Maintenance/Childcare/Mediation
TheLastOfBudge
Posts: 4 Newbie
Hi everyone - would welcome some advice and guidance on an issue that keeps cropping up.
I divorced my ex-wife in 2016 and we have 3 kids. We agreed to split the assets from the house sale 50/50 and she agreed she wanted the kids weekly and I would have them weekends so she could work. I also agreed to start paying maintenance as per my obligations to the CMS. I also have agreed I’ll increase with any salary increase but if there is none then I’ll infrease by the rate of inflation.
Our situations changed, so I have the kids 2.5 weekends out of 4 and she does the rest. I pay £572 a month in CMS. I also have arranged extra curricular activities, such as swimming (£72 a month), purchase our own clothes for them (our being me and my new fianc!) as well as holidays and savings for their future.
However for sometime my ex wife has been demanding that I pay towards childcare for the three during the week as she works full time. When we split, she was working hours that required no childcare. Her situation is now further complicated by the fact she’s wanting to move in with her new boyfriend, which means she’ll lose her support and has to foot any bill herself, so the pressure has ramped up. I am adamant that I am not obligated to pay and that any decisions she’s made about her choice are not my concern nor should I be penalised for them. A pretty hard line approach I accept however I feel I’m in a position to take that stance, based on what I’m able to do.
She’s also started being difficult about Christmas. Originally we agreed to alternate Xmas but she has decided it’s her time and the kids should only come if they want. I can live with that for now and I do see the value in keeping routine in Xmas but it obviously limits my family and I feel she knows if she asks the kids with her they’ll say her, just as know if I ask them they’ll say mine.
So I wanted some opinion on whether people would suggest mediation as a way to an agreement down on paper and how effective they are? I’m thinking it would be good to have a clear agreement in place that we know the limitations of. Or do people think I’m fundamentally wrong in any way?
I divorced my ex-wife in 2016 and we have 3 kids. We agreed to split the assets from the house sale 50/50 and she agreed she wanted the kids weekly and I would have them weekends so she could work. I also agreed to start paying maintenance as per my obligations to the CMS. I also have agreed I’ll increase with any salary increase but if there is none then I’ll infrease by the rate of inflation.
Our situations changed, so I have the kids 2.5 weekends out of 4 and she does the rest. I pay £572 a month in CMS. I also have arranged extra curricular activities, such as swimming (£72 a month), purchase our own clothes for them (our being me and my new fianc!) as well as holidays and savings for their future.
However for sometime my ex wife has been demanding that I pay towards childcare for the three during the week as she works full time. When we split, she was working hours that required no childcare. Her situation is now further complicated by the fact she’s wanting to move in with her new boyfriend, which means she’ll lose her support and has to foot any bill herself, so the pressure has ramped up. I am adamant that I am not obligated to pay and that any decisions she’s made about her choice are not my concern nor should I be penalised for them. A pretty hard line approach I accept however I feel I’m in a position to take that stance, based on what I’m able to do.
She’s also started being difficult about Christmas. Originally we agreed to alternate Xmas but she has decided it’s her time and the kids should only come if they want. I can live with that for now and I do see the value in keeping routine in Xmas but it obviously limits my family and I feel she knows if she asks the kids with her they’ll say her, just as know if I ask them they’ll say mine.
So I wanted some opinion on whether people would suggest mediation as a way to an agreement down on paper and how effective they are? I’m thinking it would be good to have a clear agreement in place that we know the limitations of. Or do people think I’m fundamentally wrong in any way?
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Comments
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Mediation wouldn't be a bad idea, if it allows you to resolve your differences without animosity.
I know you feel you're being fair but if you changed positions with her, I really don't think you would feel the same.
Another way you split your finances 50/50 and yet your wife has three children that live with her for the majority of the time while you have them two and a half weekends a month. So she is supporting 4 people while you are supporting yourself.
I know you pay maintenance but that isn't going to go very far if she needs to pay child care in order to work.
After all you don't need to pay childcare to go to work.
I don't know why you think child support would stop if she moves in with her partner. You would still be obliged to pay the same amount as you do now0 -
I don't mean my support. That remains. I mean the support she gets from the government towards childcare will stop when she moves in with her boyfriend due to their household income increasing. Currently she gets 70% of a bill paid for her. What's she's insinuating is that she feels I should contribute towards that now her situation has changed.
To be clear; she's always wanted to be the resident parent. I've never fought it on the basis of it being right for the kids at the time; she had a part time job and I had a full time which continued until after we were separated, my grievance is that whilst neither of us cant dictate.how our lives pan out.
I also now am engaged and live with a 14 year old step-son. His father is absent so my partner relied on support herself which has now gone due to our household incomes being higher. I've also has to claw my way back into a situation where I'm not living off £80 a week post split.0 -
Financial support for childcare do you mean? To be fair unless there's any additional special needs your stepson has you can expect childcare costs to stop when they get to 14.TheLastOfBudge wrote: »I also now am engaged and live with a 14 year old step-son. His father is absent so my partner relied on support herself which has now gone due to our household incomes being higher. I've also has to claw my way back into a situation where I'm not living off £80 a week post split.
That is probably a diff scenario to the kids you share with your ex as there's 3 of them. What are their ages?
Going to mediation is a good idea and coming to an agreement about who pays what.0 -
Wouldn't if just be easier if you applied for residency of the children yourself?0
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