Frivolous, ageing parent - financial advice

sandsy · 12 November 2017 at 10:33AM

She’s better off speaking with one of the free guidance services, TPAS or Pensionwise.

DigForVictory · 12 November 2017 at 10:50AM

If my sons were to eye my spending habits thus I'd probably ensure they were handy for the delivery of a nice heavy case of champagne, with various cruise catalogues scattered in plain view.

A bit tight? Yes, indeed, raising children is not cheap & you do have to tell them no sometimes & it's remarkable how years later that can rankle.

She may be wide-awake to the fact that this is the time frame when she has money health & opportunity & is determined to go into an old age with some corking memories. She may also be positioning herself for a shrewdly considered second marriage - and if she sees & recognises this post, I'd suspect a prompt trip to WHSmiths for a will form at minimum (or if she's here anyway, checking out who does cheap wills)?

She's healthy, she's happy, she's enjoying life - why not just reassure her that you love her thus? And try trusting her to know which side up her bread is buttered?

If you do research your own pension situation (always a good idea) you can pass on to her good news that you've done it & found X useful - she may say "yes, they were sweet to me"...

Right now with the attitude in post 1, if you were to say Power of Attorney I'd think she'd be dead right to tell you, if feeling kind, that it's a bit early &, if not, to use language liable to cause a rift in the family for several months.

It could be that these judgemental phrases are a way of saying I love you & I worry, but frankly I'd stick to the plain text. Few mothers struggle to decode those two!

xylophone · 12 November 2017 at 1:21PM

It would seem that the OP's mother (aged around 56?) has sold a family home, bought a property out right and is currently unemployed.

She needs to check her state pension statement.

It may well be that it will be an amount that would exclude her from pension credit or any help with CT so that if her only substantial provision is the state pension, she faces old age in straitened circumstances.

It appears that if she does not find work, (is she on JSA at the moment?), she will be living on her capital of £50,000.

It is unlikely to be earning vast sums in interest and interest rates are largely below inflation.

If she uses up £5000 a year on her living expenses, the capital will be gone by the time she reaches SPA.

It seems to me that she does need to give some thought to her future financial provision.

badmemory · 12 November 2017 at 4:28PM

I would think it very strange that a woman who has been "keeping house" for what 30 years on a limited budget is now throwing money away with no thought to the future. Unless of course the reason she downsized & relocated is because of the debts she had accumulated, although I would have thought you would have mentioned that if it was the case.

I hope you don't ever refer to her as ageing to her face, as if my son did it to me he would be getting a (metaphorical only) thick ear & I am several years older than your mother. We first referred to my mother as ageing when she was 85 & it was indeed when she started ageing.

Fledgling40 · 12 November 2017 at 6:05PM

I struggle to understand all the negativity around the concept of ageing and me pointing it out - frankly, we’re all doing it and I’ve not framed it negatively - if fact my main worry here is practicalities around care/health in older age or if she unexpectedly no longer has the ability to work. ‘badmemory’ I have no idea why pointing out that someone is nearing retirement is condescending either, she’s actually closer than I realised and she’s always been pretty sensible until recently but has had a lot of changes in her life which obviously have influenced her.

I’m not interested in inheritance, have never expected any. I just want my mother to be secure, comfortable and happy. Her only capital is her home but equally it’s probably the thing that makes her most happy and I’d hate to see her lose that.

I realise my post may seem harsh but this is a frustrating situation. She doesn't have a plan, she has no awareness or her state pension and she doesn’t seem to have put much thought into her living costs either - the value changes whenever I ask. I’m met with with a stubborn ignorance around the subject and she’ll often provocatively tell me she’ll just move into mine. All fun and jokes until it’s reality, which I’m pretty sure would drive her more insane than it would me.

I will be checking all the suggested links, thank you for sharing

xylophone · 12 November 2017 at 6:29PM

For my part, I can see why you would be concerned - see post 24 above.

Have you pointed out the state pension statement link to her?

kidmugsy · 12 November 2017 at 7:11PM

The best financial gift she could give you is the sure knowledge that her own financial affairs are in good nick so that yours aren't undermined.

BobQ · 12 November 2017 at 7:56PM

Fledgling40 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. She’s looking, yes but has mentioned part time. Shes always been under the national average salary.

I’ll get her to check her state pension and no, I don’t know what her private one is, but she won’t have had much to pay in as she had a mortgage until very recently.

I’ll be honest, I don’t have a great amount of knowledge myself. .

The question is whether your mother has the knowledge.

You say your mother has always earned under the average salary. Well half the population do. Do you know this for a fact?

You refer to her private pension saying she will not have had much to pay. But do you know that she did not make contributions as part of salary or what her employer contributed? Or if she was in a final salary scheme? How sure can you be of what she did when you were merely a gleam in her eye?

You do not mention your father. Is he still alive? Does she have a private pension based on his? Does she have a share of his pension?

You seem to know some of her business but not all of it. Without a full picture you may have drawn the wrong conclusions.

We have to assume that your concern is genuine, but is it possible that she is well in control her financial affairs and simply thinks its none of your business?

My neighbour is in her 50s and never tells her daughters her financial business because as she says it would simply encourage them to ask for more loans that they never repay. She also knows that when she gets to 60 she will have about £16K/year of occupational pension from two below average pay jobs she had before she was 40.

badmemory · 12 November 2017 at 8:40PM

I suppose my attitude comes from living most of my life on pay that was less than half that of most of my family. The fact that I managed to buy a house & bring up a child on my own, with my only debt being a mortgage seemed to have escaped them. I kept getting comments like pension credit probably stopping soon. After the first couple I stopped trying to reassure them that I was going to be fine because they obviously didn't believe me. And guess what I am absolutely fine & my pension income is more than the last few years I was working. And for the first time in my life, when I knew the money really was going to be there, I actually went out & frittered a bit. Of course I stopped at about £600 because old habits do die hard.

My only concession to age is that I stick to running upstairs & no longer run downstairs, my eyesight isn't what it was.

atush · 13 November 2017 at 12:33AM

As a woman of her age, I would suggest you should be very careful at the way you offer your "help" as your thread title of"frivolous, ageing parent.. financial advice" is extremely patronising.

Sorry but I dont agree that you are patronising OP. You are worried and it seems rightly so.

Frivolous, ageing parent - financial advice

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