Am I being unreasonable charging partner a token rent?

OneHalfMortgageFree · 19 August 2019 at 2:46PM

Background:
My ex wife and I used to have a joint account for household/shared bills and separate accounts for our "pocket money". I used to contribute 65% to that joint account so we'd both have the same pocket money each month. A little before she decided to divorce me for her boyfriend I didn't know about, she cleaned out her savings accounts and "lost it in the casino". Of course, with no prior warning, my accounts showed a healthy balance on D-day. Hence, my savings became joint property and she got half of them, so 75% of our savings went to her.

After my life was ruined by the one person I trusted most, I hit a deep depression. Too many downsides of that to mention but one upside was that I threw myself into my work. It's amazing how many hours you can squeeze in when you can't face going home... I slowly saved back my lost savings, hit a few bonus targets, had a very nice pay rise and started to feel human again.

I even met a lovely lady...

Situation:
Said lovely lady is great, but both of us have been burned in the past and keep all finances separate. After a while she moved in with me and the murky subject of rent came up. We have no formal rent agreement or anything, we just agreed a single figure which includes all food and all bills. Fast forward a number of years and the mortgage is now cleared (hurrah!). I didn't really think anything of it, until I was asked how much she should pay now?

I didn't expect any change as what she pays bore no resemblance to the mortgage. When the mortgage was high, she paid the same. When it was medium, it didn't change. Now it's gone I just assumed she'd keep paying a token amount as before.

Her point is that she was happy to make a token contribution to the mortgage, but she's not happy paying if I'm not. That makes no sense to me?! What difference does it make whether I'm paying anything monthly or have pre paid it all?

We double checked all the bills and, now there's no mortgage, she's paying £200 a month more than 50/50, so she wants to drop to exactly 50/50. Being slightly prickly, I looked up the rental value of the property on Zoopla and it's £2k a month! So she's only paying 10% rent but wants to pay zero (one might argue!)

I can see why she feels it's unfair, but when I was working out how much I could afford to pay to the mortgage I based that on her full rent and although it's only £200 a month, to square my books up I'd need to reduce my pension contributions by over £4k. She went crazy at that of course, accusing me of treating her as my pension, which I can understand to a point. But equally if I just withdrew equity from the house again then, by her logic, she'd be happy to keep paying! Only now we'd be paying interest to the bank and losing money on the cash in real terms...

And, although I'd never actually charge a partner 50% of market value for rent, I do think 10% is a fair deal all things considered?!

So back to my question: am I out of order for asking she continue to ignore whatever the mortgage is and just keep paying as before?

TL;DR
Ex screwed me over so now I'm more careful (mean) these days and want to keep charging my partner rent despite having no mortgage

need_an_answer · 19 August 2019 at 2:55PM

I believe that you may have originally approached this in the wrong fashion.

You should have left the "mortgage" out of any conversations.

Once you add that word there is the assumption that your partner was contributing to it and in the event of a breakdown in the relationship if she can prove that what she paid to you was in any way given as a mortgage payment there could be a contesting of the property in some form.

Did she ever or is she contributing to anything that actually enhances the property,decoration or new fixtures and fittings...again this could result in a potential future claim.

In taking money from her it should be apportioned to food and utilities only

How long have you and your partner been living there?
She could have a very valid argument that you are only in the situation now of being mortgage free because she has helped you pay it off.

scalextric · 19 August 2019 at 3:14PM

Surely she should own part of the house if she was paying towards the mortgage. If she keeps paying then the % of the house she owns should get larger and larger.

Comms69 · 19 August 2019 at 4:00PM

Google beneficial interest; adjust your expectations

System · 19 August 2019 at 4:07PM

need_an_answer wrote: »

I believe that you may have originally approached this in the wrong fashion.

You should have left the "mortgage" out of any conversations.

Yep totally agree. You should have taken it for "bills". Now, if she leaves you, or you leave her, she'll be entitled to her money back out of the mortgage. This happened to my friend recently, she moved out with new boyfriend and wanted at least her contributions to the mortgage (which was about 10 year's worth) and the increase in value, plus furniture she'd contributed to. My friend was shocked but got advice and was told to settle and not chance it in court.

No, you shouldn't charge her more than what it costs to live there. Why would you even want to do that?

I will add that my friends attitude to money was very selfish (like yours) and conversations like these lead to her leaving in the first place...

Remember, you hold all the cards. Your house, your money. It's very controlling and worrying for someone with nothing. You could kick her out tomorrow. If she's not 100% happy with you, why would she stick around?

Mojisola · 19 August 2019 at 4:23PM

OneHalfMortgageFree wrote: »

Ex screwed me over so now I'm more careful (mean) these days and want to keep charging my partner rent despite having no mortgage

But she's your partner, not a lodger.

You own the home you share - she has no rights to stay there. You could tell her to leave at a moment's notice.

If you die without having a will which leaves her the property, she will be homeless.

She should be putting money away into a savings fund so that she has something to fall back on if the worst happens - not paying more than a 50/50 share of the current bills.

happyandcontented · 19 August 2019 at 4:27PM

In a nutshell and to answer the title of the thread - Yes!

jbkmum · 19 August 2019 at 4:39PM

Yes it is unreasonable in my opinion

OneHalfMortgageFree · 19 August 2019 at 4:40PM

No, you shouldn't charge her more than what it costs to live there. Why would you even want to do that?

But it DOES cost me to live here? It cost me the best part of of £400k!

I don't get why anyone would expect free lodgings?

I will add that my friends attitude to money was very selfish (like yours) /QUOTE]
I'm not entirely selfish with it. I buy her gifts and holidays and give that freely with no expectations of anything similar in return. I just wish to protect certain things, like my home and pension as that's my gunship financial independence.

Remember, you hold all the cards. Your house, your money. It's very controlling and worrying for someone with nothing. You could kick her out tomorrow

Which is one of the reasons we never went full 50/50 on the total costs. She pays less to me than she did when she shared a house with three others, and the difference is saved into her own account.

Seems the consensus is that I should fully remortgage, ask for 50% deposit and split everything 50/50. I suppose I sold give her half the savings interest too in that case?!

kazwookie · 19 August 2019 at 4:45PM

I suggest you charge her £400 per month for food and bills.

DO NOT call it rent.

Marvel1 · 19 August 2019 at 4:47PM

Break up with her and be single.

Am I being unreasonable charging partner a token rent?

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