Need time off - how should I do it?

I'm suffering from exhaustion (lack of sleep due to children not sleeping) and anxiety. It's been going on for 6+ months and I'm at the end of my tether.

I've just been signed off work for a few weeks, have been back a week and am still not coping/being able to function. Work have suggested that I need further time off.

We've discussed this and nominally agreed that if I was to take between now and September off (i.e. from now until end of the school holidays), this might help.

I think my GP would sign me off again, but I only have a few weeks paid sick leave left. I'm wondering about using annual leave, but that also wouldn't cover the whole period, so looking into unpaid parental leave for the rest of it.

Does anyone have any advice on the best way to do this? I genuinely don't feel up to doing my job (and work are concerned that they don't want to push me over the edge, so support the time off (in fact they suggested it)). But the financial side concerns me as I can't afford take a huge amount of unpaid leave.

Thanks
«1

Comments

  • LMG1305
    LMG1305 Posts: 179
    First Post Combo Breaker First Anniversary Xmas Saver!
    Forumite
    edited 19 June 2017 at 2:07PM
    It sounds like your employers are being helpful with this, which is a good start. Why don't you ask to use your annual leave until it is all used up & then once that is used up get a sick note from your doctors so that you will be on sick leave from that date & will get paid sick leave according to your contract (if they do anything above SSP), then eventually when any extra contracted sick pay runs out you should still be entitled to SSP for a while. The only issue I would say with this is that depending how your holiday year runs in work, you might end up having to go quite a while without any time off which might end up becoming a problem again. Our holiday year runs from January to December, so if yours is the same then you would be looking at 4 months with no time off if you do go back after the school holidays in September.
  • sangie595
    sangie595 Posts: 6,092 Forumite
    I appreciate that work may be supportive of more time off work, but did they indicate at all that they were supportive of paying you for it? Because the two things are very different things. And why would your doctor sign you off sick again - the issue is that your children are not sleeping, not that you are sick.

    There is clearly an issue here about too little information. Children not sleeping for 6+ months? Why not? Why would a few more weeks solve a problem that hasn't been solved in six months? How much time off have you already had - you mention a few weeks this time, but what does that mean? And what other sick leave have you had? Aiming you use up all paid entitlements, what happens next time you are exhausted and need time off?

    You really need to think through what you are doing here, because a lot can go wrong, and without understanding why this is happening is really impossible to give a good response.
  • You are in a good position having a supportive employer and if parental leave could be taken genuinely to care for / spend time with children (why aren't they sleeping? Have you visited the doc about that if it's abnormal for their stage of development e.g. babies are up at silly hours but older children generally sleep more) it could be an option..

    Unfortunately company sick pay tends to be a fixed amount and you may or may not be able to use annual leave towards "sick" time depending on company policies (there can also be some unofficial fudging around that!)

    What's the significance of the "end of the school holidays"?
  • Undervalued
    Undervalued Posts: 8,839
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    Forumite
    I'm suffering from exhaustion (lack of sleep due to children not sleeping) and anxiety. It's been going on for 6+ months and I'm at the end of my tether.

    I've just been signed off work for a few weeks, have been back a week and am still not coping/being able to function. Work have suggested that I need further time off.

    We've discussed this and nominally agreed that if I was to take between now and September off (i.e. from now until end of the school holidays), this might help.

    I think my GP would sign me off again, but I only have a few weeks paid sick leave left. I'm wondering about using annual leave, but that also wouldn't cover the whole period, so looking into unpaid parental leave for the rest of it.

    Does anyone have any advice on the best way to do this? I genuinely don't feel up to doing my job (and work are concerned that they don't want to push me over the edge, so support the time off (in fact they suggested it)). But the financial side concerns me as I can't afford take a huge amount of unpaid leave.

    Thanks

    I agree with Sangie.

    Also, in my opinion, you are looking at this the wrong way round. It is great that your employer is being supportive, plenty are not, but you need to be very careful not to push this too far.

    Ultimately if you are not well enough to be at work then your doctor will sign you off sick. That isn't (or shouldn't) be dependant on whether you will get sick pay. Either you are well enough to be at work or you are not. A sick pay "entitlement" isn't there to be used up like holiday. It is more like insurance. You don't crash your car just so that you get value out of your insurance premium!

    Sick kids, let alone ones that simply aren't sleeping very well, are not a reason for you to take sick leave. If they are genuinely ill then you have limited rights to short periods of unpaid leave to care for (very short term) or to make arrangements for them to be looked after.

    Holiday - yes you have a right to all of your annual leave but it is up to your employer when you can and cannot take it.

    If you are signed off sick and your company sick pay has run out many employers will let you use up some or all of your leave so that you still get paid. However, keep in mind that they don't have to. They can insist on you only using leave in the normal way after you return to work. It is entirely at their discretion.

    Be very careful what you wish for here. Your employer's good will may not last as long as you would wish.
  • jobbingmusician
    jobbingmusician Posts: 20,343
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary Intrepid Forum Explorer
    Forumite
    I also wonder about a phased return. If it were me, it wouldn't actually benefit me fully to have no work to go to, as I wouldn't be self-disciplined enough to manage my sleeping properly, knowing that I never had to get up at a set time. If you worked 2-3-4 days a week, you would be able to stagger into work on little sleep, knowing that you had the next day off to recover!

