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    • teabag29
    • By teabag29 6th Jan 19, 3:28 PM
    • 1,874Posts
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    Not sure where to post this: re kinship care
    • #1
    • 6th Jan 19, 3:28 PM
    Not sure where to post this: re kinship care 6th Jan 19 at 3:28 PM
    Hi there Iím looking for advice, my situation is as follows;
    I have a partner and 3 children at home. Both my partner and I are on pip, him for learning problems and I have MS. Our son is also on Dla as he has development delay. Both my partner and I have had to give up work over the last few years, he claims carers for me as he helps me with my physical problems and I claim carers for my son (I provide more learning care and calm his meltdowns, my partner does more the physical side). We are also claiming universal credit.

    The dilemma: my eldest daughter has mental health issues and has recently had a child (almost 4 months ago). She is unable to look after him and has placed him voluntarily in local Authority care under a section 20. The social worker has kept him living with us under a section 20 agreement (heís lived here since birth but daughter has now moved out to focus on getting the help she needs) atleast until the final hearing in 6 months but possibly long term under a guardianship depending on our wishes (Iím a little reluctant as I donít know how my ms will progress and scared incase it progresses 5 years down the line and then I canít give him the life he deserves).

    I love having my grandson here heís a pleasure to look after but Iím finding Iím spending a small fortune that I donít have especially now Iíve lost around £800 a month being out on universal credit.

    Heís now outgrown his clothes and needs the next size up and his bouncer chair is dangerously too small. He needs a cot and soon a high chair as well as nappies milk etc.

    I asked the social worker if we can get any financial help and she said once assessments are completed and I sign a consent form Iíll be given an allowance.
    The problem is itís been 3 weeks already and sheís only just filled out the first assessment form for the kinship team, she said she now hands that to them to look into and if accepted Iíll need a home assessment too (but sheís confident of him staying here itís just the procedure that they have to do).

    What do I I do financially in the meantime? I feel awkward asking the social worker again but little man is going to need things very shortly and Iím already feeling the pinch, he gets through 2 tubs of milk a week and numerous nappies creams bathing products etc

    Am I able to claim child benefit or add him to our universal credit claim? or do I have to just wait for months until all these assessments are done so I can get the allowance from the social worker?

    Sorry if wrong forum wasnít sure where to put it
Page 2
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 7th Jan 19, 1:12 AM
    • 39,607 Posts
    • 36,746 Thanks
    it may be worth speaking to your / little one's Health Visitor to see what there is locally in terms of baby banks, extra help etc. Other than that, I can only suggest keeping on at the Social Worker to make it clear that you need the financial support NOW and not in a year's time! The suggestion re SW writing a letter about the claim for Child Benefit is definitely a good one.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 7th Jan 19, 8:13 AM
    • 5,896 Posts
    • 27,419 Thanks
    I do not wish to hi-jack Teabag's thread, however I would like to address Chooser's comments upon Teabag's life choices/benefits.

    Chooser - lives can change in 30 minutes - and that 30 minutes can impact even 30 years forward. 30 years ago yesterday, I had a lovely life...devoted OH, who was a lecturer at a university, I had a lovely job, we were converting two old (mortgage free) cottages into a comfortable home large enough for our four children, aged 4 to 14, no money worries - paying for the work on the cottages each month from our good salaries. We looked forward to a comfortable life in the future.

    30 years ago today, my OH was involved in a relatively minor accident - however he suddenly collapsed as he was helping the other person involved and actually "died" for five minutes. That five minutes left him with brain damage, and his life - and the lives of the rest of the family changed forever.

    Yes, we got him back - but six months later, when he eventually got home to us, life was turned on its head. After a year, no nice salary cheques, work on the house had to stop. Another year later, OH was granted disability allowance - but nowhere near his salary level of course. Fortunately, my salary was high enough to get a mortgage, but life was never again as we had envisaged it. I considered that the extra 20 years we had together such a bonus even though I sometimes complained that I had only ever wanted four children, noth the fifth one that he sometimes became!

    Life can change in a heartbeat so please do not judge others by your life.
    • ThinkPink
    • By ThinkPink 7th Jan 19, 9:16 AM
    • 892 Posts
    • 1,782 Thanks
    I would definitely look on Facebook marketplace and places like sphock and eBay for cheap bundles of clothes and other bits for the little one. I sell bundles on there and find I don't actually get much for what is in each bundle- you can definitely get a lot for your money.

    What about speaking with CAB, just wondered if they be able to help and recommend some charities etc that may be able to help you.
    • Nicki
    • By Nicki 7th Jan 19, 9:23 AM
    • 7,829 Posts
    • 27,872 Thanks
    I think you are doing a tremendous thing Teabag at great personal cost.

    Have you tried speaking to the baby’s Health Visitor and enquiring at local Children’s Centres? Both might know of local resources which could be available to you
    • babyblade41
    • By babyblade41 7th Jan 19, 9:39 AM
    • 457 Posts
    • 438 Thanks
    What about the father of this child, is there no financial support coming from him at all ??

    Just having a glance over your previous history then I am not sure considering your daughters problems how the new born would not have been on the at risk register ..I suppose different areas would have different guidelines.

    It seems that there are multiple complex issues going on within the house which I m surprised that SS are happy to leave the child within.

    I am coming from a purely un emotional side and in no way am I being detrimental

    You state you now have a loss of 800.00 in payments down to being switched to UC and there does appear to be people within the family claiming carers allowance when they themselves need care which makes me wonder it's some of those benefits have been removed

    You will get the CB but that will take time to filter through, I know when my Grand son went to live with his Dad and step Mum it took months and with 3 other children in the HH it was a struggle but they muddled through

    None of the financial problems will be quick to come to fruition and depending on your SW would have gone through the process .

