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  • FIRST POST
    • SandraX
    • By SandraX 28th Nov 18, 12:19 PM
    • 766Posts
    • 489Thanks
    SandraX
    Your biggest regret
    • #1
    • 28th Nov 18, 12:19 PM
    Your biggest regret 28th Nov 18 at 12:19 PM
    I have two on equal footing.
    1. Looking at my ex-husbands' phone. (Saw my husbands messages, sexy/flirty ones, got me suspicious, dug and dug deeper and found out my he was deceiving me and he then left me - so regretted looking at his mobile)

    2. Sharing a secret with a friend/work bout my one mistake ie a criminal record, ie assault.
    (I was provoked by my sisters' ex so I slapped him and he called the police) My pretend friend
    shared this secret with another, they told personnel and I lost my job as a cleaner in a hospital for not disclosing the truth.

    What regret/s do you have?
Page 2
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 28th Nov 18, 3:54 PM
    • 21,758 Posts
    • 58,890 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Very sad poster.
    Originally posted by SandraX
    Aw, hun.
    Sorry to have upset you.



    But the part about keeping a secret is true and may be worth keeping in mind.
    • Rubik
    • By Rubik 28th Nov 18, 4:21 PM
    • 298 Posts
    • 623 Thanks
    Rubik
    Regrets? I've had a few. My main one I guess was spending far too much time when I was younger (20s and 30s) worrying about what other people thought of me.
    • SuperPikachu
    • By SuperPikachu 28th Nov 18, 4:30 PM
    • 263 Posts
    • 466 Thanks
    SuperPikachu
    Mine was being the quickest sperm.

    But being serious I (as down as I get) try not to dwell on "regrets" - it is incredibly unhealthy for somebody with my mindset and thought patterns.
    "Wild Pikachu appeared!"
    • SSDD23
    • By SSDD23 28th Nov 18, 4:34 PM
    • 682 Posts
    • 1,899 Thanks
    SSDD23
    I am both an introvert and shy (they are different things) and probably about twice your age.

    I have a handful of close friends (at the "would invite to my wedding if I ever have one and make sure the date is one they could attend" threshold) and rather more accquaintances. One from secondary school, one a former work colleague that left our company seven or eight years ago, one from a hobby, one from my time online gaming 15 years ago (Everquest) and one that was initially a friend of hers, but is now simply another of my friends.

    All of them I see very occasionally (introvert - socializing is really tiring so I have to restrict it), I don't have this regular social group that some people have. I accumulate friends very slowly, when I was mid twenties I'd met exactly one of the people listed above.

    So, don't despair, you have time yet.

    Oh and of the five people I listed above, three are women (I'm not). Some people find that odd.
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    That gives me a little hope - I've only ever had work friends and lost touch after leaving places, and I now work by myself so feel very isolated, not having the old work friends anymore.

    Once I get back running I think I will feel better as I'm part of a club, but the thought of trying to make any friends as an adult is daunting - where and how mostly!
    "The harder you work for something, the greater you’ll feel when you achieve it"
    • Rubik
    • By Rubik 28th Nov 18, 4:49 PM
    • 298 Posts
    • 623 Thanks
    Rubik
    That gives me a little hope - I've only ever had work friends and lost touch after leaving places, and I now work by myself so feel very isolated, not having the old work friends anymore.

    Once I get back running I think I will feel better as I'm part of a club, but the thought of trying to make any friends as an adult is daunting - where and how mostly!
    Originally posted by SSDD23
    You are not alone - I'm in my late 40s and have always struggled to make - and keep - friends. It can take me a long time to remove the barriers and let people in. Like Onomatopoeia, I'm an introvert and being around people can be exhausting (even people I like), and my social anxeity can kick off big time. I've found volunteering helpful - the place where I volunteer is an experimental archaeology farm/settlement and I can learn new skills from very interesting like-minded people. Equally, I can do things on my own such as crafts which I enjoy anyway. We are all a bit odd, so my oddness and introvertness isn't a problem (in fact it's readily accepted without any issue).

    Would volunteering be an option for you to meet people?

    Some people don't need lots of friends, some like to be friends with everyone and anybody (my sister is one such person - how she keeps up with everyone I've no idea!).
    • ognum
    • By ognum 28th Nov 18, 4:51 PM
    • 4,664 Posts
    • 7,608 Thanks
    ognum
    If you bother to read my post you;d noted that it was before my employment.
    But don't worry as I've met people like you before.
    Originally posted by SandraX
    Where does it say it was before your employment?
    • candygirl
    • By candygirl 28th Nov 18, 4:57 PM
    • 27,244 Posts
    • 115,572 Thanks
    candygirl
    If i'd listened to my Mum i'd still be with my first husband.... never in a million years!
    Originally posted by Organza_Lace
    If I'd listened to mine, I'd have never been with my 1st Hubby
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004)
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 28th Nov 18, 5:00 PM
    • 17,561 Posts
    • 49,177 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    I can't argue with this ^^^^.


