Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2..

Chandelier. · 15 March 2018 at 7:30PM

Jvr, that's exactly what I'm going to do when I have the time and energy. I'm going to mention it to my care coordinator when I see her on Monday. I can't think of any reason why he would ask my mum not to tell me but also he shouldn't be discussing my care without my consent or me being present.

I've achieved quite a bit today for the first time in a while. I went to the gym for two hours and really pushed myself, I felt much better for it. I then went to the butchers and after that I nipped into poundland and stocked up on some essentials. I spent the morning sorting out the meat into portions and freezing them, then grabbed a shower and spent the afternoon at my friend's having an overdue catch up and coffee whilst also seeing my godson. I've then picked the boy up from school, collected my prescription and came home. It's pizza night tonight for us.

Tomorrow the plan is to go to the gym straight after dropping the boy off at school and then start writing out the invitations for my mum's birthday party. I've been putting this off for a while. After I've done this I'll start delivering them/handing them out/posting them. I've not much else planned for the rest of the day apart from taking the boy to his ice skating lesson where I'll catch up with another friend.

I've not spoke to manfriend for a couple of days now as I feel I need to concentrate on myself and getting myself better. We had an emotional phone call last Sunday which had me in tears a couple of times, not due to anything bad but realising at the moment its the wrong time for a relationship of any sort for both of us. As much as it hurts, I'm trying to accept this and move on. He wants to remain friends and maybe something could happen in the future but for now I'm not quite sure I can handle that. I'll miss him a lot but I want to focus on finding myself again, improving my physical/mental health and getting some stability and routine back into my life.

Since joining this new gym, I've lost 4.5lb. I need to look more closely at what I'm eating and how much. As mentioned in my post about goals for this year, I'd iideally I'd like to lose at least 5lb a month and improve my fitness. I have a target I'd like to reach that's set in my head.. slow and steady wins the race.

Chandelier. · 15 March 2018 at 7:33PM

I'm going to set myself some mini targets, for every 7lb I lose I'm going to treat myself. Two items on the list are a fitness tracker and some heated rollers!

I'm also looking at booking a holiday with a friend around June time so I potentially have something to look forward to if all plans go ahead and its more motivation. I then have my holiday in September and my sisters wedding in October.

System · 16 March 2018 at 10:01AM

Hey C. I know you shouldnt have to pay for help yourself, but if i were in your shoes and you can make the finances work, i would. You are in compkete control then of who you see and how it progresses which is far more empowering than being at the whim of the crisis team. I definitely think you should complsin. Write it fown and send it in, as you write very well and you can sense check it to make sure its factual. You could use the model called AID to give feedback, which is ACTION, IMPACT, DO. you start by explaining what they did kerping very factual, and then you explain the impact it had so this is where you call out how it made you feel, and then do is what ypu want them to start doing / stop doing/ do differently.

Ignore if not helpful its a model i have found useful in tricky situations. Xx

Chandelier. · 16 March 2018 at 12:32PM

Thanks ramblehan, that model makes sense and is so simple. I will be making a complaint at some point.

I've been to the gym this morning and spent two hours there. I've just got home and had some porridge and later on I plan to meet a friend for coffee if all goes well and we can have a proper catch up. I'll then pick the boy up from school and take him to his ice skating lesson.

I've realised today, it's one whole year since I returned to work in a different environment. In this time I've not had any time off mental health related which is a big achievement. I couldn't have done it without the people I work with and the support they have given me. I've become the nurse I always aspired to be, built upon my skills and now there's chance for further personal development through being put forward for more courses.

I've set myself some targets regarding weightloss, so I have something to work towards. Ideally i would like to lose three to four stone however when I reach that target, I'll reevaluate whether I'd like to lose any more or not. There is no time frame set for this and I'm taking the "just watch what I'm eating" approach, with the hope I'll choose healthier food options and have other things in moderation. I'm going to weigh myself each monday morning and keep note so I'll be able to see how far I've come. I'm determined to do this and I'm going this is what I'll be focusing on for the foreseeable future and hopefully I'll get back into the routine of eating properly.

Another thing I'm going to focus on is building up my savings with the hope of looking to buy my own place next year. I have a target I'd like to reach in order to place down a healthy deposit whilst also leaving room to account for other expenses such as decorating/buying furniture as I currently have nothing! I'm sure when the time comes I'll aquire stuff from others as you do.

So that's two things to work towards and focus on. I want to improve my life in all ways possible and to build a secure future for me and the boy.

