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    • teabag29
    • By teabag29 6th Jan 19, 3:28 PM
    • 1,874Posts
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    teabag29
    Not sure where to post this: re kinship care
    • #1
    • 6th Jan 19, 3:28 PM
    Not sure where to post this: re kinship care 6th Jan 19 at 3:28 PM
    Hi there Iím looking for advice, my situation is as follows;
    I have a partner and 3 children at home. Both my partner and I are on pip, him for learning problems and I have MS. Our son is also on Dla as he has development delay. Both my partner and I have had to give up work over the last few years, he claims carers for me as he helps me with my physical problems and I claim carers for my son (I provide more learning care and calm his meltdowns, my partner does more the physical side). We are also claiming universal credit.

    The dilemma: my eldest daughter has mental health issues and has recently had a child (almost 4 months ago). She is unable to look after him and has placed him voluntarily in local Authority care under a section 20. The social worker has kept him living with us under a section 20 agreement (heís lived here since birth but daughter has now moved out to focus on getting the help she needs) atleast until the final hearing in 6 months but possibly long term under a guardianship depending on our wishes (Iím a little reluctant as I donít know how my ms will progress and scared incase it progresses 5 years down the line and then I canít give him the life he deserves).

    I love having my grandson here heís a pleasure to look after but Iím finding Iím spending a small fortune that I donít have especially now Iíve lost around £800 a month being out on universal credit.

    Heís now outgrown his clothes and needs the next size up and his bouncer chair is dangerously too small. He needs a cot and soon a high chair as well as nappies milk etc.

    I asked the social worker if we can get any financial help and she said once assessments are completed and I sign a consent form Iíll be given an allowance.
    The problem is itís been 3 weeks already and sheís only just filled out the first assessment form for the kinship team, she said she now hands that to them to look into and if accepted Iíll need a home assessment too (but sheís confident of him staying here itís just the procedure that they have to do).

    What do I I do financially in the meantime? I feel awkward asking the social worker again but little man is going to need things very shortly and Iím already feeling the pinch, he gets through 2 tubs of milk a week and numerous nappies creams bathing products etc

    Am I able to claim child benefit or add him to our universal credit claim? or do I have to just wait for months until all these assessments are done so I can get the allowance from the social worker?

    Sorry if wrong forum wasnít sure where to put it
Page 1
    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 6th Jan 19, 4:07 PM
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    determined new ms
    • #2
    • 6th Jan 19, 4:07 PM
    • #2
    • 6th Jan 19, 4:07 PM
    you should contact grandparents plus for advice. Ripley & Hall are a family law solicitors that specialise in kinship care cases. They will often give you a free telephone consultation

    SS will try to hang you out to dry. It's a sad that that kinship carers do not get the support their kin children deserve often unless it's fought for. The outcomes for children in kinship care are much better than those in mainstream foster care but unless you have a water tight agreement at court they do not get access to the support to make their lives better.

    Get some specialist advice
    DF as at 30/12/16
    Wombling 2017 £3016.55/Roadkill £8.73
    Wombling 2018 £145.73/RK £0.04
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 6th Jan 19, 4:32 PM
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    pollyanna 26
    • #3
    • 6th Jan 19, 4:32 PM
    • #3
    • 6th Jan 19, 4:32 PM
    I know very little about kinship care but would think until all is signed and sealed you will not be able to access any form of benefits for the child.


    The poster above me seems to have more idea on what to do



    If you or your husband have support or social workers due to your own ill health it could be worth seeing if they could help with a referral to a food bank or better still a baby bank in your area. The former have baby food and the latter also have clothing . equipment and all the bits and bobs babies need . Your GP could also refer as this will be impacting on your health .


    I know of at least one Kinship carer on this board but there will be others on the forums . I'm afraid anything involving SS and other agencies tends to be a long slow process .


