Suziepoor's 2009 debt-free diary

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  • suziepoor
    suziepoor Posts: 50 Forumite
    Hi all, just stopping by to update my diary.

    Thanks for all your support so far, its really helping :o)

    well today i went back to work and at lunchtime i went out for a walk and didnt spend anything! so really pleased with myself. as i work in a towncentre and normally find the shops very tempting, and used to often buy myself a little something like a new top or cosmetics to cheer myself up - well those days are long gone! which is good as id rather pay my debt off and be sensible. im lucky in that i have a great friend at work who is helping me and supporting me by making cutbacks and going on walks with me at lunchtimes.

    I got my first letter from cccs today about my dmp, so am pleased about this as i was worried that i hadnt heard from them. i have a few queries on the dmp still but have asked the cccs counsellor on here so hopefully get them sorted soon.

    Mentally im feeling ok about things just trying to take each day as it comes. Have been keeping busy at work and am going to start doing some exercise in the evening and spending more time doing my hobbies (all cost-free!) to try and keep me occupied so i dont get upset about things.

    Dinah - thanks for your post, im glad your in a much better place now. it inspires me to read about how well you've done, makes me feel that better things can be achieved for me too :-)
    I've talked to my ex again about me moving out early and him claiming benefits until he's working, he was probably entitled to some all along which would of helped but he couldnt be bothered to pursue it. Although he walked out of jobs so im not sure. Nevermind im sure something will get sorted soon.


    I have been on bingoport, but will also check out dooyoo and the other sites mentioned. Dont really have anthing to sell on amazon to be honest, but will have a scour round just in case!

    Suzie
    xx
  • suziepoor
    suziepoor Posts: 50 Forumite
    Hi all

    just a quick update to my diary...

    been careful with my spending still and recording all in my spending diary, am getting used to it now! did buy a magazine today though, so really need to cut them out to be honest as its more money wasted. Have made my own lunch at work all week which has saved me loads and am doing the weekly food shop at aldi this week so should save me some money hopefully.

    Feeling ok about things, really need to get the dmp paperwork sorted but am awaiting a query on my bank account/loan/overdraft situation first. Will feel much better once dmp is up and running im sure.

    Will post again soon, hopefully when i have something more interesting to say!!

    xx
  • suziepoor
    suziepoor Posts: 50 Forumite
    Hello

    Am doing all my token payments and notification of dmp letters this week - eek! hope it all goes ok.
    Apart from that having a quiet weekend and not spending much.

    Have a good weekend

    Suzie
  • Hello
    Just thought id update my diary before i go to bed.
    Well has been quite a good weekend...
    Saturday - spent all morning filling in the dmp paperwork, and am going to post it all tomorrow. Also started mentally preparing myself for the calls and trying to get into a more confident and secure frame of mind.
    Did the food shopping on sat and managed to only spend £34 (for two people) for a week, so thought that was quite good.
    Went into town on sat afternoon and returned two tops i bought from george at asda ages ago, didnt have a receipt so exchanged for a nicer top, kings of leon cd (new one, which ive wanted for ages) and the rest £8 on a giftcard which i'll use to buy fruit and bits for my lunch at work - felt chuffed with myself as managed to have a little treat without spending, and still have a bit towards lunches (although could have put the whole amount on a giftcard and used all for food shopping oops) nevermind, have a few other bits i can return to there and get a giftcard for next weeks food shopping.

    Sunday (today) i had a nice lie-in, then went to my friends house and we watched a film, ps i love you, it was really good. My friend has recently split with her bf (like me) so we are cheering each other up.

    Got home and had a small row with my ex but all sorted now, and we have agreed to get on the best we can until we can both afford to move out (he has to get a job first). He did give me some money towards food shopping that he borrowed from his dad to try and help out. Im grateful but its nothing really in the scheme of things but nevermind, am working on being more accepting of my situation whilst looking forward to the future.

    Have not self harmed or thought about doing it since last week which im really pleased about, think it was definately a one-off thing. Have been reading my self help books a bit and am starting an exercise plan tomorrow to get fit this year, have lost some weight just through stress, but really want to be more toned and healthy.

    This week i am going to the cinema with my friend from work - we are going on half price day so its not too costly, and i am planning to not spend anything (or very little) so that i am deserving of this treat!

    Plans for the week are

    -complete and post off dmp paperwork on Monday
    -start new exercise routine
    -go on treat - trip to cinema
    -do my college homework (i.e. dont leave it till the night before college)
    -keep on top of tidying the house
    -and most of all - stay positive.

    Thats all folks, nighty-night. Wishing you all a happy week ahead,

    love,
    Suzie
    xx
  • Hi everyone

    Another update..
    im still waiting for the dmp to start, will be making first payment in February. Am still waiting for my welcome pack off them, but so far all going ok. Have had a letter from my bank saying they will accept reduce payments for my overdraft so thats good, just hoping all my other creditors will be ok too but we'll see!
    What im struggling with is the emotional side of dealing with debt, i mean ive had my lightbulb moment and am sorting the debt out etc. but i cant seem to come to terms with it in my head. Im constantly feeling down and depressed about it all so much that it feels overwhelming. Im always thinking if only i could turn the clock back and change things, or im worrying about the futute, thinking how my credit rating is ruined so who is going to want to go out with me as i'll never be able to get a mortgage now, also worry about that and feel down as a place of my own was something i really wanted. Constantly feel ashamed of my debt to the point i feel people have guessed about it and are looking and laughing at my expense. Just feel so down about it and end up thinking is this what i want for the rest of my life, always worrying about money, years and years of paying the debt off and struglling, whilst getting older and seeing my chances for happiness pass me by, is it really worth living for and being around for, it doesnt feel like it at the moment. I range between feeling so upset i'll never stop crying, to being so angry in disappointed in myself that i want to destroy and hurt myself, as after all its my own fault, im the idiot who ran up debts and made mt own life a misery.

    Sorry to go, just wanted to say how im feeling
    Suzie
    x
  • Just wanted someone to read my message and respond with any advice xx
  • angelaf_3
    angelaf_3 Posts: 278
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Forumite
    Hi Suzie. I've not got any advice as you seem to be doing all the right things. I struggle with depression myself and feel so guilty about it because I have absolutely no reason to be, so I know how difficult it is to rewire your thinking and believe what people say about you (good things I mean) but life is definitely worth living. It sounds trite but we all make mistakes and do stuff we regret but it's no good dwelling on that but make every effort to concentrate on all the ways that you can to pay off the debt as early as poss but don't beat yourself up if sometimes you go off course because we are all only human and at the end of the day it's not worth letting it steal your joy. You are only young and you have so much in front of you and I'm sure that includes a home and family if that's what you want.

    Shout if I can help.

    God bless
    Ange
  • Hi ange

    Just wanted to say thanks for your reply. I know your right and i should try and be more positive about things, but its just so hard. im going to try my best though.

    Suzie
    xx
  • angelaf_3
    angelaf_3 Posts: 278
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Forumite
    Yes you are right it is really hard especially with January being so long, dark and cold and all the gloom and doom that's in the media. But we shall both keep trying, yes?

    Glad you sound more positive today.
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