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  • FIRST POST
    • Slek247
    • By Slek247 11th Feb 19, 12:02 PM
    • 12Posts
    • 1Thanks
    Slek247
    Off work sick & afraid to go back
    • #1
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:02 PM
    Off work sick & afraid to go back 11th Feb 19 at 12:02 PM
    Hey all,

    I hope youíre well!

    As a back story, Iíve been off work sick the past 2 weeks (I genuinely have been ill with a bacterial infection) but Iím due to go back this week and I feel sick at the thought of it.

    To put it in summary, I was bullied all last year by my LM, it was raised with HR - went through all the formal grievance channels & the outcome worked in my LMs favour rather than mine (the outcome was a mediation where we sign a contract agreeing to be civil for 6 months; I refused to sign this as I was put through absolute hell all of last year and I wanted to be allocated a new LM).

    The bullying is still happening, not as severe, but sheís still my LM and I feel like nothing works in my favour anymore in work (my LM is very close with the director). Iíve applied for jobs everyday the past 2 weeks and not heard anything.

    Now itís at the point Iím due to go back and I feel so nervous at the thought of having to face all of that again.

    I guess Iím just looking for advice & some sort of reassurance. The thought of going back is killing me but they know they have me hooked because I need the money for my bills.

    I just feel like I donít want to be here anymore if it means I have to go back there.

    Sorry for the lengthy post, I feel like I want advice from people looking on the outside in and this is the perfect way.

    Thank you!
    Slek
Page 1
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 11th Feb 19, 12:12 PM
    • 7,682 Posts
    • 8,378 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #2
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:12 PM
    • #2
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:12 PM
    Hey all,

    I hope youíre well!

    As a back story, Iíve been off work sick the past 2 weeks (I genuinely have been ill with a bacterial infection) - never understand why people need to clarify this statement; if you aren't genuinely sick, you're risking a dismissal by gross misconduct but Iím due to go back this week and I feel sick at the thought of it.

    To put it in summary, I was bullied all last year by my LM, it was raised with HR - went through all the formal grievance channels & the outcome worked in my LMs favour rather than mine (the outcome was a mediation where we sign a contract agreeing to be civil for 6 months; I refused to sign this as I was put through absolute hell all of last year and I wanted to be allocated a new LM). - So you are already on thin ice

    The bullying is still happening, not as severe, but sheís still my LM and I feel like nothing works in my favour anymore in work (my LM is very close with the director). Iíve applied for jobs everyday the past 2 weeks and not heard anything. - Can you clarify what the bullying entails?

    Now itís at the point Iím due to go back and I feel so nervous at the thought of having to face all of that again.

    I guess Iím just looking for advice & some sort of reassurance. The thought of going back is killing me but they know they have me hooked because I need the money for my bills.

    I just feel like I donít want to be here anymore if it means I have to go back there.

    Sorry for the lengthy post, I feel like I want advice from people looking on the outside in and this is the perfect way.

    Thank you!
    Slek
    Originally posted by Slek247


    It's impossible to really advise without context - job role, salary, possible moves etc.
    • KatrinaWaves
    • By KatrinaWaves 11th Feb 19, 12:13 PM
    • 518 Posts
    • 900 Thanks
    KatrinaWaves
    • #3
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:13 PM
    • #3
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:13 PM
    Hey all,

    I hope youíre well!

    As a back story, Iíve been off work sick the past 2 weeks (I genuinely have been ill with a bacterial infection) but Iím due to go back this week and I feel sick at the thought of it.

    To put it in summary, I was bullied all last year by my LM, it was raised with HR - went through all the formal grievance channels & the outcome worked in my LMs favour rather than mine (the outcome was a mediation where we sign a contract agreeing to be civil for 6 months; I refused to sign this as I was put through absolute hell all of last year and I wanted to be allocated a new LM).

    The bullying is still happening, not as severe, but sheís still my LM and I feel like nothing works in my favour anymore in work (my LM is very close with the director). Iíve applied for jobs everyday the past 2 weeks and not heard anything.

    Now itís at the point Iím due to go back and I feel so nervous at the thought of having to face all of that again.

    I guess Iím just looking for advice & some sort of reassurance. The thought of going back is killing me but they know they have me hooked because I need the money for my bills.

    I just feel like I donít want to be here anymore if it means I have to go back there.


    Sorry for the lengthy post, I feel like I want advice from people looking on the outside in and this is the perfect way.

    Thank you!
    Slek
    Originally posted by Slek247
    You need to resign and look for another job, any other job.

    No work or money is worth feeling that way. Speak to the Samaritans if you are truly feeling this low.
    • Slek247
    • By Slek247 11th Feb 19, 12:26 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Slek247
    • #4
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:26 PM
    • #4
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:26 PM
    Hey Comms69,

    Thanks for your reply.

