M. Schulz
    Wins since January 2014 Naked Wines - 6 bottles, Good Reads - Book
  • RiaMac wrote: »
    He is now 21, has a decent but not well paid job, he looks after his son at least 2 full days and nights a week and takes him on holiday for at least 2 weeks every year and occasionally to a friends' caravan. This is over and above the usual 2 nights. Up until she went on maternity leave 3 months ago I looked after my grandson every day as well as the usual 2 nights, while she worked full time (I received no money for this but as he is my grandson I didn't expect nor want any payment, although a thank you from her would have been nice.
    At the moment he pays me board of £40 pw and also needs to go out once a week (I give him £30 for this ;) as I believe he is still a little boy who needs to socialise with adults and not just 4 year olds!). We buy all my grandson's clothes, pay his (state) nursery fees along with any trips etc, look after him and take him wherever he needs to go as she does not have a car.
    Your son's ex has been taking you for a ride. She will have been receiving lots in benefits money which is supposed to pay for his upkeep including clothes. If she was working and grandson was at nursery she probably claimed the cost of those fees and then let you pay!
    Mind you....your son is treating you the same way. He pays £40 a week board and you give him £30 back because he needs to go out?!:eek: And who actually looks after your grandson as it sounds like it's you. Your son has a built in bank and baby sitter :(
    Your son needs to grow up and accept his responsibilities and you need to let him. I hope his new girlfriend knows how little he contributes to the household as £10 a week when he earns over £200 (based on NMW and 30hrs)is shocking. From your query about maintenance it would appear he hasn't being pay any of that either. For a guide: My eldest child paid £30 a week board when they only received £55 a week in job seekers allowance and I certainly never offered any back so they could go out and party :beer:
    If your son can't afford a car then he needs to reconsider whether he needs one. My guess is that he's actually having a pretty good time thanks to you footing the bill for his lifestyle choices.
    Put that £30 towards a night out for yourself and stop being a door mat.
  • Caz3121
    Caz3121 Posts: 15,533
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    RiaMac wrote: »
    An hour ago she arrived with my grandson and said we would need to keep him as she can't afford to! WT????

    I fully expect that if your son was to say that she would need to give up the child benefit and tax credits claims so he can claim them for the child, she will be round in a shot to pick him up!
  • Guest101
    Guest101 Posts: 15,764 Forumite
    Caz3121 wrote: »
    I fully expect that if your son was to say that she would need to give up the child benefit and tax credits claims so he can claim them for the child, she will be round in a shot to pick him up!

    I think C100 first, then Make the claim and report her...
  • Caz3121 wrote: »
    I fully expect that if your son was to say that she would need to give up the child benefit and tax credits claims so he can claim them for the child, she will be round in a shot to pick him up!

    You are absolutely right Caz3121. I think that children should only be raised by someone who genuinely loves that child, rather than someone who just wants the money that comes with the child. With this in mind I honestly don't want my son to make any threats. The longer my grandson is away from her the better, as far as I am concerned.
    Ria :dance:

    All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
    Charles M. Schulz
    Wins since January 2014 Naked Wines - 6 bottles, Good Reads - Book
  • Your son's ex has been taking you for a ride. She will have been receiving lots in benefits money which is supposed to pay for his upkeep including clothes. If she was working and grandson was at nursery she probably claimed the cost of those fees and then let you pay!

    She may well have taken me for a ride, but I am a big girl and I can deal with that.
    How on earth would you have the slightest idea of which if any, benefits she has received?
    Had you read my previous posts you would know she was working, I was looking after my grandson and he never attended any private nursery!

    She was told by the Jobcentre to get a job and she did. I did not want him to go to a private nursery so I offered to look after him. I thought it made much more sense that way, as it would save them a lot of money in nursery fees and I would get my gorgeous grandson all to myself. Both parents agreed it made sense as I would also be much more flexible regarding times. Notice the number of times the word "I" is used. Yes, I (there it is again) am very well aware that not many other grandparents would do the same but it was my choice to look after him, and I (!) would do it all again in a heartbeat.
    Mind you....your son is treating you the same way.

    Excuse me?
    He pays £40 a week board and you give him £30 back because he needs to go out?!:eek:

    I provided these figures in order to work out a reasonable amount, not for you or anyone else to stand in judgement.
    And who actually looks after your grandson as it sounds like it's you.

    Why is that your business? If you had read the posts you would already know the answer.
    Your son has a built in bank and baby sitter :(

    Now you are just sounding jealous!
    Your son needs to grow up and accept his responsibilities and you need to let him.

    No, you need to stop being so judgemental.
    I hope his new girlfriend knows how little he contributes to the household as £10 a week when he earns over £200 (based on NMW and 30hrs)is shocking.

    What is shocking is your lack of mathematical skills. He contributes £40 pw to the household. I then choose to give him money to go out if I can afford it. It is not written in stone that he will receive the £30 to go out so he cannot rely on this money, although he generally does get it. My choice! What is even more shocking is your ability to make so many assumptions. Assuming a 30 hour week as you have, assuming NMW at age 21+ as you have, assuming he would have been on that rate for the full year and assuming he is not a first year apprentice as you have, does indeed lead you to assume his wages to be £210 pw (£6.70 x 30hrs). In reality the £6.70 NMW was only introduced in October 2015. NMW rate at October 2014 was £6.50ph for 21+. Using your assumptions his wage would have been £195 pw for the majority of the year 1/10/14 - 30/09/15 (£6.50 x 30)
    However, your assumptions are completely and entirely wrong. I will not explain how, you don’t need to know, just assume I am right!
    From your query about maintenance it would appear he hasn't being pay any of that either.

    He has been pay ing money but we were not sure if the amount would be considered as reasonable, hence the OP being called Reasonable Expenses!
    For a guide: My eldest child paid £30 a week board when they only received £55 a week in job seekers allowance and I certainly never offered any back so they could go out and party :beer:

    That says a whole lot more about you than me. I would never, ever take more than half of my child’s income from them. And who said the money would be spent on partying?
    If your son can't afford a car then he needs to reconsider whether he needs one.

    Please read the posts again and let me know exactly where this comment was made.
    My guess is that he's actually having a pretty good time thanks to you footing the bill for his lifestyle choices.

    I hope he is. He made one mistake by becoming a daddy so young but I will not let that stop him from being a young man who can enjoy the company of other young people.
    Put that £30 towards a night out for yourself

    I will put that money exactly where I choose and I choose to put it in the hands of my son who works extremely hard and earns very little money, for the moment at least.
    and stop being a door mat.

    If that is the same as stop being a loving, supportive mum and gran then, NO
    Ria :dance:

    All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
    Charles M. Schulz
    Wins since January 2014 Naked Wines - 6 bottles, Good Reads - Book
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
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    Guest101 wrote: »
    Go to a solicitor's, make a C100 application. Full custody.

    Any reason why your son wouldn't want to become his child's main carer? It sounds as if the child would have a better upbringing with him and you.
  • Mojisola wrote: »
    Any reason why your son wouldn't want to become his child's main carer? It sounds as if the child would have a better upbringing with him and you.

    Originally I think he was just scared about the day he'd never seen tbh. We have a lawyer coming to the house tomorrow afternoon to explain our next steps. I know I probably shouldn't feel sorry for her but I do. My son and grandson come first though, so bring on tomorrow :think:
    Ria :dance:

    All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
    Charles M. Schulz
    Wins since January 2014 Naked Wines - 6 bottles, Good Reads - Book
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