Wife and her mother

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Comments

  • plane_boy2000
    plane_boy2000 Posts: 1,482 Forumite
    My OH gets on OK with her Mum, but they are not close. In fact I think she would like to be a lot closer to her Mum, but they are very different people, in fact its difficult to believe that they are related sometimes.

    My OH would give her last £ to someone in need, whereas her mum would give us a lift somewhere in the car and expect us to contribute to the petrol costs. We are comfortable, but her Mum is far better off than we are.

    I guess they see each other every couple fo months and maybe speak on the phone every 3 or so weeks
  • Gra76
    Gra76 Posts: 804 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    My wife sees her mum maybe 3-4 times a week.

    I knew she was a 'mummys girl' when I first met her but I didn't realise to what extent.

    I managed to allow her to convince me to buy our first home in the same village as her mum lives. It hasn't been too bad to be fair, but I get a bit bored of her from time to time as she has a habit of sticking her nose in where it isn't wanted.

    11 years since buying that home we're now looking at moving up to a bigger home. Will my wife look at a house outside the village? Not a chance in hell unless it's the 'house of her dreams' which on our budget isn't happening.

    Great. Doomed to live 2 streets away from my MIL for the rest of my life.
  • Turtle
    Turtle Posts: 999 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    I'm a woman and I go and see my mum and dad once a week. We see OH mum once a week (we also live a couple of streets away, I'd love for it to be further away but to be fair it is a nice estate). OH would happily go weeks without seeing her because she's always got jobs for him to do - she can be a pain. My parents never 'put upon' us. Also, OH mum rings often because something or other isn't working or needs doing. Mine don't do this but we never ring just for a chat, there's always a reason.
  • jjj1980
    jjj1980 Posts: 577 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    I may have missed it in a previous post so apologies if I have but is the OP's other half seeing her mum while OP is at work? Thereby not limiting her time with the OP?

    If that's the case, then I don't really see the problem. My mum and I are incredibly close. I only live 5 minutes away from her but we speak on the phone daily, visit a couple of times a week and do our supermarket shopping together.

    I don't know.....maybe the situation around me is the "odd one out" but I've not really known any different. My parents/children on my mum's side of the family are all very close. I don't think any situation is wrong as long as it's not causing problems elsewhere in your life.
  • Alpha58
    Alpha58 Posts: 193 Forumite
    pukkamum wrote: »
    I don't think there is anything wierd about our relationship, though my sisters would say otherwise..

    *warning hooter*

    Doesn't this say something to you?

    Incidentally, for the OP - starting a thread with "Dudes..." - IMHO this works if you are 13 and wear a burberry baseball cap. We're all probably a bit old for that! :)
  • geri1965_2
    geri1965_2 Posts: 8,736 Forumite
    I'm not a wife, but I am a grown up woman (47). I visit my parents (divorced but living in the same village) about once every three weeks. Any more often than that and they start to annoy me :o

    My step-sister's OH rings and texts his mother about 20 times a day!
  • arbroath_lass
    arbroath_lass Posts: 1,607 Forumite
    Alpha58 wrote: »
    *warning hooter*

    Doesn't this say something to you?

    All it says is her sister want a different kind of relationship with their mother. What do you think it says??
  • Alpha58
    Alpha58 Posts: 193 Forumite
    arbroath_lass wrote: »
    All it says is her sister want a different kind of relationship with their mother. What do you think it says??

    Honestly? I think that men and women have very different relationships with their parents and I think that there are some MILs who, for whatever reason, cling on too tight to their daughters. I am totally in favour of healthy relationships within extended families and I also accept that there are some women who can feel lonely because of an OH who works away or is perhaps not as attentive as he could be. Maybe in situations like that, a mum can be a useful listening ear or good company.

    What I would question is the wisdom of seeing mum multiple times each week, phoning every day...a girl needs a relationship with her mum but I would suggest that the priority should be the family dynamic with her OH and children. There are instances where MILs can end up being intrusive and actually destructive within a relationship - probably without realising it and possibly with nobody seeing it happen, but it's one to watch out for.

    We all have a tendency to think that our parents are infallible but when we become parents ourselves, we realise how much of it is just going by instinct and doing the best you can. Nobody's perfect, not us and not our parents!

    The answer to the question in quotes is (and this is only an opinion) that the OP knows that the relationship is unhealthy and so do her sisters. Hence the *warning hooter* - but bear in mind that I am expressing an opinion based on what I read - I don't know the personalities involved!
  • katiechoc_2
    katiechoc_2 Posts: 1,173 Forumite
    If its between being sat at home alone while the OP is out at work, and going round to her mums, then at least getting out of the house is the better option - it would possibly be beneficial to see other people as well, however if she is struggling with depression the effort involved in making the effort to arrange to see people (especially if they are unaware of the depression) is monumental. (I've struggled the past year with post natal depression and can relate to that).

    My mum lives 200+ miles away, if she were closer I'd most likely be round most days, just for a cuppa. She was instrumental in getting me out of the house to meet new people when I was really suffering. If we'd been just around the corner I can easily imagine I'd have just gone to hers rather than bothering with other people.

    If you are really concerned about it you could possibly have a chat with her mum about it, you never know, she might have the same concerns as you, and together you could gently encourage her to see some other people. However it could totally backfire and she could withdraw into herself and resent you both for ever suggesting it, thus losing her one source of comfort. Your call, I take no responsibility :o
    Newborn thread member

    Little man born May 2012
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