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    • Persephone_Mulberry
    • By Persephone_Mulberry 15th May 17, 6:31 PM
    • 105Posts
    • 287Thanks
    Husband is depressed and it is destroying our finances
    • #1
    • 15th May 17, 6:31 PM
    Husband is depressed and it is destroying our finances 15th May 17 at 6:31 PM
    For over a year now (with one month exception) my husband has been off with depression. He is working to deal with it but it's just destroying our finances. No matter how much we cut back it's impossible to compensate for a £600 loss of earnings every month.

    I've been pondering with the idea of selling up and moving somewhere cheaper. We could live on the profits for a fair while and I hope it would give him space to recover and time to find a new job.

    We would however be moving to parts unknown, and would need to do it soon as our child is due to start school in September...

    Does it sound like a reasonable or really stupid idea?
Page 2
    • BettyBoof
    • By BettyBoof 19th May 17, 10:49 AM
    • 245 Posts
    • 1,518 Thanks
    I agree with the other posters re seaside towns being dead in the summer and often lacking in public transport etc. BUT the North East coast (I'm thinking of Whitley Bay as I type this) could be a good option. The Metro train can have you in Newcastle in 25 mins which gives more employment opportunities and Whitley Bay itself doesn't close down out of season, it's always a fairly vibrant community. Great schools, massive investment and house prices way below those in Surrey (though not less than £150k) make it a viable option for those wanting sea air without the usual down sides. (Weather isn't as good as the South of the country though!)

    I am tempted to urge caution about a move as others have done but sometimes, a big change is what's needed to shake things up. You have no family ties or strong feelings about where you live, this could be a great opportunity to build the life you want.

    How does your husband feel about a move?
    • FatVonD
    • By FatVonD 20th May 17, 12:46 AM
    • 5,119 Posts
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    I too love the Isle of Wight, everything seems so clean compared to the mainland and it feels like somebody turned the clock back 20 years, however...

    On visits there I've spoken to people who live there about what it's like. The first was a cab driver who said he loves living there but there are no job prospects for youngsters so your kids always end up moving away, something to consider.

    The second was a couple who had sold their house and used the equity to buy a caravan which they lived in. There was no work for them on the island so he used to commute as a foot passenger to Portsmouth every day for work, I think he had a car on both sides.

    I can understand you wanting to reduce your mortgage, the pressure on you must be huge. I live in Surrey and, not so much downsized as moved to a less desirable part and was able to buy the same size house for £70,000 less (bear in mind though that £20,000 of that went in fees.) Are you really in the cheapest area? There are some places that are cheaper because they aren't on a brilliant rail line, Addlestone, for instance, an hour into London but you can go one stop to Weybridge and change onto a fast train and be there in 30 minutes. (In fact you can buy a park home in Addlestone within walking distance of the station for £150,000!)

    I hope you don't mind me saying this but you sound like you are panicking and not making the most rational decisions on account of, ahem, baby hormones (I speak from experience!)

    I agree with the others that your husband needs to hand in his notice and take a local, no pressure job to help you out.
    Make £25 a day in April £0/£750 (March £584, February £602, January £883.66)

    December £361.54, November £322.28, October £288.52, September £374.30, August £223.95, July £71.45, June £251.22, May£119.33, April £236.24, March £106.74, Feb £40.99, Jan £98.54) Total for 2017 - £2,495.10
    • Persephone_Mulberry
    • By Persephone_Mulberry 20th May 17, 5:57 AM
    • 105 Posts
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    Thank you for all the replies. I think I definitely am panicking - there are a lot of looming deadlines and none of them seem particularly positive and November being the absolute final one (although being able to, you know, get some things in for the baby would help...) !!!55357;!!!56865;

    I'll do more reading about the Isle of Wight And Whiteley Bay. I do keep trying to find negative things to bring me down but everyone I ask online says they love it :0
    • Persephone_Mulberry
    • By Persephone_Mulberry 20th May 17, 5:59 AM
    • 105 Posts
    • 287 Thanks
    Oh and I didn't mean to suggest we live in the cheapest bit of Surrey - definitely not - but if moving happens, I am disinclined to do it within Surrey as I find it boring and want to try somewhere new as exploring and trying new places is fun
    • Persephone_Mulberry
    • By Persephone_Mulberry 20th May 17, 6:01 AM
    • 105 Posts
    • 287 Thanks
    Ah and husband is I think quite up for moving out of Surrey but as suggested by someone else is definitely have responsibility money earning guilt and anxiety.
    • Persephone_Mulberry
    • By Persephone_Mulberry 20th May 17, 6:05 AM
    • 105 Posts
    • 287 Thanks
    I should add (and have just realised I haven't) that whilst our mortgage is £144k, the house is valued at around £300-320k - so buying a house somewhere else at say £240k would free up about £60k of money...which of course ideally would go on clearing the mortgage but if he still can't work it's a couple of tears to live on.
    • tlc678910
    • By tlc678910 20th May 17, 9:54 AM
    • 522 Posts
    • 896 Thanks
    If you are able to free up 150k of equity by selling up you can buy a modest 3 bed property mortgage free in many reasonable areas (if you are willing to move) When you are both established back into work you can get a new mortgage if you would like to move to a bigger/ more expensive property.