    The OP's 2nd regret shouldn't be about sharing a secret but about lying to HR.


    Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    I think we all can think of times where we've made an error of judgement and shared a secret with a Blabber (not realising that they were one). Most of the time the Blabber just causes us some embarrassment and doesn't alter the course of our lives with their blabbing.

    I guess one can only be thankful if we've had a Blabber episode or two that only resulted in embarrassment before we shared something "Really Big" with someone and we've therefore realised how many people are untrustworthy in time before we shared anything "Really Big" and therefore haven't done so.
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 28th Nov 18, 5:07 PM
    • 17,561 Posts
    • 49,177 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    You are lucky in a sense as i have met people that decide to have none and regretted it.
    Originally posted by SandraX
    Waves in greeting - as someone who decided never to have any children (no matter what the circumstances) and is only too pleased that I never did have any. I've literally never had one single moment of regret - and I'm now in my 60's

    I'm very pleased I didn't want any.
    • Sammie36
    • By Sammie36 28th Nov 18, 5:11 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 128 Thanks
    Sammie36
    Not telling my partner how much he meant to me every day. He died suddenly 9 weeks ago and I'm really struggling with this.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 28th Nov 18, 5:24 PM
    • 4,073 Posts
    • 10,994 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel
    Very sad poster.
    Originally posted by SandraX
    Have we got Donald Trump posting?
    • candygirl
    • By candygirl 28th Nov 18, 5:26 PM
    • 27,244 Posts
    • 115,572 Thanks
    candygirl
    Not telling my partner how much he meant to me every day. He died suddenly 9 weeks ago and I'm really struggling with this.
    Originally posted by Sammie36
    I'm so sorry hun .I'm sure he knew
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004)
    • SandraX
    • By SandraX 28th Nov 18, 6:00 PM
    • 766 Posts
    • 489 Thanks
    SandraX
    Not telling my partner how much he meant to me every day. He died suddenly 9 weeks ago and I'm really struggling with this.
    Originally posted by Sammie36
    Very sorry re your loss.

    Having thought about your post I can easily adding as regrets not telling my mum, dad and brother how much I loved them as they have all passed away.

    Most of us take too much for granted.

    Thanks for sharing
    • SandraX
    • By SandraX 28th Nov 18, 6:01 PM
    • 766 Posts
    • 489 Thanks
    SandraX
    I'm so sorry hun .I'm sure he knew
    Originally posted by candygirl
    Good point, thanks.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 28th Nov 18, 6:08 PM
    • 25,813 Posts
    • 68,285 Thanks
    pollypenny
    I regret being hopeless at keeping in touch with friends.

    I have very few long-term friends.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • MrAPJI
    • By MrAPJI 28th Nov 18, 6:20 PM
    • 99 Posts
    • 1,277 Thanks
    MrAPJI
    Not telling my partner how much he meant to me every day. He died suddenly 9 weeks ago and I'm really struggling with this.
    Originally posted by Sammie36

    So sorry to hear this Sammie. I lost my wife very suddenly and so I understand your struggle. There's a widows' thread (widowers also welcome) that will give support if you ever feel the need to talk with others who have been through the same. Here's a link :https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5783313.
    Meanwhile, take each day at a time. I wish you all the best
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 28th Nov 18, 7:24 PM
    • 21,758 Posts
    • 58,890 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Not telling my partner how much he meant to me every day. He died suddenly 9 weeks ago and I'm really struggling with this.
    Originally posted by Sammie36
    So sorry you feel so bad.
    But I'm sure - as candygirl says - he knew.

    Do you have support from other family and friends?
    Do you have help in dealing with the myriad of 'stuff' that has to be done?
    Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn (and sorry to the OP for hijacking the thread).

    I see you have a thread going.
    There's a long running thread on the Old Style board that you might find supportive.


    ETA - the link to the thread is provided in reply #38. I missed it.
    Last edited by Pollycat; 29-11-2018 at 9:52 AM.
    • Mr Costcutter
    • By Mr Costcutter 28th Nov 18, 7:32 PM
    • 366 Posts
    • 1,048 Thanks
    Mr Costcutter
    Not managing to achieve a good work/life balance and ending up with a number of strokes. Wish I had listened to both my wife and doctor.
    • ManofLeisure
    • By ManofLeisure 28th Nov 18, 7:44 PM
    • 499 Posts
    • 1,260 Thanks
    ManofLeisure
    the place where I volunteer is an experimental archaeology farm/settlement and I can learn new skills from very interesting like-minded people. .
    Originally posted by Rubik

    Sounds fascinating and something which I wouldn't mind doing - will have to look into it
    • Ilona
    • By Ilona 28th Nov 18, 8:16 PM
    • 2,300 Posts
    • 8,066 Thanks
    Ilona
    I've made a few mistakes, but they made me who I am. I don't regret anything.

    ilona
    I love skip diving.
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