    Unfortunately because of the way Iíve been previously treated, I feel like I have to document everything and clarify why Iím off which is why I noted that I am actually physically ill and not off just for the sake of it.

    Yes, Iím already on thin ice. Having been through all channels, thereís nothing else for me to do HR wise.

    The bullying entails; undermining by sending snide emails & talking over me, snapping at me when I ask questions, throwing stuff at me (for eg when I asked for a set of keys they were thrown at me rather than passed over, narrowly missing my head), intentionally secluding me from breaks/lunches/nights out. I had evidence of all of this, for eg the cab told me to record incidents as soon as they happened so I did. I also had email evidence of being undermined and excluded from social activities etc but none of this seemed to matter. It was more of a case of my LMs word over mine & I think itís cause sheís been there for a lot longer than I have.

    I hope this helps your response a little better!
    • Dean000000
    • By Dean000000 11th Feb 19, 12:33 PM
    • 600 Posts
    • 602 Thanks
    Dean000000
    • #5
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:33 PM
    • #5
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:33 PM
    do what katrina says and get another job..
    • nicechap
    • By nicechap 11th Feb 19, 12:46 PM
    • 1,652 Posts
    • 3,075 Thanks
    nicechap
    • #6
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:46 PM
    • #6
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:46 PM
    Hey all,

    I hope youíre well!

    As a back story, Iíve been off work sick the past 2 weeks (I genuinely have been ill with a bacterial infection) but Iím due to go back this week and I feel sick at the thought of it.

    To put it in summary, I was bullied all last year by my LM, it was raised with HR - went through all the formal grievance channels & the outcome worked in my LMs favour rather than mine (the outcome was a mediation where we sign a contract agreeing to be civil for 6 months; I refused to sign this as I was put through absolute hell all of last year and I wanted to be allocated a new LM).

    The bullying is still happening, not as severe, but sheís still my LM and I feel like nothing works in my favour anymore in work (my LM is very close with the director). Iíve applied for jobs everyday the past 2 weeks and not heard anything.

    Now itís at the point Iím due to go back and I feel so nervous at the thought of having to face all of that again.

    I guess Iím just looking for advice & some sort of reassurance. The thought of going back is killing me but they know they have me hooked because I need the money for my bills.

    I just feel like I donít want to be here anymore if it means I have to go back there.

    Sorry for the lengthy post, I feel like I want advice from people looking on the outside in and this is the perfect way.

    Thank you!
    Slek
    Originally posted by Slek247
    As others have suggested, your best solution is to find alternative work and sooner rather than later.

    The dynamic at work hasn't changed and is unlikely to your satisfaction.

    Refusing to sign the mediation agreement will have reinforced any perception that you are the problem rather than them and means your LM won't have been bound by it.

    Excluding people from work social nights is not illegal unless its because of a protected characteristic and you haven't mentioned this, so, maybe, your behaviour and attitude is the reason you're not invited.
    Originally Posted by shortcrust
    "Contact the Ministry of Fairness....If sufficient evidence of unfairness is discovered youíll get an apology, a permanent contract with backdated benefits, a ĎLetís Make it Fair!í tshirt and mug, and those guilty of unfairness will be sent on a Fairness Awareness course."
    • Silian
    • By Silian 11th Feb 19, 12:49 PM
    • 165 Posts
    • 311 Thanks
    Silian
    • #7
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:49 PM
    • #7
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:49 PM
    My recommendation: You need a plan.

    It can be really hard to get out of a job you hate as it drains all of your energy leaving you feeling like you have no way out. I was in a similar position and was just too drained to look for work (or to even answer my phone if recruiters called me). It also completely drained my confidence and I wasn't capable of selling myself to other companies.

    Start saving money. Once you have a safety net you can resign without finding a new job. You can then spend a week or two upping your skills and regaining your confidence and then have 'looking for a job' as your full time job. This will put YOU back in control and even if you end up staying longer it is easier if you know you have a way out.

    Maybe head over to the debt free wannabees forum and post your SOA as they can help you trim some money. Spend the rest of today working out where you can trim money and working on a monthly goals.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 11th Feb 19, 12:49 PM
    • 7,682 Posts
    • 8,378 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #8
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:49 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Feb 19, 12:49 PM
    Hey Comms69,

    Thanks for your reply.