    You also have to think of the long term best future for the child(again taking emotion out of the equation)
    If as you say your MS progresses quickly then how on earth are you going to take care of another little one when there are only benefits to rely on and very limited practice care .

    All supposition from my part but main concern is the long term welfare the child and as for his mother then she must deal with whatever demons she has to deal with and set proper boundaries at all times

    Just a practical solution , charity shops, free cycle
    • teabag29
    • By teabag29 7th Jan 19, 10:23 AM
    • 1,874 Posts
    • 2,871 Thanks
    The baby was on child protection, they gave her a chance with it on the condition she moved back to my house for me to supervise and help her, unfortunately she couldnít manage in most areas and I had to be honest with the social worker for my grandsons sake. They have left him in my care until the final hearing, the SW wants me to have him long term but as you have mentioned Iím worried about the life I can give him. My half sister who is in a better position in life has put forward to be assessed (my dd doesnít know this yet) if this works out it means he will have a better life and Iíll still be able to be part of it. The childís father blocked my DD after he found out she was pregnant, he was self employed earning very little, he wants nothing to do with baby.

    As for the carers side in my household I look after my sons learning needs and meltdowns that side of things and my partner looks after the physical side of things both with my son and myself (eg carrying shopping, lifting son out of bath).

    I have left a message with the health visitor to contact me and Iíve been looking on eBay (thanks for that suggestion some good bundles on there at reasonable prices). Dd has said she will ring Child benefits this week to end her claim, not sure if that will make a difference or not. Iíve opened up a junior ISA for little man and set up 5 pound a week to go in its all I can manage but it all adds up.

    What is a baby bank and who would I get in touch with to be referred to one of these? Thanks for all the advice ladies very much appreciated
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 7th Jan 19, 10:37 AM
    • 30,596 Posts
    • 78,443 Thanks
    On the practical side of things, if you have a HomeStart group near you, it would be worth contacting them.

    With all the problems you are dealing with, any extra help will make life easier.
    • Nicki
    • By Nicki 7th Jan 19, 10:59 AM
    • 7,829 Posts
    • 27,872 Thanks
    You are very gracious and tolerant Teabag

    This is clearly a very difficult and sensitive time - the baby is only a few months old so this must all be very raw and upsetting. I’m not sure I’d cope as well as you have with people trawling through your previous posting history to offer their two pennorth on your entire situation rather than confining themselves to answering the very straightforward question you asked in your first post.

    It’s amazing really when you think about it, that SW need degrees and these situations take so long to resolve with so many professionals involved at every stage of the way when any old Tom !!!! or Harry can come up with all the answers in a few seconds flat without meeting or speaking to anyone involved and deliver their judgment in the bluntest terms possible...
    • unforeseen
    • By unforeseen 7th Jan 19, 11:12 AM
    • 3,593 Posts
    • 4,794 Thanks
    Wouldn't CB be ruled out on the grounds that OP appears to already be claiming for 3 children.
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 7th Jan 19, 11:50 AM
    • 5,972 Posts
    • 4,506 Thanks
    Special circumstances
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 7th Jan 19, 1:39 PM
    • 39,607 Posts
    • 36,746 Thanks
    Google baby bank plus your area / city / town / county and see what comes up - widen if necessary! Quite a few come up when I do it without an area.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 7th Jan 19, 7:42 PM
    • 5,693 Posts
    • 7,010 Thanks
    Do you have friends with slightly larger little ones? If you let people know what you are looking for you may find they have stuff they are glad to hand on.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • hb2
    • By hb2 8th Jan 19, 11:02 AM
    • 259 Posts
    • 595 Thanks
    Teabag, I'm afraid I don't have any practical suggestions but didn't want to 'read and run'. You are clearly working hard to play the hand life has dealt you and, IMHO, that deserves respect.

    I would also like to echo thorsoak's reminder that all of us are only a moment away from major life changes. I refer to my previous life as being when I was 'TAB' - temporarily able bodied!
    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 12th Jan 19, 5:37 PM
    • 7,183 Posts
    • 42,633 Thanks
    determined new ms
    Just wanted to say I hope you and your family are ok Teabag. I know how rough this phase of this process is. You are doing a wonderful thing, and ultimately being with family and having (appropriate) access with his birth mother will help in the long run
    DF as at 30/12/16
    Wombling 2017 £3016.55/Roadkill £8.73
    Wombling 2018 £145.73/RK £0.04
    • BBH123
    • By BBH123 14th Jan 19, 11:35 AM
    • 925 Posts
    • 1,999 Thanks
    Genuine Question - is mental health / learning problems hereditary ? I have never heard of one family with so many problems.
    Save 6k in 2019 challenge #44
    1443 / 6000
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 14th Jan 19, 11:40 AM
    • 4,073 Posts
    • 10,994 Thanks
    Genuine Question - is mental health / learning problems hereditary ? I have never heard of one family with so many problems.
    Originally posted by BBH123
    I donít think this thread is the place for that discussion.
    • Amanda65
    • By Amanda65 14th Jan 19, 10:14 PM
    • 2,009 Posts
    • 3,721 Thanks
    Hi Teabag

    You mentioned you and your OH had both had to stop working, what work did you do? There may be an occupational benevolent fund I could suggest if you don't mind sharing the info (you can PM me if you prefer)
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