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  • FIRST POST
    • IvyFlood
    • By IvyFlood 22nd Jul 19, 12:57 PM
    • 165Posts
    • 14Thanks
    IvyFlood
    1 month old baby at wedding?
    • #1
    • 22nd Jul 19, 12:57 PM
    1 month old baby at wedding? 22nd Jul 19 at 12:57 PM
    I am getting married next April (9th) and my best friend and bridesmaid has just told me she is expecting, and the baby is due end of February.

    At first I was fine with it but now I am thinking I really donít want a 1 month old baby at my wedding. For a number of reasons; my friend would have to have the baby with us while we get ready in the morning as she is planning to breastfeed. It could also be a major distraction during the ceremony if it cries and will probably gain a lot of attention. I know it sounds selfish but itís our day and should the attention not be on me as the bride?! Plus is it really good for the baby to be around so many people and in a loud environment or germs?

    She is my oldest friend and I do really want her as my bridesmaid but I just donít know how to get around the baby factor. Especially as we are having a Ďchild freeí wedding with the exception of nieces and nephews who have a role.

    Her partner and Mum are invited so they would be there to help out but Iím really not comfortable with it at the moment. She has already requested that she wants to get changed after the ceremony and I just feel like there will be loads of demands Iíll have to cater to because of the baby. Nor do I expect her to want to Ďgive upí her baby just for my day so itís really difficult.

    I know I donít really have a choice and the baby will probably end up having to be there but hoping there are options.

    Has anyone else been in a similar situation or had a 1 month old baby at their wedding?

    Thanks
Page 1
    • Mrs Huggett
    • By Mrs Huggett 22nd Jul 19, 7:28 PM
    • 360 Posts
    • 477 Thanks
    Mrs Huggett
    • #2
    • 22nd Jul 19, 7:28 PM
    • #2
    • 22nd Jul 19, 7:28 PM
    I can't see what other demands she might make? Getting changed after the ceremony is probably going to be a good idea for her if she is breastfeeding, and if she has only just had the baby a couple or three weeks beforehand she is going to be feeling very fat/sad/hungry/emotional/happy (crying happy) and tired, either cut the girl some slack or bump her off the role and let her know she is still welcome with open arms.
    • Lara
    • By Lara 23rd Jul 19, 8:16 AM
    • 2,825 Posts
    • 1,841 Thanks
    Lara
    • #3
    • 23rd Jul 19, 8:16 AM
    • #3
    • 23rd Jul 19, 8:16 AM
    I think you are forgetting a one month old baby would not detract from your day. In fact they hardly make any noises apart from when hungry or need a nappy change. Ask if possible if her Mum would mind looking after baby during the service in another part of the venue (?) just in case of any crying, which usually they only do when hungry at that age! Best friend can feed him/her whenever needed and perhaps will breast pump a couple of bottles (my DIL with seven week old baby did this) that morning just in case baby wants a feed when she is busy during the service. It does take a while for babies to get into a routine for feeding. They are learning as well as Mummy. A one month old baby is far easier at a wedding than a 6 month old!

    A few years ago at the wedding of one of my son’s a friend of his wife to be had a month old baby, he was taken out before the service started by his Daddy but for the rest of the time you wouldn’t have known he was there. Yes his parents did leave the wedding early as Mummy was still very tired but she had a lovely day out and was so grateful she was able to be there to witness the wedding and enjoy herself as well as seeing lots of other friends and she could also let them see her baby.

    She is your best friend - so be pleased for her and sit down and explain your thoughts re crying etc and work out together a plan. Maybe she wants to get changed after the ceremony in case of excess baby weight, maybe she would rather not be bridesmaid now. Several maybe’s but unless you chat together neither of you will really know what the other one is thinking and worrying about.

    It is your day and even if people coo over the little bundle it still won’t make any difference to you. You will still be the centre of attention and have a wonderful day.
    • aubergine
    • By aubergine 23rd Jul 19, 8:14 PM
    • 50 Posts
    • 47 Thanks
    aubergine
    • #4
    • 23rd Jul 19, 8:14 PM
    • #4
    • 23rd Jul 19, 8:14 PM
    Oh get over yourself, weddings are for families not bridezillas.
    • Kentish Dave
    • By Kentish Dave 23rd Jul 19, 8:49 PM
    • 783 Posts
    • 1,466 Thanks
    Kentish Dave
    • #5
    • 23rd Jul 19, 8:49 PM
    • #5
    • 23rd Jul 19, 8:49 PM
    I do understand not wanting children at your wedding, we flew to Mauritius recently for a wedding without our baby, and I had no complaints, but...