    Unfortunately because of the way Iíve been previously treated, I feel like I have to document everything and clarify why Iím off which is why I noted that I am actually physically ill and not off just for the sake of it. - sure and it wasn't aimed particularly at you; just a trend I've seen recently

    Yes, Iím already on thin ice. Having been through all channels, thereís nothing else for me to do HR wise. - remember HR are NOT your friend, nor are they there to help you. You need a union for that

    The bullying entails; undermining by sending snide emails & talking over me - OK, I'm not minimising; that sounds rude, but maybe not bullying. , snapping at me when I ask questions - are these questions you should be asking? , throwing stuff at me (for eg when I asked for a set of keys they were thrown at me rather than passed over, narrowly missing my head) - obviously that's not pleasant , intentionally secluding me from breaks/lunches/nights out. - that is not bullying. People are not obliged to spend time with you outside of work I had evidence of all of this, for eg the cab told me to record incidents as soon as they happened so I did. I also had email evidence of being undermined and excluded from social activities etc but none of this seemed to matter. - sorry but it doesn't, legally, matter. Im sure it wasn't nice on a personal level It was more of a case of my LMs word over mine & I think itís cause sheís been there for a lot longer than I have.

    I hope this helps your response a little better!
    Originally posted by Slek247


    Sure, it really does.


    I must agree with Katrina - legally I cant see anything they've done wrong. (in fact I might suggest adjusting your expectations in terms of out of work activities)


    The employer is legally entitled to believe one party over the other.
    • Slek247
    • By Slek247 11th Feb 19, 1:00 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Slek247
    • #9
    • 11th Feb 19, 1:00 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Feb 19, 1:00 PM
    Hey Comms69,

    I must mention that the exclusion is during working hours (for eg being left on my own at breaks & lunches).

    In terms of being snapped at when asking questions, the questions I ask are related to my job for eg asking for help on running reports & responding to emails.

    I’ve been there 2.5 years and this has been going on from January last year.

    I’m not going to blow my own trumpet but there’s never been an occasion where I’ve been nasty or unreasonable. If there was then I wouldn’t have raised the bullying with HR in the first instance as I would have blamed myself and my attitude for it occurring. But this isn’t the case. I do everything by the book, I have manners, I work hard, I do overtime just to make sure my job gets done, I’m just finding it so difficult to get through this knowing full well I’ve not done 1 thing wrong.

    Thanks for your advice.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 11th Feb 19, 1:05 PM
    • 7,682 Posts
    • 8,378 Thanks
    Comms69
    Hey Comms69,

    I must mention that the exclusion is during working hours (for eg being left on my own at breaks & lunches). - Typically breaks and lunches are considered employee's time.

    In terms of being snapped at when asking questions, the questions I ask are related to my job for eg asking for help on running reports & responding to emails. - Apologies I wasn't clear. Are you asking questions which you should know the answer to? IE have you been shown how to run the reports? Similarly responding to emails would not typically require assistance - for context I have asked for my email to be checked once in the last 6 months; that was being sent to several members of parliament

    Iíve been there 2.5 years and this has been going on from January last year. - atleast you have employment protection

    Iím not going to blow my own trumpet but thereís never been an occasion where Iíve been nasty or unreasonable. - again this must go without saying. You wouldn't have a job if you had I suspect If there was then I wouldnít have raised the bullying with HR in the first instance as I would have blamed myself and my attitude for it occurring. But this isnít the case. I do everything by the book, I have manners, I work hard, I do overtime just to make sure my job gets done - I hope I've misunderstood. Overtime is typically to do additional work, not the job you're already paid to do. , Iím just finding it so difficult to get through this knowing full well Iíve not done 1 thing wrong.

    Thanks for your advice.
    Originally posted by Slek247


    You may not want to hear these comments, but consider that they come from a totally neutral 3rd party that has no vested interest.
    • Slek247
    • By Slek247 11th Feb 19, 1:07 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Slek247
    Hey nicechap,

    As described to Comms69, Iíve not done anything wrong and would be the first to admit if I have. I went to HR because I was advised to by another LM in the department and because the bullying was random - I didnít give any reason to be treated the way I was/am currently treated.

    In terms of the social activities, I should have clarified but these are during working hours. For eg Iím left on my own during breaks & lunches. I can get on with my day no bother on my own but the feeling of exclusion comes from my LM inviting all of the other girls from the department to breaks/lunches except me, Iím the only one who isnít asked but Iíve not done anything wrong for this to happen.

    Thanks for your advice.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 11th Feb 19, 1:10 PM
    • 7,682 Posts
    • 8,378 Thanks
    Comms69
    Hey nicechap,

    As described to Comms69, Iíve not done anything wrong and would be the first to admit if I have. I went to HR because I was advised to by another LM in the department and because the bullying was random - I didnít give any reason to be treated the way I was/am currently treated.

    In terms of the social activities, I should have clarified but these are during working hours. For eg Iím left on my own during breaks & lunches. I can get on with my day no bother on my own but the feeling of exclusion comes from my LM inviting all of the other girls from the department to breaks/lunches except me, Iím the only one who isnít asked but Iíve not done anything wrong for this to happen.

    Thanks for your advice.
    Originally posted by Slek247


    Can I ask you how old you are?