    TBH It sounds as though you have more than enough to cope with already so I wish you luck .
    polly
    • kingfisherblue
    • By kingfisherblue 6th Jan 19, 4:42 PM
    • 8,263 Posts
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    kingfisherblue
    • #4
    • 6th Jan 19, 4:42 PM
    • #4
    • 6th Jan 19, 4:42 PM
    I can't help wityh the benefits side of things, but have you tried Freecycle or local Facebook freebie groups for the high chair, cot, etc? There are always baby items, including clothing, on our local sites (more on FB than on Freecycle). It would save you some money.
    • Jemima FuddleCup
    • By Jemima FuddleCup 6th Jan 19, 4:55 PM
    • 368 Posts
    • 707 Thanks
    Jemima FuddleCup
    • #5
    • 6th Jan 19, 4:55 PM
    • #5
    • 6th Jan 19, 4:55 PM
    How old is the eldest daughter? Is she still a child/dependent herself?
    • teabag29
    • By teabag29 6th Jan 19, 5:23 PM
    • 1,874 Posts
    • 2,871 Thanks
    teabag29
    • #6
    • 6th Jan 19, 5:23 PM
    • #6
    • 6th Jan 19, 5:23 PM
    Eldest daughter is 20 but mentally a lot younger with many different diagnosis. She is on high rate pip for her mental health but she won’t help me, she’s very angry with me right now as I’m able to look after her child and she isn’t (although it’s on a voluntary agreement they’ve made it clear if she tries to take him they’ll put an emergency order on to remove him from her so she didn’t have much choice).
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 6th Jan 19, 6:08 PM
    • 5,524 Posts
    • 6,831 Thanks
    theoretica
    • #7
    • 6th Jan 19, 6:08 PM
    • #7
    • 6th Jan 19, 6:08 PM
    This page says that child benefit can be claimed by whoever the child is living with, but not if a fostering allowance is being paid.

    https://www.grandparentsplus.org.uk/benefits-for-children
    And it can be backdated for up to 3 months https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit/how-to-claim
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 6th Jan 19, 6:36 PM
    • 7,138 Posts
    • 42,237 Thanks
    determined new ms
    • #8
    • 6th Jan 19, 6:36 PM
    • #8
    • 6th Jan 19, 6:36 PM
    Eldest daughter is 20 but mentally a lot younger with many different diagnosis. She is on high rate pip for her mental health but she wonít help me, sheís very angry with me right now as Iím able to look after her child and she isnít (although itís on a voluntary agreement theyíve made it clear if she tries to take him theyíll put an emergency order on to remove him from her so she didnít have much choice).
    Originally posted by teabag29
    the situation will be so raw and painful for you all right now. I am a kinship carer and at the start there was so much hurt and anger. For a lot of people they aren't able to work with the birth parents and heal as a family. I felt incredibly angry that my daughter was letting her lo down, not turning up to contact, not helping financially (we weren't able to get child benefit until the court process as the birth parent has to give up the benefits in order for you to make a claim. This drove me insane with anger and on top of it all we were struggling with finances as suddenly we had to pay £1k a month in childcare costs)

    However we were able to work through the difficulties and we are in a good place, contact is regular, we are all sensitive to the fact that this is a painful situation for everyone. But it really does take time
    DF as at 30/12/16
    Wombling 2017 £3016.55/Roadkill £8.73
    Wombling 2018 £145.73/RK £0.04
    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 6th Jan 19, 6:39 PM
    • 7,138 Posts
    • 42,237 Thanks
    determined new ms
    • #9
    • 6th Jan 19, 6:39 PM
    • #9
    • 6th Jan 19, 6:39 PM
    This page says that child benefit can be claimed by whoever the child is living with, but not if a fostering allowance is being paid.

