Made A Terrible Mistake

Mylife wrote: »

When I say he may change his mind once the baby is here, it's because people can change, at the moment it's still easy to deal with, all he has to do is ask how I am, go with me to appointments if I tell him and offer money, but when the baby is here then there is more demands in the context his time. etc.

Thorsoak I have not thought of getting an abortion and I would rather keep it.

Swingaloo I do not want him to come along to any appointments with me, I was trying to explain how easy it would be for him to come along.

As for his wife not noticing 're money, I'm just guessing but could be wrong.

Pollycat , yes I thought I had worked it out but deep down I knew I was being selfish. I was thinking I could just move and start somewhere else (I'm an idiot)

All the comments have been helpful and have given me food for thought.

It's a difficult and messy situation. Finding out you are pregnant is a massive deal even for those in a stable and loving relationship so it can't be easy to deal with all these changes and decisions.

While it might seem easier for now not to have him involved you have to think longer term. In a few years the fall out from all of this will be old news and the main thing will be your child having a good relationship with both of their parents and knowing they are loved by their whole extended family.

Obviously it's a complete mess of a situation. I can see where you are coming from about not wanting to terminate the pregnancy. I personally would not be able to do it. But have you thought about further down the line how you see your life. I don't think you have mentioned how old you are but do you see yourself in a relationship and starting a family in a few years. Are you happy to do that with a child already? I know in this day and age it's not given a second thought but when I started a family I wanted it to be a new thing for me and my partner. How do your family feel about the situation?

I think it might be (just) slightly less complicated if the Father didn't already have children which will be this unborn child's half-siblings.

Mylife wrote: »

Chesky, if he were to leave his wife I would still not want to be with him, I want to do this alone

those who are asking , I am 31 , I have not thought about what will happen if I were to meet someone else , I'm sure it would not matter if I had a child

Polly you are right its the children that I am more concerned about (ironic) which is why I would not tell the wife or want him to leave.

for him money is the only thing that if I needed I could get without feeling guilty, I do not need it though , I do not want his time, or his help.

As has been said before it doesn't matter what YOU WANT its all about what your child WILL NEED.

I will be honest - I don't think you are ready for this or have thought it through. Every child has a right to know BOTH their parents and you are way out of line thinking that it's your call to deny the father any contact.

As for the Sperm Donor's family, the wife needs to know that the man she trusts has got a silly tart at work pregnant. She can then decide how she wishes to proceed in the interests of her family.

Harsh? Dam right. How dare you think you can just **** a married man, not use protection and then ban him from seeing his child? Where did you get this false sense of entitlement from?

Of course he is more responsible but you knew the situation.

Good luck to your unborn child, I have a feeling he or she is going to need it.