    At the minute I'm guessing early to mid twenties
    • Slek247
    • By Slek247 11th Feb 19, 1:14 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Slek247
    Hey nicechap,

    Iím 23
    • nicechap
    • By nicechap 11th Feb 19, 1:15 PM
    • 1,652 Posts
    • 3,075 Thanks
    nicechap
    Hey nicechap,

    As described to Comms69, Iíve not done anything wrong and would be the first to admit if I have. I went to HR because I was advised to by another LM in the department and because the bullying was random - I didnít give any reason to be treated the way I was/am currently treated.

    In terms of the social activities, I should have clarified but these are during working hours. For eg Iím left on my own during breaks & lunches. I can get on with my day no bother on my own but the feeling of exclusion comes from my LM inviting all of the other girls from the department to breaks/lunches except me, Iím the only one who isnít asked but Iíve not done anything wrong for this to happen.

    Thanks for your advice.
    Originally posted by Slek247
    From their perspective you've done lots wrong. Raised a grievance that wasn't upheld (so possibly vexatious), and refused to sign a mediation agreement (making you seem like a prima donna) and moaning about not being socialised with - there's no obligation for others to socialise with you, at work or outside.

    Everyone so far has advised you to get a new job - no one so far has suggested to stay and fight (which will in all liklihood make you feel worse). Ultimately its your choice.

    I'm out.
    Originally Posted by shortcrust
    "Contact the Ministry of Fairness....If sufficient evidence of unfairness is discovered youíll get an apology, a permanent contract with backdated benefits, a ĎLetís Make it Fair!í tshirt and mug, and those guilty of unfairness will be sent on a Fairness Awareness course."
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 11th Feb 19, 1:18 PM
    • 7,682 Posts
    • 8,378 Thanks
    Comms69
    Hey nicechap,

    Iím 23
    Originally posted by Slek247


    I thought as much. Trust me, in 5 years time you'll be glad to have been excluded.


    These things may seem important now, but I guarantee you the lunches are not worth it. These people aren't worth it.


    You don't want to be friends with them.


    Unfortunately as a young person, you're ingrained with a desire to be liked by everyone. So when rejected you take it as a personal slight.


    Instead thank your stars you can avoid office politics and have 30 minutes peace.
    • MovingForwards
    • By MovingForwards 11th Feb 19, 1:20 PM
    • 765 Posts
    • 919 Thanks
    MovingForwards
    You have reached the point where you need to make a decision - stay or go.

    You are doing the right thing applying for jobs, they are not always the quickest in responding, if at all.

    What is your next move? Can you build up a bit of cash and then temp while looking for a new role? Can you revamp your CV? Go for fixed term contract roles?

    If you want to stay then you will need to try and build bridges.
    • Slek247
    • By Slek247 11th Feb 19, 1:23 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Slek247
    Hey nicechap,

    I appealed the outcome of the grievance (mediation) which the cab advised I had every right to do. And they didnít uphold my appeal, so of course I refused to sign the document. Why should I agree to work with someone on a daily basis who treats me like the way Iíve been treated for the past year? I wasnít a drama queen about it at all, I think anyone in my position would do the same thing. Iím also unsure what relevance my age has to this.

    And I havenít moaned about not being socialised with, Iíve just raised how I felt secluded because of how all other people in the dpt are asked on a daily basis and Iím the only one not asked - I donít think itís unreasonable to raise this at all.

    All in all, thank you for your input.

    I have been looking for other jobs for the past 12 months, Iím just looking for some reassurance and advice on what to do about having to go back and face this all again after being off sick but thank you again.
    • trailingspouse
    • By trailingspouse 11th Feb 19, 1:25 PM
    • 3,491 Posts
    • 6,061 Thanks
    trailingspouse
    I totally sympathise with the feeling of being excluded. I was in a team of three many years ago - age wise we were all different - young, middle (me) and older, but the other two seemed to be joined at the hip. Whenever I walked into the room they would stop talking, my cheery 'Morning!'s were met with total silence, nothing I said found favour (even if I was in fact agreeing with them!!), and they would make 'team' decisions without bothering to tell me let alone discuss them with me. All very difficult, and not something I'd suffered before - and I've not had it since either.



    My only choice seemed to just be to keep my head down, do my job, try very hard to not let it get to me, and move on from there as quickly as I could.
    • Slek247
    • By Slek247 11th Feb 19, 1:26 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Slek247
    Thank you Comms69, I really appreciate you taking your time to respond.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 11th Feb 19, 1:34 PM
    • 7,682 Posts
    • 8,378 Thanks
    Comms69
    Thank you Comms69, I really appreciate you taking your time to respond.
    Originally posted by Slek247


    No problem.


    This is what you need to do:


    1: join a union. HR are there to protect your employer FROM you.
    2: Go in, do the job, leave.
    3: Keep your head down for 2-3 months and then find a new employer. Your reference will atleast be ok - at the minute it would be very easy to give a reference which would, in effect, make you unemployable.
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