Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Marges
    • By Marges 30th Dec 18, 7:01 PM
    • 22Posts
    • 10Thanks
    Marges
    Fake marriage
    • #1
    • 30th Dec 18, 7:01 PM
    Fake marriage 30th Dec 18 at 7:01 PM
    32 year marriage, 3 grown kids (1 at home). OH was made redundant 3.5 years ago, he has now turned 60 and has given up any pretence that he might consider looking for work, no discussion. We have never had a joint account, his decision when we married, he wanted to pay mortgage and council tax and told me to pay the rest, I guess in his mind it meant the property was his although of course it's not. We have moved house twice but not had a mortgage for 10 years, partly due to inheritances on his side. We have both worked all the way through but I did a few years p/t when the kids were pre-school. He never contributed to child care costs, kids clothes, presents etc. Now he's not working he's No1 dad, DIY, waiting in for deliveries etc. in their homes.

    We have no "couples" friends, only individual because he knows what other people think of him. We used to see his school friends with wives but now he sees them a couple of times a year on their own.

    Is it worth calling it quits and trying to enjoy what's left of life although I know my kids would blame me?
Page 4
    • missile
    • By missile 4th Jan 19, 4:02 PM
    • 9,895 Posts
    • 4,998 Thanks
    missile
    My suggestion? Find out what it would be like on your own - by booking a holiday on your own, in a place that he does not want to go. Tell your children that you have always wanted to go there, but as father doesn't want to go, you will go on your own - before it is too late.
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    Sounds like an excellent trial separation by any other name.

    If you are not happy, you need to decide what will make you happy and make a plan to achieve this.. It's a new year, make 2019 the year you do what is best for you :-) life is too short to be restricted by what kids friends and family will think.

    Have you tried marriage guidance? If he will not participate see a councillor on your own.

    https://www.relate.org.uk/
    "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members." ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Ride hard or stay home
    • ManofLeisure
    • By ManofLeisure 4th Jan 19, 5:27 PM
    • 495 Posts
    • 1,226 Thanks
    ManofLeisure

    Is it worth calling it quits and trying to enjoy what's left of life although I know my kids would blame me?
    Originally posted by Marges

    I'm afraid this is a question only you can answer.
    • username12345678
    • By username12345678 12th Jan 19, 3:54 AM
    • 251 Posts
    • 137 Thanks
    username12345678
    Maybe take a little bit of time to reflect about whether your feelings are cumulative low-level annoyances or whether they a founded on something much deeper.

    It seems a shame to throw away so many years of marriage on what seems to be the tribulations any long relationship would face.

    As an aside, we have divorced friends in their 40s and 50s and the dating scene for women in that age bracket can be, shall we say, 'very challenging'.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

158Posts Today

1,597Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • This probably (who knows) makes it both more likely we'll remain in the EU via a 2nd referendum and more likely we'? https://t.co/GrNV48E1jS

  • Instant aftermath poll: After a defeat by over 230 votes on a flagship issue (Brexit) should Theresa May resign?

  • Wow losing by over 200. That's not defeat it's obliteration. Has there ever been a time before when a PM could lo? https://t.co/i0sVwL9P9P

  • Follow Martin