    The difficulty is then how to get through this period when your husband is unwell and you need maternity leave. Could you sell and move to rented for the time being? You could eventually rent in the area you prefer to move to making it financially much easier to test out the area and manage until you find a job, when you can use your remaining equity (plus a mortgage if you have permanent full time work) to buy again.

    I don't see the point in you tearing your hair out with stress with your husband poorly and you needing maternity leave when you have at least 150k of equity in your home to help you out.

    • Persephone_Mulberry
    • By Persephone_Mulberry 20th May 17, 5:00 PM
    • 105 Posts
    • 287 Thanks
    Do you have any ideas for how to work out which areas are affordable? I think the IoW plan had the merit of (as well as beaches) being at least somewhat close to grandparents and the only friends we actually ever see.

    But am happy to consider most places! It's just finding out options that is hard to start with.
    • LabRatty
    • By LabRatty 20th May 17, 11:16 PM
    • 73 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    I'd suggest looking at things from a slightly different perspective, or maybe several.

    If you were to go with a previous suggestion and put your house on the market, you would be freed up to rent for a while, while you consumer test one or more areas prior to settling down somewhere you like.
    How to decide where to go? Set yourselves some basic criteria (eg coast, mainland, relative proximity to family, good vibe, not trendy/expensive) then:
    1. Get OH to search for a job in his field that he likes the look of and apply. If successful, follow the work.
    2. Or, he could look for something else he fancies in a different field, ditto.
    3. Consider applying for warden/custodian type jobs with the national trust/landmark trust or similar, which come with tied accommodation.
    4. Consider the sort of climate you prefer, warm & wet or cooler &,drier - then look at the west or east coast accordingly.
    5. Consider Scotland - if you find somewhere you like, you'll have no university tuition fees when the kids are older!
    6. write yourselves some more possibilities now....
    The more I think about it, the more it seems that the world could be your lobster - kids portable, you looking for new opportunities and OH needing a new start.
    Sound possible?
    All the best,
    Save In 2018 #109
    • venison
    • By venison 20th May 17, 11:39 PM
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    • 2,199 Thanks
    We don't particularly enjoy living where we are living nor he his job - I actually have hopes that living near the sea would be good for him.
    Unfortunately not re benefits bar stat sick pay. The mortgage, I've been trying to hold out on restructuring as it's just over 23 years as it is and with both of us at 40, it sounds like it would cause us trouble when older to still have it :-/

    The moving isn't too bad re costs as the difference between where we live and where I am looking (Isle of Wight) is huge.

    He is still employed but I do think it's a problem in itself, he finds it a stressful environment and after so long off gets very anxious about going. He has a very useful job though where you can find employment most places.
    Originally posted by Persephone_Mulberry
    Has he considered applying for PIP (the replacement for DLA), might be worth a word with a CAB advisor?
    Ex Board Guide
    • Persephone_Mulberry
    • By Persephone_Mulberry 21st May 17, 7:46 AM
    • 105 Posts
    • 287 Thanks
    Ooh PIP is so evil and mentally damaging I really want to keep him away from that sort of thing - but thank you for suggesting it!

    Thank you for the optimistic replies! I am really really trying to find a way to make this a positive change and adventure - and a way out of Surrey which we haven't really enjoyed. I will do some reading today!!
    • patman99
    • By patman99 21st May 17, 4:05 PM
    • 8,195 Posts
    • 9,653 Thanks
    It sounds like his job is causing his depression. I know what that feels like as I suffer from it myself.

    The best thing I did was to change jobs. I am no longer even on anti-depresants.

    I would suggest your oh does the same with regards to work.

    If he is good at diy, then he could start advertising his services and become his own boss.
    Never Knowingly Understood.

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    • sarahsays
    • By sarahsays 21st May 17, 9:33 PM
    • 15 Posts
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    Speaking from experience, I would say rent in the area you'd like to live in first. We bought a house in a rural area and found the locals very tight knit with outsiders viewed with suspicion. A right of way issue didn't help and we ended up selling at a huge loss just to get out of there (didn't feel safe). Having said that, with your budget, the world really is your oyster - could your / your husband's job / skills be transferred abroad also? A move would be best when your children are still young, once they start school and make friends they tend to want to stay there.
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