Divorce proceedings

trojan10_om · 30 November 2017 at 9:43AM

triple_choc_chip wrote: »

Maybe not, that will be for the court to decide when you do the financial part of the divorce, it could be 50/50, 70/30 or 100% to her, depends on both personal circumstances and you may have to wait until the youngest is 18 years to see your equity. It's a long road, don't start off too fast.

Oh, I didn't consider that. She initially offered to buy me out based on a 50% split, but to subtract the money her father paid for the extension. I haven't done the sums to work out what that split would be.

So much to think about.

gonzo127 · 30 November 2017 at 10:10AM

trojan10_om wrote: »

Oh, I didn't consider that. She initially offered to buy me out based on a 50% split, but to subtract the money her father paid for the extension. I haven't done the sums to work out what that split would be.

So much to think about.

there is, which is why i keep on about getting things a little more concrete but doing it in bite size chunks

once again the first and main thing you need to do right now is

work out child maintenance - online tool for that, which has already been linked to

work out how much you NEED to live - check 2 bed rentals in your area, have a look at council tax costs (i would estimate a band B or C for a 2 bed house/flat), add on say £30 a week for food, £60 a month for gas and elec, £20 a month for broadband and phone and then any other normal outgoings you will have such as mobile phone, TV license, commuting costs, debt repayments etc, honestly i cant stress enough how helpful a statement of affairs can be for this as it will list things you might not think about (and i havent listed like hair cuts)

see how much you have left over, IF ANY!

you can now decide how much, if any, you are willing to pay to your ex over and above the basic child maintenance.

once you have worked this out you can 'present' your offer to your ex to discus - although do not be surprised if you have to show your ex the break down of the living costs you will need - once again a very good reason to get a SOA sorted. in my experience when i seperated from my ex wife, she did not believe how much it was going to cost me to live, and was only able to consider what she needed. your ex might be different, but be prepared is probably the best solution

do not worry about her buying you out just yet, or you buying her out, just sort the current living issues out and current finances. the buying out of the house will be a long term discussion and not something you want to rush into agreeing, especially not without full financial disclosure and legal advice, which will take time, so really, just try to park that for the moment, whilst you sort out the most pressing issues of how you are going to live right now.

triple_choc_chip · 30 November 2017 at 7:44PM

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

Here's the link to the statement of affairs (SOA)

trojan10_om · 29 January 2018 at 3:07PM

Thank you for all of your advice before Christmas, I have followed all of the steps and sadly communication started to go downhill between my ex and I as soon as the mediation process started.

We have both sent many emails backwards and forwards, but now I have just received a message that there will be no further communication between us except for emergencies (with the exception of mediation I would assume).

I have already had an 1 hour appointment with a solicitor at a fixed rate of £100 - I learned little from this that I didn't already know from this thread. I now have the option of appointing the solicitor at a rate of £195/hour + VAT (seems about the going rate?)

Do you have any advice on getting the most out of the solicitor at this point?

My biggest concerns are:

She is denying me any access to the house
I agreed to pay £400 (child maintenance) and half the mortgage up until May on the condition I can look after the children in the family house on my days - this has worked well so far, but today she has said that this will no longer be permitted.
The division of house equity - obviously this is complex and based on the children's needs. She has indicated her preference to stay in the house and buying me out financed by her dad. If we agreed say 40% to me, how is that going to effect what we I need to pay in maintenance
Our possessions- nothing we jointly own is valued at over £500 and all the advice I receive is that it won't be worth a legal battle. But the vast majority of possessions are in the house still.

I'm obviously quite daunted about the task ahead, and will continue to seek professional advice. I'm concerned now that she has decided to cut off communication the cost of this separation are going to skyrocket with solicitors fees.

I'm not convinced about continuing mediation (it's £100 each per hour), it's achieved very little so far and it just seems so unstructured.

Money_maker · 29 January 2018 at 3:34PM

You have my sympathies. Whilst you wait for someone else more knowledgeable to come along, she cannot deny you access to your house if it is jointly owned. Moving back in should encourage her to make some decisions.

trojan10_om · 29 January 2018 at 3:43PM

Money_maker wrote: »

You have my sympathies. Whilst you wait for someone else more knowledgeable to come along, she cannot deny you access to your house if it is jointly owned. Moving back in should encourage her to make some decisions.

Thanks for your support, I wouldn't even consider moving back in. The tension wouldn't go unnoticed by the children.

She would use phrases like 'harassment' when I've suggested such option in the past.

TBagpuss · 29 January 2018 at 6:26PM

trojan10_om wrote: »

Thank you for all of your advice before Christmas, I have followed all of the steps and sadly communication started to go downhill between my ex and I as soon as the mediation process started.

We have both sent many emails backwards and forwards, but now I have just received a message that there will be no further communication between us except for emergencies (with the exception of mediation I would assume).

I have already had an 1 hour appointment with a solicitor at a fixed rate of £100 - I learned little from this that I didn't already know from this thread. I now have the option of appointing the solicitor at a rate of £195/hour + VAT (seems about the going rate?)

Do you have any advice on getting the most out of the solicitor at this point?

My biggest concerns are:
She is denying me any access to the house

I agreed to pay £400 (child maintenance) and half the mortgage up until May on the condition I can look after the children in the family house on my days - this has worked well so far, but today she has said that this will no longer be permitted.

Frustrating, but long term you would not be expecting to share the house. It may be wise to suggest that you sirt out hw to split the home contents and then 'call it quits'
Make a list of any personal stuff of yours still at he house, and a list of furnishings and other home contents you'd like, and try to agree those lists with her and arrange a time to go to collect your things.

It would not be unreasonable to say that you can't continue to pay the mortgage if the basis on which you agreed to pay it has changed, however, it isn't in either of your interests to let the mortgage go into arrears to continuing to pay for another month or so may be the least-worst option.