    https://www.grandparentsplus.org.uk/benefits-for-children
    And it can be backdated for up to 3 months

    https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit/how-to-claim
    Originally posted by theoretica
    it can't be backdated if a parent is already claiming it. In the end we got the SW to write a letter stating she had lived with us since (date) after that it was processed within a week or so but the months she had been living with us but my dd had been receiving it we didn't. It was still being paid just not being used for it's intended purpose. They won't pay for the one child twice
    DF as at 30/12/16
    Wombling 2017 £3016.55/Roadkill £8.73
    Wombling 2018 £145.73/RK £0.04
    • teabag29
    • By teabag29 6th Jan 19, 6:46 PM
    • 1,874 Posts
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    teabag29
    the situation will be so raw and painful for you all right now. I am a kinship carer and at the start there was so much hurt and anger. For a lot of people they aren't able to work with the birth parents and heal as a family. I felt incredibly angry that my daughter was letting her lo down, not turning up to contact, not helping financially (we weren't able to get child benefit until the court process as the birth parent has to give up the benefits in order for you to make a claim. This drove me insane with anger and on top of it all we were struggling with finances as suddenly we had to pay £1k a month in childcare costs)

    However we were able to work through the difficulties and we are in a good place, contact is regular, we are all sensitive to the fact that this is a painful situation for everyone. But it really does take time
    Originally posted by determined new ms
    I can relate to so much of that. Daughter is still claiming CB but not spending it on the baby which obviously angers me and sheís cancelling contact left right and centre.
    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 6th Jan 19, 6:53 PM
    • 7,138 Posts
    • 42,237 Thanks
    determined new ms
    I can relate to so much of that. Daughter is still claiming CB but not spending it on the baby which obviously angers me and sheís cancelling contact left right and centre.
    Originally posted by teabag29
    My daughter can be very honest and insightful at times, and there would be moments where she would say it wasn't because she didn't care, or didn't think about her dd, but that it was too painful to end contact. To walk away knowing her dd was staying with us. It was painful for her to see us being the child's parents and her child living the life she wanted (to be back with her mum). It helped me to have some compassion for her to know this. However really firm boundaries need to be in place. I got to the point where I would wait for 15 minutes at arranged contact point and if she didn't turn up I would leave and then she would have to wait until the next session. It all took such a lot of give and take, anger expressed unhealthily until we were able to get to a place where we could talk about conflict in a healthy way. 4 1/2 years down the line things are so much better
    DF as at 30/12/16
    Wombling 2017 £3016.55/Roadkill £8.73
    Wombling 2018 £145.73/RK £0.04
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 6th Jan 19, 6:54 PM
    • 30,239 Posts
    • 77,704 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Heís now outgrown his clothes and needs the next size up and his bouncer chair is dangerously too small. He needs a cot and soon a high chair as well as nappies milk etc.
    Originally posted by teabag29
    It's a very difficult situation - I know a couple of grandparents who have had to raise their grandchildren and it's not an easy life.

    Don't try to get all new stuff for him - there is plenty of good quality baby/toddler stuff going cheap or even for free - look on the Freegle sites and Facebook selling pages for your area as well as the charity shops.
    • dawyldthing
    • By dawyldthing 6th Jan 19, 7:02 PM
    • 3,278 Posts
    • 3,244 Thanks
    dawyldthing
    You can get some good offers on eBay, esp the local deals

    https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/local-ebay-deals/

    Even more so with bundles of clothes. I got 20 items for less than a tenner including postage. Takes a bit of time as some go bidding mad, but if your patient it’s worth the time
    roll on 27th April 2019 or there abouts *26 done* = *14 to go*
    • Chooser
    • By Chooser 6th Jan 19, 8:27 PM
    • 27 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    Chooser
    'especially now I’ve lost around £800 a month being out on universal credit.'

    I saw your post earlier, when I saw how many threads you'd started I read back over a few years. You have certainly had a hell of a time with this girl! And I do not envy you your life. As far as I can see you've never worked and you've had six children. Just as a matter of interest, for those of us not familiar with the benefits lifestyle, how much were you getting before you dropped £800/ month?
    • teabag29
    • By teabag29 6th Jan 19, 9:20 PM
    • 1,874 Posts
    • 2,871 Thanks
    teabag29
    'especially now Iíve lost around £800 a month being out on universal credit.'