    A tiny baby is no trouble at all. They will likely sleep throughout.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 23rd Jul 19, 9:01 PM
    • 31,499 Posts
    • 80,766 Thanks
    Mojisola
    • #6
    • 23rd Jul 19, 9:01 PM
    • #6
    • 23rd Jul 19, 9:01 PM
    I am getting married next April (9th) and my best friend and bridesmaid has just told me she is expecting, and the baby is due end of February.

    [FONT=Calibri]At first I was fine with it but now I am thinking I really donít want a 1 month old baby at my wedding.
    Originally posted by IvyFlood
    I can understand your feelings - as the pregnancy goes on, your friend is going to be more interested in herself and then the baby rather than your wedding - and quite rightly.

    I would ask her to come to the wedding as a guest and welcome the baby as well and get yourself a new bridesmaid.
    • Maria1305
    • By Maria1305 24th Jul 19, 4:37 AM
    • 2 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    Maria1305
    • #7
    • 24th Jul 19, 4:37 AM
    • #7
    • 24th Jul 19, 4:37 AM
    I am stunned... And she is your best friend?! The baby will be 4-6 weeks old, sleeps and feeds and mort much else. Father and nanny there to help too. But your main concern is YOU potentially not having everyone's attention all day on you? If you find this situation too difficult to accept and work with for your best friend then what sort of friendship do you have I wonder? Wedding day or not, your inability to accept and adapt is not going to bode well for you in married life. ��!♀️
    • Emp94
    • By Emp94 24th Jul 19, 5:25 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    Emp94
    • #8
    • 24th Jul 19, 5:25 AM
    • #8
    • 24th Jul 19, 5:25 AM
    Having had a baby 9 months ago I feel quite strongly about this. I also happen to be getting married in 9 days (2nd August).

    Our little one came along as a surprise and I wouldn’t have called myself a “baby person” before having her. Having now been through it all, it is the most amazing, exhausting and difficult experience. Your friend will likely not have slept for weeks, be figuring out how to be a mum and prepare for a wedding.

    You risk falling out with your friend over one day. I personally would give her the option to not be a bridesmaid as she will have so much going on. I think she is very brave to still want to come with a 1 month old, I know I would’ve struggled!

    As a lot of people have said, the younger the baby the better in a lot of ways. It will mainly just sleep.

    Ultimately, she cannot leave her one month old baby, breastfeeding or not. I would never have left mine. So you’ll either need to let her get on with what she’s got to do and understand that may not go according to your plan or give her the option to not be a bridesmaid. Otherwise you run the risk of her not coming at all.
    • zx81
    • By zx81 24th Jul 19, 5:44 AM
    • 23,563 Posts
    • 26,172 Thanks
    zx81
    • #9
    • 24th Jul 19, 5:44 AM
    • #9
    • 24th Jul 19, 5:44 AM
    [FONT=Calibri]
    I know it sounds selfish but itís our day and should the attention not be on me as the bride?!
    Originally posted by IvyFlood
    Make it clear to all guests that they are only to look at you.

    Anyone caught looking at the baby will be ejected from the ceremony and will not be given a piece of cake wrapped in a paper napkin to take home at the end.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 24th Jul 19, 6:54 AM
    • 23,352 Posts
    • 63,027 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I'm unsure what you are suggesting happens here.
    You state:
    At first I was fine with it but now I am thinking I really donít want a 1 month old baby at my wedding.
    Originally posted by IvyFlood
    Do you expect your best friend to still be your bridesmaid but this one month old child not be at the wedding?

    If you were my best friend and I was your bridesmaid, given how you feel about my child, I'd opt for passing up on my role of bridesmaid and stay at home to be with my child.
    • wertherdog
    • By wertherdog 24th Jul 19, 9:41 AM
    • 8 Posts
    • 127 Thanks
    wertherdog
    Absolute madness! Your friend needs to get a better friend. So what if everyone's eyes aren't on you for the entire day? It's probably going to sleep all day anyway.
    • spadoosh
    • By spadoosh 24th Jul 19, 10:06 AM
    • 7,435 Posts
    • 10,832 Thanks
    spadoosh
    Wifes expected date was our original wedding date, so we rescheduled a year later.