Chandelier. · 20 March 2018 at 12:35PM

Morning,

I had a lovely catch up with my friend on Friday and in the end we decided to have lunch whilst we were there. I had a hot beef and onion ciabatta which tasted amazing and my bill only came to £8.40 which included two drinks. It was nice to sit down and talk with each other in a quiet environment and we both got a lot of things off our chest.

I then picked the boy up from school and took him to his ice skating lesson which he did really well in. He's coming on so far, especially with his jumps. Whilst there I had a quick catch up with another person who I've become quite good friends with whilst the kids played and skated around with one another.

On Saturday I slept in quite late.. My uncle tried to wake me up by putting a cold flannel on my head. That didn't go down too well. The plan was to take the boy on a bike ride however as we set off, the wind somehow decided to get stronger and couple that with snow blowing in our faces we soon aborted that mission! We played a couple of games in the house and then went food shopping where I stocked up on some healthy foods.

On Sunday, I worked an early shift which went well. I then came home and took the boy to his auditions for the next upcoming ice skating show at Christmas. He said he did well so fingers crossed, he gets through. We should find out within the next 7 days. He'll be gutted if he doesn't!

Yesterday I woke up fairly early as I had a meeting with my care coordinator which went well. Things are still up in the air with everything at the moment and we'll know whats going on more next week after my consultant appointment. I then went to the gym for an hour before attending a doctors appointment where it was confirmed I do have yet another chest infection, so away I came with more antibiotics and yet another inhaler, fun times.

I've wrote the list out for whom I'm inviting to my mum's surprise 60th and I've made a brief event on the book of face to just give a quick reminder to people before I hand out the invites. They will be done in the next few days.

I'm working today so I really need to get a move on, have some breakfast and pack myself some lunch/tea for work. I'm improving when it comes to eating more but I'm still not there 100%. I'm probably averaging two meals a day rather then three, but I'm getting there. Usually I wouldn't even have one proper meal.

That's pretty much it really.

Chandelier. · 25 March 2018 at 12:12PM

Morning,

It feels like it's been quite a hectic week yet quiet at the same time. I've had minimal spends this week and the last of this months bills have left the account. Only six days to go for the rest of this month!

So where to start?

It feels like I've worked more this week and have seen less of the boy. It's just the way my hours have worked out but I'm pleased to say I've got some annual leave to take this next week, just in time for the boy breaking up from school for the easter holidays. I'll have to put him in a mixture of sports clubs and with relatives for childcare so an extra added expense for the month. However on my days off I'll ensure we are out the house and active. I'm on a mission right now.

I recently wanted to buy a fitness tracker like the one my mum and sister have got but I kept putting it off as the best deal I could find was around £50. However a quick search the other day and I found a brand new one for £25 so I snapped up that offer and it arrived the next day. I've been wearing it with pride ever since and have been monitoring the amount of activity I'm doing. On Friday when I finished work I realised I hadn't got as many steps in as I wanted to so off we went at 9.45pm for a late evening walk with the boy and my mum. We spent around 45 minutes walking and the boy was intensely watching the amounts of steps we took and kept updating us on our progress! He then decides he would like one so I've found a basic one for him and ordered it which should arrive later on next week. He has a watch on his so will also help him keep track of time.

I've recently discovered that my sim only plan with giffgaff has improved. I was originally paying £10pm for 500 mins, unlimited texts and 3gb of data which seemed enough for m usage just about. However its recently changed to unlimited minutes, texts and 3gb of data which suits me even better. I no longer have to worry about running out of minutes and its better value for money.

I was due to have a consultant review this next week of my medications however I've had a letter to say they've rearranged it for June which I am not happy about. There has been so much messing around that I don't know where I'm up to anymore. I shall be contacting my care coordinator tomorrow to discuss this and hopefully find a solution.

The boy did his ice skating show last night. The theme was Toy Story and he played the part of Woody. He truly was amazing and did us all proud. He managed to stay upright and no falls. All the children did extremely well. Also after his auditions last weekend for the upcoming Christmas show, it's been confirmed that he's secured a place which he's over the moon about. A happy boy there

.

I've still been going to the gym and watching what I've been eating. I'm proud to say that I've lost 9lb in total so far since I first started which was at the end of February. I've been slowly building up my cardio and now I'm at a point in which I'll add weight training to my regime in hope it will help me tone up. My work uniform feels slightly baggier and I've had a couple of comments from people who say they've noticed I've lost a bit of weight. I shall continue as I mean to go on and I'm getting better at eating proper meals rather then snacking. I've pretty much cut out most junk apart from the odd treat but that's it really. I think I'm going to attempt to cook a few meals from a website I've found. It has a wonderful selection of recipes based on the slimming world plan and even has recipes if you're on a budget. I'm going to adapt these to fit into what I'm doing where possible and start to cook more.
After I've lost the next 5lb which will then equal a total of 14lb, I'm going to treat myself to some heated rollers I've had my eye on for a while. I think the incentive of rewards is going to help.

I've also been thinking that although we have a busy year planned, I'm somehow going to fit more into it such as days out and breaks away. I'm doing well at saving and I'm on the right track of having enough for a deposit but I can't actually see myself moving out anytime in the near future. I want to enjoy the time that me and the boy have together whilst I'm in a position to do so. It will take a lot of planning and micromanaging but I'll somehow do it. I need to sort out some annual leave for the rest of the year and then I'll be able to plan things better. The boys grandparents are also on about taking him away so I need to make sure my leave does not clash with that. If I'm able to do it before then I'm thinking of booking a caravan holiday away in August possibly.

Aside from that there's not much else to relay. This month has been quiet entertainment wise so the budget there is looking quite healthy and intact still which I'll just move over into other savings when sorting out next months budget.

My whole focus is on myself right now and doing what I can to improve myself. I'm no longer thinkinh about the past and those who are long gone, I don't have the emotional energy for it. I'm sad to leave some people in the past but it's for the best and I can't see a space for them in my future. Maybe one day they'll wake up and realise what they had in front of them but it will probably be too late, I'll be long gone.

I just need to remember, small baby steps.

System · 25 March 2018 at 12:34PM

Hey Chandelier - well done on the weightloss - that's fantastic progress. Agree with what you say about taking small steps - I am so impatient to pay stuff off / save up and the distance between pay days just seems to drag and drag. Keeping motivated is hard going!
Well done to your DS with his show - sounds like he is a real talent xx

Chandelier. · 29 March 2018 at 11:28AM

Morning!

The school holidays are finally here. The boy is off for the next ten days or so, so I'll need to plan childcare for the days I'm working and I'm sure we'll have plenty of quality time together on my days off. I'm not back in work until next Tuesday so I plan to use my time wisely and get a lot of things done.

I've been keeping up with going to the gym and feel much better for it. I've decided to start the couch to 5k running programme to increase my fitness levels and hope to improve my running abilities, the aim of this is so I am able to run around with the boy without feeling breathless. I've also started a weights programme so I'm mixing that up with the cardio exercises. I'm slowly losing weight which is a good thing and I'm still watching what I eat and eating things in moderation. I still get the odd craving for the occasional binge but I'm slowly overcoming these and choosing better options food wise.

I am also keeping track of my exercise with my new fitness tracker and have been aiming to reach the target I have set each day. Alongside this I've made the decision to use the car less and walk more to places close by which will save petrol.

My car is due its MOT and annual service in April and I'm pleased to say I still have the money set aside for these expenses. I just need to book it in which I'll use a local company recommended by my uncle.

The budget for March is still on track and there have been minimal unexpected spends. I received a parking ticket last week which I still need to pay.. that's £35... oops! I was annoyed at the time but I'm not really bothered now, lesson learnt and I won't do it again.

All my income is in for April's budget and sat in a seperate account waiting to be sorted out into the allocated pots. It will be quite a spendy month, especially with my mum's upcoming party. I've still to send the invites out but will get on with that this afternoon. I need to get some stamps from the post office so we can post some of the invites.

My appointment with the consultant that was cancelled has been rearranged to the 17th April which although seems far away at the moment, it will be here before I know it. So at least that's another thing sorted.

At work the other day I found out someone had emailed the manager complimenting and thanking me for helping her throughout her first placement and said that I helped enhance her skills/knowledge and came across as approachable. It was lovely to hear especially as throughout that time I was going through so much in my personal life so at least I got something right.

I've not spoke to manfriend in a week now which is unusual for us but I'm coming to terms with what has happened. I'm no longer looking back on things and I'm ready to move on and live my life. I've ummed and ahhed whether I could keep him as a friend but I just don't think that will work for me and I need to do what's best for me. If things are really meant to be and work out then they'll find a way but I'm no longer focusing on it anymore. I have no bad feelings towards him and he's a wonderful person but things just got too tough/intense quickly and it changed the dynamics of everything. It's sad to no longer be able to call him my manfriend but it's a chapter of my life that I'm closing. It was fun while it lasted.

Anyhow, the activity planned for today is swimming. Then I'll write out the invites and go to the post office and get some posted and deliver some myself to close family and friends.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Chandelier. · 2 April 2018 at 11:16AM

So its Monday yet again and we're two days into April. This year is flying already!

Last months budget ended with a positive surplus which has been transferred straight over to my savings account. I'm surprised really because I accrued quite a few non-essential spends over the past month where I'd just pop to the shops- this needs to stop. My aim for this month is to only spend if required, I will think carefully before buying anything and will try to limit my spends overall and to certain days. I.e. Do all essential spends such as petrol on a Monday. I've sorted out this months budget and moved all the funds into the necessary pots. This month will see my mum celebrate her 60th birthday. I've wrote out the invites and have been handing them out.

I've been keeping up with the gym and healthy eating. After weighing myself this morning I'm proud to say I've lost 11lb so far over the past month which is a great achievement for me. I shall continue monitoring what I eat and going to the gym, I'm feeling much better for it. I've a target goal set in my head which is to lose 60lb in total. As 11lb of them is already gone, I've only 49lb to go. When I hit that target I'll reevaluate and see if I want to lose anymore. I'm really determined to stick at this and will be happy to lose at least 5lb a month, I'm going for the slow and steady approach, any extra is a bonus. I've 3lb to go until I hit my next target in which I've decided to buy myself some heated rollers for my hair. I need to think of some other ideas for my next targets. I refuse to buy any new clothes whilst on this journey unless I have to. I'll be having a big clear out at some point and donating my clothes to charity/work for patients who don't come in with their own clothes. Every little helps. I tried on one of my old dresses on Friday thinking it wouldn't fit, but it did which I was happy about. It's always been one of my favourites so I was happy about that.

It's a quiet Easter for us as the boy has gone to his Dads. We did a quick easter egg hunt yesterday followed by a morning at ice skating where I had a good catch up with my friend. I enjoy spending time with this friend as we're the same age and the kids get on so well so it makes life a lot easier. We also seem to have a lot in common and understand one another. I try to help her out where possible.

Today I'm off to the gym as I haven't been the past few days due to closures and having other things to do. I'm quite excited to get back at it and into a routine again. I'm still pursuing the couch to 5k programme and if I keep it up I may look into entering some fun races and maybe even ones for charity at a later date. The charity of my choice would be the mental healthy charity, Mind.

The boy is off school this week so I need to book him into a sports camp for two days this week if possible, if not I'll have to make alternate arrangements. I'm working the next three days so I'm not sure where I'll fit everything in but I'll try. I need to book an appointment at the doctors to have a check up at some point, I'll try to do that this week, if not it can wait.

I'm going to keep my head down and crack on these next few weeks. I've had a lot of time to think about what I want for my future and I'm determined to work hard for it and to achieve everything I want to. I know I can do it.

Chandelier. · 11 April 2018 at 9:22AM

Morning

It's been a little while since I last updated but I've been trying to keep myself busy with everything.

The school holidays went well. The boy absolutely loved going to the sports camp and it only cost £10 a day, so I'll be booking him in for future school holidays. He received a certificate for being extra friendly towards others on his first day which I was immensely proud of! I know I've got something right when I look at him.

I've been keeping my head down at work and have just been getting on with things. We had a meeting where a few things were thrown up in the air and it gave me food for thought and has made me think of where I want to be. I really need to focus on becoming more assertive. I usually take the laid back approach which although is a good thing, sometimes people can take advantage of my good nature. I've a meeting at the end of the month to discuss whether I'll be made permanent, fingers crossed.

The plans for my mum's 60th are slowly coming together. I just need to order decorations now. It won't be a massive occasion, mostly our nearest and dearest- thats all that matters. The food, room and entertainment is sorted. I just need to follow up on who's coming and get final numbers.

In other news, we've booked a holiday to Cornwall for the end of August for a week. We're going with the boys grandparents and I'm contributing a third of the costs towards it. We then come back for a week before heading out on a Caribbean cruise for two weeks. So it's definately a busy year so far for making memories. I may be also booking something else just for myself in June, this is dependent on many things but watch this space

.

I've a consultant appointment next week so I'll finally have a review from someone who knows me and hopefully we can sort out my treatment plan.

That's pretty much it really!!

I'm still saving money and watching what I spend. My healthy eating went a bit AWOL over the last week but I'm hoping I'm back on track now.

Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2..

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