Sort of debt-free but hope to be a super-scrimper in 2019

Running_man wrote: »

Hi
Sorry carboot don’t think you can really complain about the amount of interest you have been charged
You admit you had a good job.Bought things without worrying about the price
Nobody forced you to buy the things you “acquired”

You had the pleasure of all these things over many years

Now late but you have realised nothing comes free
Good luck in your debt free journey
Your husband is also partly to blame.He also would have received the benefit of what you bought
So some of it should be his debt.
If he hadn’t been so tight and gone half on purchases you wouldn’t be so much in debt
You paid half the bills so why wouldn’t he pay half towards your purchases

I read your post with interest because among all the welcoming and supportive ones it struck the only discordant note. However, I did say at the outset that I welcome advice and as I see it a major benefit of a diary is to learn from constructive criticism. I did feel though that your tone was somewhat censorious. While I would not normally bother to respond it might be useful to address some of your points in case other readers feel the same as you do. Always good to put the record straight and clear things up from the outset:j.


I agree absolutely about no one forced me to buy things, it was my choice and I paid for it in more ways than one:eek:. I do need to point out, without trying to make excuses, that acquiring and surrounding myself with, for the most part, mountains of unnecessary 'stuff' was symptomatic of underlying psychological issues that I really don't want to address in this post or probably ever in my diary. As for having the benefit of enjoying a lot of my purchases you couldn't be further from the truth. Once the bags/boxes were brought home or delivered I often never opened them. The vast amount of still sealed items I've discovered when sorting out the loft or shed beggars belief. I hadn't a clue I had them never mind why.

As far as interest goes I agree that I knew by spending on credit I would have that added. But I do feel that the credit card companies have something to answer for when they have a customer (me) who has reached the credit limit of, say, £15000 on a particular card, had been repaying just the minimum every month for some time, sometimes the added interest without spending anything extra on the card taking the balance over limit (with extra charges for the privilege !) and they then increased the credit limit by another £2000 without being asked to.


You might say, why not refuse it but to some people such as me it would be a lifeline and it would be impossible to politely refuse rather than grabbing it with both hands. It's very interesting that lenders are now addressing the whole issue of debt and people's mental health, thanks in no small measure to the sterling work done by Martin Lewis:A on the subject. Also, in recent months I received 3 unsolicited sums of money from Lloyds who wrote to say that after reviewing how they treated people in financial difficulties they admitted they didn't treat them fairly at the time. I was just one of many to receive unfair charges and interest fees back and I know some other big financial institutions did the same.

Unlike yourself, I really don't feel OH is even partly to blame for my debts. We split resonsibilty for household expenses and joint purchases 50/50 and over all it has worked pretty well. When our previous cooker 'died' I was the one responsible for choosing and buying the new one. It was my own fault I felt I had to go for one with all the bells and whistles when a basic one would do. Not to show off, hardly anyone but OH and I ever saw it or knew of it, but I thought, erroneously, that it would be more useful etc. I'm the only one of the two of us to use it so it was my choice entirely. Sadly, upgrades cost:( . Similarly, as OH is solely responsible for the gardening and outdoor stuff (we have about half an acre) it's his responsibility to buy any tools and machinery that he needs. When he bought the last mower it was totally his choice and financial responsibility whether he bought a ride-on model for several thousands or a basic push petrol mower. Needless to say, being the canny spender that he is, the cheaper version won the day.


You said he received the benefit of what I bought and that's true but by the same token I got the benefit from items he bought if they were of use to both of us like household appliances. For instance, I cooked and he did the gardening using equipment that we chose ourself. Swings and roundabouts, if you see what I mean (probably the only unnecessary things I never bought:rotfl:). The main source of my debt was purchases of years of unnecessary things that he neither used or saw and, as I said before, neither did I most of the time:o. Why should he be expected to pay for things such as masses of the 'latest thing' (invariably eye-wateringly expensive) in cosmetics (enough to last for several lifetimes)? The list of items of all kinds not just cosmetics is endless and I'm too embarrassed to say any more:o


I planned to add just a short response to your post but have gone on a bit instead of what I really wanted to say in my 2nd big post which was my plans for adding to my savings and the reasons I want to have them. Will save that for another time. I'm pleased though that I bothered to explain the situation as it has given me pause for yet more thought and I feel better for trying to rationalise what has always been a difficult issue for me to cope with. I keep my cards very close to my chest in real life, find it immensely difficult if not impossible to confide my problems to others and being able to communicate some of it to people who seem to 'get' me has been an absolute godsend in recent years.