Throwing out my 19 year old step son!

heuchera · 8 February 2016 at 2:23PM

xsinaftersinx wrote: »

Make life difficult, my Dad did the same for my step brother. He removed the door to his bedroom until it was tidied. Turned off wifi every night when he went to bed so he couldn't go on-line with either a computer or games console, didn't wash his clothes, cook him meals, I think at one point he also removed all of the power cables in his room to all his tech as why should he pay for all of the electricity when my brother wasn't contributing. The attitude soon changed when he realised he had no privacy, no clean clothes and no way to contact his mates unless he charged his phone at their house.

Mojisola wrote: »

But the mother wouldn't let the OP treat her son like this!

He would have to be clever about it - do things that the enabling ex-wife would find difficult to reverse. I can't imagine her putting a door back on, but I may be wrong.

But as they are splitting up anyway it might be better to concentrate on getting rid of her and druggy son and moving on.

duchy · 8 February 2016 at 3:13PM

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

OP

Is the children's father anywhere in the picture?

It seems strange for the step-son to say "you are not my father"
if you have brought him up from the age of 2 and he has known no other father.

If a man had acted like my father since I was a toddler - and wanted me to call him Dad ....and was essentially husband/father figure in the only family I had ........and then he and my mother broke up - I'd be really angry (as many adult/near adult kids are even with their biological parents when they divorce) then "You are not my father" sounds like a pretty "normal" thing to say. No matter how much kids may love both their parents - they like everyone else will often see one to be at fault and blame them. If your step son has never felt you were his Dad because you've always made it clear he isn't (or even if you have and the Father/Son growing into a man "competition" dynamic has been present.....then he's going to see his Mum as the injured party and you as the bad guy -and doesn't have the life experience to understand life isn't like that usually and neither of you are blameless.

I do think the OP is making things far more difficult for everyone including himself by not moving out. It is prolonging the agony and making things more painful and volatile.

Why exactly haven't you moved out yet OP ? Even if you are waiting for the house to be sold -this situation sounds awful for all concerned and you all need some space. As you don't want custody of your daughter surely even a bedsit until the house is sold wouldn't be out of the question.

Quite why you want him to leave when you will be leaving anyway sounds rather odd. What does it matter if he lives with his Mum or not - You're not going to be around. If you don't want your daughter living with him - then offer her a home with you -and let her decide what she wants.

JustAnotherSaver · 30 April 2016 at 10:40PM

I'm not reading through 5 pages of this, BUT i saw one thing in your original post that sounded so familiar...

"how did we raise 3 right & 1 wrong".

Don't blame yourself.

It's only your fault until they start mixing with other people - then they have OTHER influences in their lives.

I am 1 of 3. I have a brother & sister. I am 7 years older than my sister & 9 older than my brother.

I remember my dad being quite strict when i was a kid. Whether he was as strict as i remember i don't know. I think he eased off with the other two ... so there's a variable straight away.

My sister & I are quite similar.

My brother on the other hand ... total off the rails. Problems with the police. Drugs, arson. All of that. There was a time when police visited more than family did.

He was virtually a lost cause.

But then i fixed him up with a job. He started spending more time with adults than his 'friends' & slowly he started to grow up.

Fast forward a number of years & he's a million miles from that waste of space that he was. He's earning & paying his way while still living at my mothers. He doesn't get in trouble, no longer does drugs.

My parents often wondered how they could get 2 right & 1 wrong.

It wasn't their fault. It was outside influences. He came good in the end though.

Takeaway_Addict · 3 May 2016 at 8:17PM

I'm guessing we won't find out what happened....

robin_banks · 7 May 2016 at 7:14AM

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

I'm guessing we won't find out what happened....

I think there's a certain inevitability about the relationship he's in.

Throwing out my 19 year old step son!

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