    That year my best man got his wife pregnant and the expected date was our wedding date.

    Baby came early (Cant remember now exactly but about 6 weeks) but i told him everything was on him, no pressure to come, to leave/bring child, do speech or blast out his piano solo as we where walking down the aisle.

    He came with his wife, looking stunning, it was the first time i saw my best mates beautiful boy, he nailed the piano version of higher love and his speech wasnt that bad either! It woudlve been rubbish without them all there. Fortunately they decided the day before they would come. It was never an issue accommodating him, well because hes my best friend.

    That was my experience. We wherent precious about it ebing a special day between the two of us, if we where we wouldve invited the minimum number required. We wanted to celebrate with our friends and family and thank them for making us the people we are.
    Don't be angry!
    • 8ofspades
    • By 8ofspades 24th Jul 19, 10:23 AM
    • 133 Posts
    • 132 Thanks
    8ofspades
    I had a two week old baby at my wedding. Baby didn't cry during the ceremony, newborns are pretty boring after the initial 'awwh how cute' - they sleep and feed and not much else, so attention really isn't an issue. I think you're making way more of this than it needs to be. The only thing you can't avoid is your friend will have to put baby first, not you. I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to discuss and arrange logistics though and get to a place where you feel happier about the situation. The more OTT you are about getting the perfect wedding, the less you'll enjoy the day.
    • Sea Shell
    • By Sea Shell 24th Jul 19, 10:52 AM
    • 2,446 Posts
    • 4,382 Thanks
    Sea Shell
    How are you going to choose the bridesmaids dresses and arrange fittings around a pregnancy??!

    She might not even want to be having to do that role on the day, having to wear a dress that may be completely impractical or uncomfortable.

    If you're good friends, then have a frank conversation about all this and maybe the best outcome for everyone will be for her NOT to be a bridesmaid.

    Are there other guests who would be upset if this baby came, but theirs weren't invited??
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow " JOB DONE!!
    This should now read "It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts"!!!
    • Mrsn
    • By Mrsn 24th Jul 19, 11:58 AM
    • 196 Posts
    • 177 Thanks
    Mrsn
    Having got married recently, my husbands cousin brought along their 8 week old. I really didn’t notice him there to be honest, only time he really stirred was when he was hungry (also being breastfed) and he was content for the rest of it including when the DJ started in the evening.

    I’ll be honest I was asked to be a bridesmaid when I’d just found out I was pregnant with my eldest, if I knew my friend was feeling this way from how you’ve described there will be lots of demands etc I would have been incredibly upset and wouldn’t have wanted to be a part of the day.... you are both going through new transitions and it’s a shame you aren’t supportive to hers as I’m sure she will have been to yours....
    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 24th Jul 19, 12:27 PM
    • 9,985 Posts
    • 34,488 Thanks
    DigForVictory
    +1 for a month old baby having high odds of being out cold through most if not all of it.

    +1 for give your friend a chance, and if you must, a choice - she & child are of course welcome but she may prefer not to have you to worry about as well as her forthcoming blessing.

    It might bag the attention? For pity's sake, you are bigger, louder & wearing a more expensive frock. The invites have your name on them, along with the presents. Plus, since you are paying the photographer, you can make it clear that you do not want any photos of 'mother & child' in your wedding album.

    If you really are sweating about 'the competition', talk to the lass. Just try to hang onto the friendship.
    • Faith177
    • By Faith177 25th Jul 19, 12:29 AM
    • 2,722 Posts
    • 4,444 Thanks
    Faith177
    Iím maid of honour next week to my best friend for her wedding in Southern Ireland. Our little girl was born on the 25th June so sheíll be 5 weeks old and itís changed nothing if anything I have tried to be the easiest person for her to deal with whatever she wants she gets lol

    We had a bit of trouble with the dress as didnít know what size Iíd be after she was here so we went a few sizes up and Iím having it altered slightly. I offered to pay for this but my friend wonít hear of it

    My husband is on baby duty for the day and he will take her out if she gets fussy. Tbh she sleeps pretty much alllll day anyway and only wakes for a feed every few hours. Iím combi feeding so makes it a little easier but I know roughly when sheíll be waiting for a feed so maybe dad can be near by with the baby so she can get ready.