    As a therapist would say - how does this make you feel? I ask this because I wonder how much of your exhaustion is actually the kids, and how much is general or work stress. If you feel VERY panicky at the idea of going back to work at all, it's not (just) the kids who are the problem....
    I was a board guide here for many years, but have now resigned. Amicably, but I think it reflects very poorly on MSE that I have not even received an acknowledgement of my resignation! Poor show, MSE.

    This signature was changed on 6.4.22. This is an experiment to see if anyone from MSE picks up on this comment.
  • Nicki
    Nicki Posts: 8,166 Forumite
    The OP is entitled to use parental leave whether or not she or her child is sick and provided both her children are under 18 she can have up to 8 weeks unpaid leave in a year. https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/overview I think undervalued is confusing parental leave with dependents leave which is indeed intended for short periods of time to arrange care for a sick dependent.

    It's worth having a conversation with your employer OP to see whether they can offer anything on a discretionary basis over and above your contractual paid sick leave. If your children have medical needs which are causing the poor sleep, they may voluntarily give you some extra help. Once you know where you stand, you can make some plans.
  • sweaty_betty
    sweaty_betty Posts: 1,337
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post Xmas Saver!
    Forumite
    Thanks for your replies, I'll try to answer all your questions.

    My GP signed me off work with stress, exhaustion and anxiety. This is partly caused by work and partly because I've had very poor sleep for over 6 months, I can't function well and am not performing well at work. I've not been signed off to look after my children.

    On my return to work we discussed how, although a break had helped, I was still exhausted. We discussed options for addressing this, including dropping a day, changing role slightly, etc and, suggested by my boss, to take an extended period of time off to try to recharge my batteries. I was supposed to be taking 3 weeks off during the summer holidays (to cover a holiday at the beginning and then the last week of the holidays for childcare reasons), which is where the September end date came from. When we discussed this option I said that I didn't think I had enough paid sick days to cover this amount of time and I would struggle to take it unpaid/SSP. My boss suggested it might be possible to combine sick pay (as I am ill with anxiety and exhaustion), holiday and unpaid parental leave.

    This was a dialogue with my manager, not something I instigated (although I'd love to have the time off) so I was interested in any ideas or experiences people had of combining the different types of leave to make it work.

    It's very possible that it can't be done (at least not for the duration proposed), but I wanted to explore it. I realise that there are risks with using up my paid sick time.

    My children aren't sleeping for a range of reasons. But all avenues have been explored to improve this and so far none have worked. I'm hopeful that it won't be forever, but in the meantime we're just doing what we can to encourage sleep, routine etc. There have been episodes of illness, but I've always taken annual leave to cover this where necessary. I don't take sick leave unless I am sick.

    I would rather not be in this position, my partner feels similar to me and is limping towards the end of term (although he only has a short break, no long holidays!). Unfortunately we have no one to help with the children so it's all down to us.

    I don't know if an extended period of leave will help, but it would allow me to catch my breath and be away from a stressful working environment while I'm feeling so fragile. We've discussed me going back on reduced hours afterwards, but I don't think that would help at this point in time tbh.
    I'm suffering from exhaustion (lack of sleep due to children not sleeping) and anxiety. It's been going on for 6+ months and I'm at the end of my tether.

    I've just been signed off work for a few weeks, have been back a week and am still not coping/being able to function. Work have suggested that I need further time off.

    We've discussed this and nominally agreed that if I was to take between now and September off (i.e. from now until end of the school holidays), this might help.

    I think my GP would sign me off again, but I only have a few weeks paid sick leave left. I'm wondering about using annual leave, but that also wouldn't cover the whole period, so looking into unpaid parental leave for the rest of it.

    Does anyone have any advice on the best way to do this? I genuinely don't feel up to doing my job (and work are concerned that they don't want to push me over the edge, so support the time off (in fact they suggested it)). But the financial side concerns me as I can't afford take a huge amount of unpaid leave.

    Thanks
  • Geoff1963
    Geoff1963 Posts: 1,088 Forumite
    Phased return sounds good. Think of it like building up fitness to tun a marathon every day.
  • sangie595
    sangie595 Posts: 6,092 Forumite
    Nicki wrote: »
    The OP is entitled to use parental leave whether or not she or her child is sick and provided both her children are under 18 she can have up to 8 weeks unpaid leave in a year. https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/overview I think undervalued is confusing parental leave with dependents leave which is indeed intended for short periods of time to arrange care for a sick dependent.

    It's worth having a conversation with your employer OP to see whether they can offer anything on a discretionary basis over and above your contractual paid sick leave. If your children have medical needs which are causing the poor sleep, they may voluntarily give you some extra help. Once you know where you stand, you can make some plans.
    No. The OP made it absolutely clear that they did not want unpaid leave as they could not afford it.
  • Nicki
    Nicki Posts: 8,166 Forumite
    sangie595 wrote: »
    No. The OP made it absolutely clear that they did not want unpaid leave as they could not afford it.

    She specifically said in her OP that she was looking into unpaid parental leave for part of the time!
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 342.5K Banking & Borrowing
  • 249.9K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.4K Spending & Discounts
  • 234.6K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 607.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 172.8K Life & Family
  • 247.4K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.8K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards