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    • Jo3y83
    • By Jo3y83 10th Jan 19, 1:47 PM
    • 123Posts
    • 242Thanks
    Age Gap Relationships
    • #1
    • 10th Jan 19, 1:47 PM
    Age Gap Relationships 10th Jan 19 at 1:47 PM
    My partner and I have been a couple for almost 2 years. We've known each other for around 10 years as we work for the same company and formed a firm friendship during those years. Since my marriage broke down and he was long-term separated we decided to give a relationship a try.
    I have no regrets about this but as there is a 16 year age gap between us (I'm almost 36 and he is 51). I've noticed there seems to be quite a bit of non-verbal and verbal judgement, which I've found a little hard to deal with. We often receive strange looks from an older generation and comments towards him, such as "you're punching above your weight". It can be quite upsetting.

    My parents have 13 years between them so I grew up not judging such relationships but I feel this is not the case for others.
    I have no children and he has a 20 year old son, who has completely accepted me and we've become mates.

    Has anyone else in an age gap relationship had similar findings? I want to find a way to care less about what people think and I feel a little alone in that respect.
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    • Jo3y83
    • By Jo3y83 11th Jan 19, 4:16 PM
    • 123 Posts
    • 242 Thanks
    Thank you all so much! My confidence has grown after reading all your stories and age-gap relationship advice

    Love has no boundaries - amen to that
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    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 11th Jan 19, 5:37 PM
    • 15,510 Posts
    • 21,545 Thanks
    Thank you My partner couldn't care less about the comments. He's aware of some of them as some 'friends' have said to his face (when he's introduced me to them) "top batting, you're punching above your weight". I really don't like it as I feel it's hurtful but he is not interested in other's comments. He considers himself lucky to be with me and he's happy.
    Originally posted by Jo3y83
    You do realise that they are paying him a compliment? It's not something likely to upset a man. Quite the opposite.

    It could be worse.

    {Edited by Forum Team}
    Last edited by MSE Tine; 14-01-2019 at 10:31 AM. Reason: {Edited by Forum Team}
    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. - Mark Twain
    • clairec79
    • By clairec79 11th Jan 19, 9:09 PM
    • 2,438 Posts
    • 6,384 Thanks
    I'm not sure of the age gap between my SIL and her husband but I suspect it it greater than yours

    Only time it's ever been a joking point or any comments thoughts made about the age gap was when he became a grandfather - and that was more to wind her up at becoming at grandmother at 31
    • Mrs_Ryan
    • By Mrs_Ryan 14th Jan 19, 2:19 AM
    • 10,760 Posts
    • 20,397 Thanks
    My OH is 9 years older than me. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. When we first got together though I had just turned 25 and he later told me 25 was his absolute lower limit as he was 36. I was literally a week past being 25 when we met When I first met his dad and stepmum OH told me later his dad had asked how old I was because he thought I was a lot younger than I was
    As for the poster who put how do you think a 19 year old would feel about having a 70 year Dad- my Dad was nearly 60 when I was 19. I love my dad and I love the fact that he was incredibly wise and had all that life experience to help me when I was just starting in adult life. I remember my history teacher teaching us about the Second World War and telling us to ‘ask your grandparents as none of your parents will be anywhere near old enough to remember’ and him being gobsmacked when I said actually my dad was born in 1941 and he does remember the war!
    Very proud to be Open University BA (Hons) English Lang and Lit Graduate! MA English De Montfort Uni 2018- PASSED WITH MERIT!! Round 2 OU started 06/10- BSc Combined STEM, Year 1 E117 and DE100.
    Got Engaged 02/10/2018
    Miss you JV and TW
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 14th Jan 19, 3:12 AM
    • 31,661 Posts
    • 61,563 Thanks
    My son is 8.5 years older than his partner. He is 39 and she is 31, but they got together when she was 19 and he was 27. It has never been a problem.
    Member #10 of 2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 14th Jan 19, 4:01 AM
    • 34,069 Posts
    • 20,651 Thanks
    We have a gap but most people get it the wrong way round.

    The health side has been covered but for the healthy it is about work life balance as you get older and approach retirement.

    It can help a lot if you can plan(finances permitting) to make that gap smaller, the older works a bit longer(maybe part time) and the younger finishes a bit earlier or starts to wind down to free up more time as well.

    If that planning is not done you increase the risk that health will overtake.
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