My sons father has no contact but also doesn't support financially

Hills321 · 27 February 2019 at 10:18AM

Hi, I'm just looking for a bit of advice really, so thanks in advance to any replies.

The father to my son abruptly stopped seeing him when he was 2 years old, it's been 3 years now and he's made no effort towards my son including his birthdays, not even a 10p birthday card has been posted. I havent changed my mobile number or moved address, so it's not like there couldn't of been any crossed wires.

He stopped sending financial support (this was bare minimum that we agreed on anyway as I didn't want to make his like unaffordable too). I've havent taken this to CMS as he isn't on the birth certificate and I'm now thinking if I did that, would he then have to go on the birth certificate? Would that mean then he has a right to see his son when he was the one who stopped doing that off his own back anyway? I was always civil and amicable with him, but obviously my priorities lie with my son and I feel like he is better off with one parent that loves him than with another parent who clearly doesn't care about his emotional needs.

I don't particularly need the maintence from him, but I'm having a lot of conflicting advice from other people who think that whether I need it or not he should support that child.

I've kept this quite vague and obviously there's a lot more info about why he's not on the birth certificate and what happened after he stopped seeing his son etc. But any advice on whether I should take it further or just leave it untouched would be great, thank you.

Mojisola · 27 February 2019 at 10:40AM

Hills321 wrote: »

I've havent taken this to CMS as he isn't on the birth certificate and I'm now thinking if I did that, would he then have to go on the birth certificate? Would that mean then he has a right to see his son

He has the right to see his son now even though he's not paying anything.

If he wanted to, he could get his name added to the BC now even though he doesn't pay anything.

Although his father should be supporting his son financially, as you don't need the money and life is running smoothly now, do you really want to disrupt things by doing what other people think?

pmduk · 27 February 2019 at 10:58AM

Hills321 wrote: »

I don't particularly need the maintence from him, but I'm having a lot of conflicting advice from other people who think that whether I need it or not he should support that child.

I'm another of these people. If paying maintenance triggers Dad in remaking contact then deal with it then. In the meantime, your child needs the resources that he should be providing.

Comms69 · 27 February 2019 at 11:05AM

Hills321 wrote: »

Hi, I'm just looking for a bit of advice really, so thanks in advance to any replies.

The father to my son abruptly stopped seeing him when he was 2 years old, it's been 3 years now and he's made no effort towards my son including his birthdays, not even a 10p birthday card has been posted. I havent changed my mobile number or moved address, so it's not like there couldn't of been any crossed wires.

He stopped sending financial support (this was bare minimum that we agreed on anyway as I didn't want to make his like unaffordable too) - You cant really demand more than the minimum anyway . I've havent taken this to CMS as he isn't on the birth certificate and I'm now thinking if I did that, would he then have to go on the birth certificate? - NO, but he could in the future get PR through the courts anyway Would that mean then he has a right to see his son when he was the one who stopped doing that off his own back anyway? - He has that right anyway, just needs enforcing via the courts I was always civil and amicable with him, but obviously my priorities lie with my son and I feel like he is better off with one parent that loves him than with another parent who clearly doesn't care about his emotional needs.

I don't particularly need the maintence from him, but I'm having a lot of conflicting advice from other people who think that whether I need it or not he should support that child.

I've kept this quite vague and obviously there's a lot more info about why he's not on the birth certificate and what happened after he stopped seeing his son etc. But any advice on whether I should take it further or just leave it untouched would be great, thank you.

I agree that "you make em, you pay for em"

DUTR · 27 February 2019 at 11:09AM

Hills321 wrote: »

Hi, I'm just looking for a bit of advice really, so thanks in advance to any replies.

The father to my son abruptly stopped seeing him when he was 2 years old, it's been 3 years now and he's made no effort towards my son including his birthdays, not even a 10p birthday card has been posted. I havent changed my mobile number or moved address, so it's not like there couldn't of been any crossed wires.

He stopped sending financial support (this was bare minimum that we agreed on anyway as I didn't want to make his like unaffordable too). I've havent taken this to CMS as he isn't on the birth certificate and I'm now thinking if I did that, would he then have to go on the birth certificate? Would that mean then he has a right to see his son when he was the one who stopped doing that off his own back anyway? I was always civil and amicable with him, but obviously my priorities lie with my son and I feel like he is better off with one parent that loves him than with another parent who clearly doesn't care about his emotional needs.

I don't particularly need the maintence from him, but I'm having a lot of conflicting advice from other people who think that whether I need it or not he should support that child.

I've kept this quite vague and obviously there's a lot more info about why he's not on the birth certificate and what happened after he stopped seeing his son etc. But any advice on whether I should take it further or just leave it untouched would be great, thank you.

Your story touches me as I could have been that estranged person.
You can rest assured you can open a CMS case, my offspring's mother opened a csa case when I stopped visiting. You don't have to feel guilty about it.

Hills321 · 27 February 2019 at 11:32AM

Thank you for your replies. By me saying 'bare minimum' i mean less than he was supposed to pay, we agreed on a small amount of money so I do now feel like he's taken advantage of both me and our son. Yes I do feel like he should be supporting his child financially regardless of contact, but honestly I'm afraid of what kind of influence he will have over him if he did come back into his life. Considering he can just walk away and not even ask about his well-being once in 3 years, I know that's not the way I want my son being treated so if he did start to have contact again in the future, how do I know it will be right for my son.. if that makes sense? moral of the story I just want what's right for him and I'm not so sure if it's worth me even risking it.

TBagpuss · 27 February 2019 at 12:11PM

Maintenance and contact are two separate and unrelated issues.

He doesn't have to be on the birth certificate for you to apply for maintenace.

If you apply for maintenace nad hat results in him deciding to seek contact, then the issue of contact would be ecided based on what was considered to be in your child's best interests. It is likely that it would be in his interess to have some contact so he had the opportunity to get to know his father, it's also likely that this would start gradually as he doesn't currently have a relationship with him.

He has a right to apply for contact rgardless of the position with maintenace.

DUTR · 27 February 2019 at 3:23PM

Hills321 wrote: »

Thank you for your replies. By me saying 'bare minimum' i mean less than he was supposed to pay, we agreed on a small amount of money so I do now feel like he's taken advantage of both me and our son. Yes I do feel like he should be supporting his child financially regardless of contact, but honestly I'm afraid of what kind of influence he will have over him if he did come back into his life. Considering he can just walk away and not even ask about his well-being once in 3 years, I know that's not the way I want my son being treated so if he did start to have contact again in the future, how do I know it will be right for my son.. if that makes sense? moral of the story I just want what's right for him and I'm not so sure if it's worth me even risking it.

It's not just about the money and as others have posted, the contact and CMS are two separate items, some will not put up a fight , just pay and go...then what?

Sibz · 24 March 2019 at 3:11PM

Has something lead to him disputing whether or not he's the father?
Difficult to give any real accurate advice hearing only half a story.

You can claim through the CMS if you so wish, he can respond as he will, however that may be, under the circumstances.

My sons father has no contact but also doesn't support financially

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