Is the £400 based on the CMS calculation?

[*] The division of house equity - obviously this is complex and based on the children's needs. She has indicated her preference to stay in the house and buying me out financed by her dad. If we agreed say 40% to me, how is that going to effect what we I need to pay in maintenance

It isn't. Maintenance is based on your income,
how the equity is split is based on what is fair and practical taking into account your respective needs and resources.
How do your earning capacities compare? Do you earn more than her?

[*] Our possessions- nothing we jointly own is valued at over £500 and all the advice I receive is that it won't be worth a legal battle. But the vast majority of possessions are in the house still.

See above. It's correct that fighting over home contents is rarely costs effective, as all a court can do if you don't agree is to order that they be sold and any proceeds split, and second hand furniture isn't worth much. But making a list of which items you'd like so that the contents are divided is not unreasonable. It would normally be reasonable to leave the children's furniture in the house if they have that as their primary home, but not unreasonable to divide up stuff like the rest of the furniture,
kitchen a contents, bed linen etc so both of you has some stuff and both have to buy some replacements.

I'm obviously quite daunted about the task ahead, and will continue to seek professional advice. I'm concerned now that she has decided to cut off communication the cost of this separation are going to skyrocket with solicitors fees.

I'm not convinced about continuing mediation (it's £100 each per hour), it's achieved very little so far and it just seems so unstructured.

you could consider looking for a solicitor who is also a collaborative lawyer, and exploring the option of collaborative law. It is similar to mediation but more structured,
and with more incentive to stick with the process. You can also ask your solicitor (if you don't want to use the Collaborative process) to suggest a round table meeting, which could involve you and your ex, and both solicitors, which can be a way of trying to reach agreement without going to court, but in a more formal setting than mediation.

trojan10_om · 2 February 2018 at 9:59AM

TBagpuss wrote: »

Frustrating, but long term you would not be expecting to share the house. It may be wise to suggest that you sirt out hw to split the home contents and then 'call it quits'
Make a list of any personal stuff of yours still at he house, and a list of furnishings and other home contents you'd like, and try to agree those lists with her and arrange a time to go to collect your things.

It would not be unreasonable to say that you can't continue to pay the mortgage if the basis on which you agreed to pay it has changed, however, it isn't in either of your interests to let the mortgage go into arrears to continuing to pay for another month or so may be the least-worst option.

Is the £400 based on the CMS calculation?

It isn't. Maintenance is based on your income,
how the equity is split is based on what is fair and practical taking into account your respective needs and resources.
How do your earning capacities compare? Do you earn more than her?

See above. It's correct that fighting over home contents is rarely costs effective, as all a court can do if you don't agree is to order that they be sold and any proceeds split, and second hand furniture isn't worth much. But making a list of which items you'd like so that the contents are divided is not unreasonable. It would normally be reasonable to leave the children's furniture in the house if they have that as their primary home, but not unreasonable to divide up stuff like the rest of the furniture,
kitchen a contents, bed linen etc so both of you has some stuff and both have to buy some replacements.

you could consider looking for a solicitor who is also a collaborative lawyer, and exploring the option of collaborative law. It is similar to mediation but more structured,
and with more incentive to stick with the process. You can also ask your solicitor (if you don't want to use the Collaborative process) to suggest a round table meeting, which could involve you and your ex, and both solicitors, which can be a way of trying to reach agreement without going to court, but in a more formal setting than mediation.

Thank you, this helps put things into perspective. House access, possessions and the mortgage payment really are minor issues.

As of yesterday I've had confirmation she no longer wants to participate in mediation. She also has asked me not to contact about her except for emergencies. Should I write to her solicitor asking for 2 days access to the house to 1. get my own valuation of the property and 2. make a list of the possessions. I don't even have keys to the new porch door (installed just before I moved out), should I ask for these?

With the equity of the house, I feel this is where she will try it on the most. Her financial disclosure was quite outrageous. Her monthly expenditure was claimed to be £3,000 - which is 85% of our combined net earnings. Within this only a very small part was personal/leisure costs the rest being inflated predictions of expenditure on the children and £850 a month on a nanny.

I completed mine as honestly as possibly, is this going to count against me now?

Comms69 · 2 February 2018 at 11:12AM

trojan10_om wrote: »

Thanks for your support, I wouldn't even consider moving back in. The tension wouldn't go unnoticed by the children.

She would use phrases like 'harassment' when I've suggested such option in the past.

you cannot be considered to be harassing someone purely by being in your own residence. Whilst there may be short term tension, it does tend to speed things along.

Comms69 · 2 February 2018 at 11:15AM

trojan10_om wrote: »

Thank you, this helps put things into perspective. House access, possessions and the mortgage payment really are minor issues.

As of yesterday I've had confirmation she no longer wants to participate in mediation. She also has asked me not to contact about her except for emergencies. Should I write to her solicitor asking for 2 days access to the house to 1. get my own valuation of the property and 2. make a list of the possessions. I don't even have keys to the new porch door (installed just before I moved out), should I ask for these? - Ask? requests have 2 options: yes and no. You require access and you require the keys. Failure to provide will result in you calling a locksmith and having the locks changed.

With the equity of the house, I feel this is where she will try it on the most. Her financial disclosure was quite outrageous. Her monthly expenditure was claimed to be £3,000 - which is 85% of our combined net earnings. Within this only a very small part was personal/leisure costs the rest being inflated predictions of expenditure on the children and £850 a month on a nanny. - Irrelevant.

I completed mine as honestly as possibly, is this going to count against me know?

Not necessarily. the cost of the nanny may as well be binned right from the get go. There is cheaper childcare options

Divorce proceedings

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