Money Moral Dilemma: Should I claim my unpaid child support?

MSE_Sarah · 10 July 2018 at 4:50PM

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I've been told I'm owed over £10,000 in child support arrears, although my son is now in his late 20s. I thought he could use this money, as he's saving to buy a house - but my second husband says we should keep it, as we raised him without it. I now think there's too much scope for conflict, so I'm inclined just to let it go. Is that right?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

If you haven't already, join the forum to reply!

Got a money moral dilemma of your own? [URL="mailto: mmd@moneysavingexpert.com"]Suggest an MMD[/URL].

[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

onlyroz · 10 July 2018 at 8:41PM

Go halves?

kallybear · 10 July 2018 at 8:49PM

just because you are owed it doesnt mean that it will all be paid in one big lump sum it could be £20 a month for the next how ever many years for all you know

i wouldnt decide what to do with the money until you know how and even if you will be getting it

earthmother · 11 July 2018 at 6:40AM

Nice as it would be for your son to get the money owed, as said, it's extremely doubtful you'd get it in a lump sum anyway. And, as you say, it also means starting up conflict in a family dynamic I assume by now is relatively settled at present (not just with your current husband, but also the previous).

Personally, and this is a single parent who has never received a penny of child support from my ex husband, sometimes it's better to just draw a line under it, forget the money existed. The damage caused by chasing it isn't always worth it, and if the father didn't pay back then, he won't pay now, so the question of who actually gets it is pretty much moot.

If by some fluke the money is paid, then 50/50 seems fairest.

Primrose · 11 July 2018 at 8:46AM

Frankly not sure why second husband should have a say in this unless he was actually on the scene and providing financial support to the household while the son was growing up.
I think the mother should make up her own mind and perhaps apply and see what happens. If the money c9mes through and she wants to give some or all of it to the son towards a house deposit, thats her business but Inwouldn,t allow him to fritter any windfall away. I he,s not good at managing his money I,d hold it on his behalf until a suitable property buying opportunity appears. Knowing there's some money coming to increase his deposit pot might incentivise his saving.

Bmwj · 11 July 2018 at 8:51AM

I would claim it and give your son the money, as it would be a fantastic way to help him onto the housing ladder. After all the child support was for him originally! However, it could be doubtful if you would get it all in one go, so don’t raise his hopes until you find out. Your ex might be more inclined to pay up if he knew the money was going to his son in this way!

piglit21 · 11 July 2018 at 9:31AM

Definitely don't give up the opportunity to have the money back. Once you get it, you could always then decide what to do with it - or split between the two?? I agree with others though that the child support is there for your son so maybe I'd lean to giving it to him as would help him out loads.

Cimscate · 11 July 2018 at 9:33AM

Does this mean your first husband has to pay it? If so it should go to your son in my opinion

Methusela · 11 July 2018 at 9:36AM

You might want to think carefully about your second husband's approach, that if he can't keep the windfall himself then he would prefer you to give it up rather than let your son benefit from it. In my view no decent father/grandfather/great-grandfather (I am all three) or step-father who is worthy of his position as head of the family should take such a self-centred attitude.
In your shoes I might worry about what would happen if your 2nd hubby ever won a million on the lottery; you might find him saying "I paid the £2 for the ticket so I'm keeping all the money for myself, bye-bye".

fibonarchie · 11 July 2018 at 9:48AM

There must be a number of "daddies" out there who owe thousands in child support money. My begetter never paid a penny, and was always conveniently 'out of work' whenever it came to court. It would be quite a spectacle if they were all chased up and billed accordingly

But to answer the question, no, if the child's grown up the money is no longer needed.

hazyjo · 11 July 2018 at 9:50AM

Would you be giving it to your son with conditions then? Only if he uses it towards a house? What if he chooses to go travelling for a year with it, or a month on a cruise ship, or gives it all away to the local cats' charity?

I'd take it, and, if I could afford to and nothing needed doing at home, give it to him for a deposit - but without telling him about it and not until he's actually in a position to be house-hunting. It's a nice gesture to be able to do that, but I certainly wouldn't feel guilty about keeping. I mean how many people do you know who saved all their child support to give to their child in later life? I don't know any. Maybe the 'rent' that child has paid them since when they began working, but not the child support.

Money Moral Dilemma: Should I claim my unpaid child support?

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free