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I don't think it gets much worse than this. Feel totally beaten

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  • Make a note of when all the 0% deals expire and prioritise the debt in order of when they should be paid off. Speak to your wife about budgeting and both stop using the cards. Start up an emergency fund and I would pay at least the amount into your pension that your employer will match. You have obviously overspent on as you say wedding, car and maternity leave. You need to start getting into the habit of saving. An emergency fund, saving for cars and maternity leaves and holidays.

    On the plus side a lot of the cards are on 0, you have a large income with lots of disposable money providing you get better at budgeting and less inclined to spend without thinking. Perhaps you could keep a spending diary which helps clarify bad spending habits - too many trips to supermarket, not meal planning, frequent takeaways or smoking, drinking, gambling are all critical spending habits. Maybe remove cards from online sites you spend on without thinking.
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free Wannabe, Budgeting and Banking and Savings and Investment boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
  • ... and breathe!

    I remember that feeling of total panic and I sympathise, but as others have said already there is always a way forward.

    First, I would go back over six months expenditure for the family and see where the money is actually going. A SOA is a good start but the bank/credit card statements are the real mine of information when trying to budget - you can't accurately plan future spending unless you know from historical data where the extra unbudgeted spend has gone. I found this to be a real eye-opener and it was important in plugging the leaks in the spending.

    At this point, when you have analysed the problem thoroughly, I'd suggest getting your wife on board for all the reasons mentioned so far, but particularly that without this knowledge she potentially remains part of the problem rather than part of the solution. Imagine if the boot was on the other foot - would you want to be kept in ignorance?? Most importantly, you need to be planning where to cut back, what to budget for occasional treats etc, and she needs to have a say in that process. I don't think you are currently being deceitful, but I do think it's not treating her as an equal partner to exclude her from important decisions re future expenditure.

    One thing I'd suggest in your position is paying down the HSBC card as a priority - once cleared, CC companies often send out 0% BT offers, and if such was offered you would be ahead of the game in moving the remaining debt to 0% until it is cleared.

    Set up a spreadsheet or two, detailing what you're going to pay to whom and when. They are really helpful in getting a complete picture. Investigate the snowball calculator to minimise the interest paid and if it helps, set up another bank account to make budgeting/planning easier (For example, my variable salary goes into my main account. I then divert anything over the amount needed to cover the DDs, SOs, etc to other places and ignore the main account so there is no chance of frittering away the mortgage/gas/electric/council tax money.)

    Finally, (for now:)) the subject of letting people down.... you would only be doing that if you were NOT trying to address the issues, which is obviously not the case. If you crack on and get on top of this now, you will be clear of debt and with a good chunk of a savings behind you by the time your son goes to senior school, which is when they become more independent and have the potential to get particularly expensive.

    All the best; it is daunting but you have so much going for you. I found huge satisfaction in getting on top of my debt (as do many) so there are many positives to be had.

    LR
    Save In 2018 #109
  • Silvertabby
    Silvertabby Posts: 8,969
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    I have also temporarily opted out of my pension scheme which is giving me £300 per month.

    Dan - what sort of pension is this? If it's a defined benefits scheme (which it certainly will be if you work for the public sector) then you need to opt back in as fast as you can. Apart from losing pension benefits, any death in service and dependents pensions would be hugely reduced if you were to die while you are not an active member of the scheme.

    I see that you are paying £40 per month life insurance, but would that be enough for your wife and child to live on?

    Sorry to be doom and gloom, but pooh happens.
  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 11,903
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    It *will* get worse if you don't tell herself.

    If you feel you are letting a 6 year old down, you will be sadly absolutely right if Mummy & Daddy split up over a fixable debt. So, talk to her!
    Before she takes the credit cards for a walk, "indulges you" on something for Valentines & unawares adds to the problem.

    She's a *vital* part of the solution.
  • OK, that's a lot of credit cards with balances to juggle monthly.


    As noted before, you've got to get a handle on ...
    • Tackling the debt as a couple
    • Living within your means
    • Paying off your debts in priority / cost order

    It looks to me like there's no-one knocking at your door at the moment and you have the benefit of good income(s). You need to tackle this head on and with absolute honesty now or you are only storing up bigger problems which might have catastrophic consequences financially and domestically at a later date.
    174 BPM >> CC Balance (0%) -£3,565.99 - Target DFD Dec 2017 >> Loan (Car) (3.1%) -£19,803.74 - Target DFD Nov 2020
  • With your income and if the 'available to spend end of month' is accurate, you should be able to clear the debts reasonably quickly, so consider yourself in a 'lucky' situation when you had your LBM.

    You don't seem to have an emergency fund - I'd suggest putting, say £150 a month aside AND paying off as much debt as you can until you have couple of thousand set aside (minimum). Also pare down to necessities only and pay anything extra you have towards debt. (even if it is £1 here and there!)

    Good luck with your journey!
  • Thanks for all of your replies guys. They all help a great deal. I already feel better having offloaded my situation on here.

    I know that my wife needs to be on board with this. I spent a couple of hours this morning going through everything that we pay etc. I have drawn up a spreadsheet showing our regular outgoings. I have included food, fuel for cars, after school clubs etc. Basically all of our living costs. This shows quite clearly that we do have £2700 surplus cash each month.

    I told my wife that I needed to speak to her about finances. I showed her the spreadsheet and talked through everything that we pay out. I struggled to say " We owe 50K", however I did say " We owe tens of thousands of pounds and we really need to sort it out now". She didn't ask for the exact figure.

    I showed her surplus and suggested that we think of it as a 3 year plan. We would really like to move house in 3 years, however we both accept that this can't happen until the debt is gone. I told her that our £2700 surplus over 3 years means that we effectively have close to 100K over the 3 years that we can use to pay debts and save.

    I feel loads better already. I know that I wimped out on the "we owe 50K" bit, but I think that everything else that I said made it quite clear that we are in a big hole! I am going to share the total balances with her in the next 3-6 months when I can also show her the progress that we have made.

    I feel like I am describing a different person. I am usually confident and upfront, but there is something about debt and money that makes me clam up!

    Is this progress?
  • Yes this is progress. Well done. You probably don't feel confident because it is overwhelming to have that amount of unsecured debt. Often people don't add it up so it doesn't seem as bad so well done for confronting it. I would also save emergency funds at same time by sticking £100 in an account for emergencies
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free Wannabe, Budgeting and Banking and Savings and Investment boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
  • Its real progress!!! But........now the hard work begins.

    You have to not slip into old habits and I hope you wont. For some.....just seeing the debt balance come down (which should be quite quick in your case) is incentive enough to keep going.

    My advice would be to factor in something that gives you a treat every now and then but wont cost the earth. Otherwise it all gets boring and you wonder what you are working for.

    I also second trying to build an emergency fund up then if something like the boiler packing up or big expenses on the car are needed, you dont need to put any more on the card.

    Good luck!! Its doable!! I will be popping in to see your progress! :D
    Make £10 a Day Feb .....£75.... March... £65......April...£90.....May £20.....June £35.......July £60
  • Money_Rollercoaster
    Money_Rollercoaster Posts: 247 Forumite
    edited 11 February 2017 at 7:33PM
    That sounds like real progress. Don't start celebrating yet though, you've got alot to do before you're clear of that debt. But you've absolutely done the right thing confronting it AND making your wife aware of the situation you're in.
    174 BPM >> CC Balance (0%) -£3,565.99 - Target DFD Dec 2017 >> Loan (Car) (3.1%) -£19,803.74 - Target DFD Nov 2020
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