    I asked my friend if she was ok having our little girl there and she got mad at me for even suggesting I have her miss out. Sheís already told me that her family are not getting a look in as she wants cuddles with her for most of the day and has asked the photographer to get photos of the two of them.

    My friend doesnít know it yet but Iím going to ask her while weíre there to be my daughters god mother Iíve been friends with her for over 15 years and we have been there for each other for the good and bad she was chief bridesmaid at my wedding 6 years ago. To us not having my little girl there would be weird for the pair of us
    First Date 08/11/2008, Moved In Together 01/06/2009, Engaged 01/01/10, Wedding Day 27/04/2013, Baby Moshie due 29/06/2019
    • Lara
    • By Lara 25th Jul 19, 6:23 AM
    • 2,825 Posts
    • 1,841 Thanks
    Lara
    I think you have all your answers in these replies. You are really worrying about nothing. Keep your friendship with your best friend but please TALK TO HER and not behind her back. Maybe you have got more than you bargained for in these replies but people are trying to make you see you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. You’re thinking too much.

    Carry on planning your wedding and be happy with your best friend there, whether in a leading role or simply as your guest- together with her first baby. Weddings are happy memories of families and friends.......plus their one month old babies! ��.

    Good Luck. I hope you sort it out sooner rather than later otherwise that mountain will get bigger and bigger each day with you imagining all sorts totally unfounded.

    Have a wonderful wedding in 9 months time!
    • IvyFlood
    • By IvyFlood 31st Jul 19, 1:47 PM
    • 165 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    IvyFlood
    Hi all

    Sorry for the delay in replying Ė I didnít get any email notifications so assumed no one had replied!

    I appreciate I may have come across as a bit insensitive which wasnít my intention at all so I do apologise for that. I think itís pretty obvious that I donít have children myself nor have I much experience with them apart from my niece and nephew. When my sister had her second child, he was a nightmare and didnít sleep at all! So I am only going off this but I do know every baby is different.

    I should have mentioned that my friend does also have a first child who will be 2 when I get married. I am now thinking of inviting her even though I wanted a child free wedding but it makes sense if the baby is there too. My other bridesmaids children arenít invited though so hopefully she will understand!

    I have talked to her and given her the option but she is adamant that she still wants to be my bridesmaid but she says this now when she is feeling ok and isnít running around after 2 children. Iím sure the parents that have commented here will know itís a huge transition going from one to two children? I know it was extremely difficult for my sister and that was without having to be a bridesmaid. Of course I would be devastated but if it was the best decision for her then id accept it. I wouldnít want her to be stressed tired and exhausted and worried about being my bridesmaid. But what I find difficult is Iíd rather not be let down at the last minute and if I was going to be then Iíd rather know now that she wasnít going to be my bridesmaid Ė if that makes sense! Iíd never ask her to step down though.

    Regarding the dresses, Iíll just leave it till the very last minute and get her dress when sheís at her biggest. At least that way it can be taken in so it fits comfortably for breastfeeding.

    I will admit I probably am overthinking and it probably happens more than you think! Iím sure it will all be fine but I definitely feel a lot more reassured after reading some of your comments which was the intention of the post, so thank you.
    • pelirocco
    • By pelirocco 31st Jul 19, 4:50 PM
    • 7,728 Posts
    • 8,675 Thanks
    pelirocco
    We had a fairly young baby at our wedding , child of my DH ex boss and a friend of his family . Did the baby cry? , have no idea and wouldn't have cared anyway , we had a cheap wedding , Church school hall , and around 118 guests , family , step family and friends ( lots of kids ) . it probably took in total 4 hours to plan , and we all had a very good time
    Weddings these days seem to take years to plan , costs thousands and the downside of this people will get very upset if it doesn't all go to plan ....and there is always going to be something that goes wrong ...if you think the big day isnt going to be perfect , then god help you because the next 20 odd years is going to be very very challenging ( my theory you get to 20 years and couldnt really be arsed to start with someone new )
    Vuja De - the feeling you'll be here later
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