I Stand Quietly....
Comments
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happyandcontented wrote: »I suppose it depends what form the "force" takes and what parameters are in place. None of us want to think of our children being isolated or alone in later life when we may not be around to support them. So, allowing or facilitating the social isolation of someone on the spectrum is not necssarily doing them any favours. You appear to have formed a relationship and produced a child so the force applied by your mother may have had a positive outcome even if at the time you found it difficult.
Locally, we have a designated social centre for those with ASD run by those with ASD for others with ASD. It is often hard to get them there on the first few occasions but with parental chivvying it can be a great place to engage in social interaction with those who have the same traits. From there, it seems that all social interaction becomes slightly easier.Save
I never made my son interact if he didn't want to, although we did encourage him to join things like Cubs, and he loved Young Enterprise at sixth form. I too like my own space, so quite understood his need for solitude.
Eventually as he got older, (late Secondary School age), he made friends, never hoardes of them, just a few, most of them through a Warhammer Club, and most of whom he is still in touch with twenty years later. He has a long-term partner, who he also met at Warhammer (one of the few females to like it), she is also on the spectrum.(AKA HRH_MUngo)
Member #10 of £2 savers club
Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton0 -
AylesburyDuck wrote: »I would sooner wipe my bum on a Cactus than parent my child the same way my mother parented me, but there again if she had know about my ASD would she have parented me differently! Just a ponderance not a question.:think:
And no amount of *Chivvying* will get me the result you seem to think i can gain, and thats if i could actually Chivvy my close to 6ft, bigger than me, with very firm thoughts on his leisure time,16 year old Aspie.:eek:
The door is always open for me to arrange something along those lines for him, and he knows this, and he very nearly went and got his own cactus at the suggestion!
I dont hold him captive which seems to be the implication.
It's a phrase well used, but alas i'm gonna say it.
"If you have seen one person with ASD, then you have seen one person with ASD.":wall:
And while some Aspies can be Chivvied, a great amount can not.
Sorry for hijacking the thread 7DW, maybe its my ASD but i hate to be misunderstood.:(
Not a problem, I am the same
(AKA HRH_MUngo)
Member #10 of £2 savers club
Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton0 -
happyandcontented wrote: »With the greatest of respect I have pobably been involved with more people on the ASD spectrum than most people and understand the range of issues that it brings.
My point is that the encouragement ( not force or even chivvying if that offends!) has to start from early years, the patterns are strongly ingrained by early teens and of course at that point would prove much more difficult to address.They do still need to be addressed though.Save
Anything i type now is no longer constructive you've annoyed me so much with that sentance.:mad:
I shall take my leave of this topic.,Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.0 -
seven-day-weekend wrote: »I never made my son interact if he didn't want to, although we did encourage him to join things like Cubs, and he loved Young Enterprise at sixth form. I too like my own space, so quite understood his need for solitude.
Eventually as he got older, (late Secondary School age), he made friends, never hoardes of them, just a few, most of them through a Warhammer Club, and most of whom he is still in touch with twenty years later. He has a long-term partner, who he also met at Warhammer (one of the few females to like it), she is also on the spectrum.
I wasn't advocating force at all, :eek:that would be extremely counter productive, I was advocating your method of encouragement and doing that from an early age. I think it is widely accepted that those on the spectrum do need alone time, and it seems that your son had the balance right.0 -
AylesburyDuck wrote: »Anything i type now is no longer constructive you've annoyed me so much with that sentance.:mad:
I shall take my leave of this topic.
I am sorry I annoyed you, that wasn't in any way my intention. I was just wanting to convey that I did have experience of those on the spectrum and of outcomes for later life.Save0 -
happyandcontented wrote: »I am sorry I annoyed you, that wasn't in any way my intention. I was just wanting to convey that I did have experience of those on the spectrum and of outcomes for later life.Save
For the record can you state what experience that is?,Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.0 -
AylesburyDuck wrote: »For the record can you state what experience that is?
I have a related post grad qualification and worked in the field for a good number of years. I also have relevant family experience.0 -
On the contrary, Asperger's is defined as a significant difficulty with social interactions and communication along with repetitive behaviours and interests. Social skills are actually the whole point here. Sensory sensitivities come with.
I enjoyed reading 'I stand quietly' very much. Parents of children on the spectrum have to cope with so much. Knowing that a child needs the benefits of being hugged and touched and played with, yet they are unable to cope with that contact, must be excruciating. And putting up with all the judgement on top. What a lovely piece of writing, thanks for that.
Robisere, finding something you're good at is beneficial to us all and I'm glad your grandson has done that. You sound so proud of him. That's lovely. However, the idea that people with Asperger's are more likely to be more intelligent is a myth that really needs to be dispelled. Your grandson's interest in computers is partly the result of a kind of over- attention to minute detail that comes with this condition. It serves your grandson well while he's programming, but in a social situation with real live people leaves him vulnerable. There is some evidence that multi player computer games can help. They may be a way to help him interact with others without stressing him too much. Maybe worth looking into.
1 - In mine and my daughter's experience with consultants and many other Apergers sufferers, high intelligence is a common factor, along with an almost scary ability to follow through a task which absorbs them, to the end. 'Tunnel vision' is the weak, but closest analogy.
2 - He is not just a programmer, he is an IT network and security engineer. He is just 23 years old and has been the right hand man to the boss of a very productive, very busy company for the last 4 years. The boss and owner states unequivocally, that he could not now run the company as successfully without him. He has created unique systems for operating resources remotely in client companies. This has won large, rewarding contracts.
3 - He plays Multi-Player games with others and has done since he was 13. He wins a lot, but does not make winning the aim, he likes to teach other players how he won. He also has a few loyal friends, a loving younger sister and loving cousins, but finds socialising a torture with someone he has not met and got to know several times.
4 - You are attempting to put him in a 'box' and label it. This is what many people try to do with people across the Autistic spectrum. It is unfair and innapropriate: each human being is an individual and that is true just as much, maybe more, across the Autistic spectrum as it is with anyone who is not affected by the condition.
We have got tired of people doing that over the years. It does not work. I am proud of him, you say - you're damned right I'm proud of a lad that has fought his way from school tormenters who did not understand him, to a responsible job and a good life that he loves. That he prefers his own company at times, is fine. We understand that because we understand him and we love him.I think this job really needs
a much bigger hammer.
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AylesburyDuck wrote: »Thanks.
It's, very very saddening/disappointing your so closed minded then.
I don't believe that is a fair assessment based on my comments on here. I actually think I could turn that back on you......
I am not sure how you feel I have demonstated that by simply stating that it is for the long term good that those on the spectrum are encouraged from an early age to socialise ( within defined paramenters) rather than just remain isolated. Note, again, I said "encouraged" not forced.
There are, of course, many strategies, reading materials and even designated social behaviour ASD specialists around to help with the process as it is a well established concept.
Apologies again, for whatever it was that offended you about my comments. I am genuinely in the dark as they are so mainstream in their content.Save
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My son is also very intelligent, with a 'tunnel vision' type of obsession - Land Rovers and motorcycles, especially engines, are his 'thing'.0
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