    I saw your post earlier, when I saw how many threads you'd started I read back over a few years. You have certainly had a hell of a time with this girl! And I do not envy you your life. As far as I can see you've never worked and you've had six children. Just as a matter of interest, for those of us not familiar with the benefits lifestyle, how much were you getting before you dropped £800/ month?
    Originally posted by Chooser
    You seem to know my life very well however youíre wrong, firstly I have 5 children not 6 and a degree. Iíve worked most of my life (including for youth offending team and in court) whether it be part time whilst studying or around childcare or full time before the children. My eldest daughter had severe mental health and has been very hard, after she left home a few years ago (into specialist care) I was diagnosed with MS and other health problems. As for my finances I donít see how thatís your business but a lot of it WAS made up of disability premiums as I and my son have disabilities. Didnít ask advice to be judged by someone who has made their opinion of me who has never even met me. Think yourself lucky for your life, not everyone has been dealt the same hand and I would trade my Illness in a flash to go back to work this is not a preference!
    • Chooser
    • By Chooser 6th Jan 19, 9:39 PM
    • 27 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    Chooser
    If you post details of your family and your life on the internet presumably you expect people to read all about it. I have read it ( quiet afternoon) and I know what a tough time you've had with your daughter, would not wish this on anyone. Or illness, obviously. However my question was how much were you entitled to before you 'lost' £800/ month? This is a genuine question.
    • teabag29
    • By teabag29 6th Jan 19, 10:14 PM
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    teabag29
    What does that have to do with this post? I was (Between benefits and disability premiums) on around £400 a week (family of 5, 3 disabled people) We are now on £920 a month but has absolutely nothing to do with the post and the advice I asked for
    • teabag29
    • By teabag29 6th Jan 19, 10:31 PM
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    teabag29
    ' for those of us not familiar with the benefits lifestyle
    Originally posted by Chooser
    This sentence alone speaks volumes on your judgement, itís not a life style, there are no fancy holidays and none of us can afford to drive. The lifestyle you talk of consists of coping with a mentally ill young woman who regularly feels suicidal due to not fitting in society and a little boy with development delay that needs help with every area of his life and has regular melt downs when faced with sensory overload and too many people. A mother who suffers nerve pain daily and aching muscles so bad that even brushing her hair some days can leave her in tears but she can nolonger afford massage therapy, not to mention the overwhelming fatigue doing the most simple of tasks and pain when walking that means I can only leave the house if I can afford a taxi or deal with days/weeks of pain .... thatís without even taking into account my other health issues (tumours, thyroid, heart). You seem to have it in your head that because I claim benefits Iím living some sort of nice life style, your very wrong. I canít remember the last time I went out socially or bought myself anything nice. And as for not working anymore.... come spend s day in my shoes, youíll see my job is a lot harder and longer than any 9-5 paid employment. Donít judge, not everyone on benefits are on them to fund some sort of life style you talk of or because theyíre lazy. Itís hard enough being stuck in this position without people making judgements that youíre in it for financial reasons or laziness. This is far from the life style I want for myself or my children
    • Chooser
    • By Chooser 6th Jan 19, 10:39 PM
    • 27 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    Chooser
    Just having a bit of trouble with the arithmetic ( no degree!) but £400 x 4 = £1600/month, less £800 = ....£920? Still not bad. Good luck with it all.
    • teabag29
    • By teabag29 6th Jan 19, 10:47 PM
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    teabag29
    There are more than 4 weeks in a month... 4 and a half... UC is paid monthly so my old monthly allowance was around £1700/1800 so I’m around £800 down however I still don’t see why your asking about my finances or making judgements, this post was about me asking advice regarding my grandson
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