The Edcawber Principle

wishingthemortgaheaway · 12 June 2018 at 6:08AM

What a great list Alex, take out the land rover related tasks, and many of those we do with the Pickle too. NT memebership is also used extensively and we've found soooo many parks within a short distance of our house which we visit. There's also something called 'rock hunting' that's becoming really popular. Go into your local park and
Find a painted rock, pick it up, there's usually a fb group tag written on the back that you can share the 'finding' of your rock with. Then you reside it somewhere else. Fun can also be had painting rocks to hide, my little ones is still a bit young for it, but when he gets older we'll look at joining in.

SuperSecretSquirrel · 12 June 2018 at 8:35AM

I paid over 6k off my card balances in April Ed, my score didn't twitch until June. Your £900 may well have an effect yet

As for daddy only days, I tend to have two a week, and I'm quite glad to see this conversation here. I have been known to worry that between having to juggle the two hours at school in the morning, the baby's afternoon nap, the rigid mealtimes, and sometimes the occasional errand or bit of housework, that those days aren't particularly fun for our eldest. However, I've come to realise that it's all fun at their age. Sure the zoo, park, softplay, playground, funfair, swimming, sandpit, football, etc is awesome fun, but so is baking with dad, helping him with the shopping, or the gardening, colouring in together, practicing sums, learning to read, watching the a film when the weather is miserable, drying the dishes I wash, or even just having conversations together etc. I've even noticed an independent streak where our four year old will occasionally choose to spend time alone with some books or toys, just for a short while, but I think it's a good thing. Lord knows I always had my nose in a book from a very young age, and it has certainly done me no harm.

OH found it quite amusing when I originally voiced my concerns that maybe our eldest found the days alone with me and their sibling to be boring. OH got past that a loooong time ago thanks to two years of maternity leave. Basically life is quite boring in general, laundry needs to be dealt with, shopping needs to be handled, diy tasks to do, etc. The children love spending time with us, the actual activity is often of little relevance

I do feel our children are quite lucky to have time with both parents individually, and all together at weekends. I've come to realise that sure, the weekend days might be a little better, but that's down to two of their favourite big people being around, not just one. Plus the fact that we tend to keep the more obviously fun days out and activities for when we can enjoy them as a whole family. If I'm totally honest, maybe I prefer the weekend as with OH on hand it becomes almost effortless to look after and entertain the children. I'm not ashamed of that as it goes both ways, having me on hand makes life easier for OH too!

Thanks for the rock hunt idea WTMA! Easter egg hunts go down a storm here, as do those create and paint plaster model sets. The painted rock hunt combines the essential elements of both, and makes for a very cheap couple of activities. Will definitely be giving it a try soon

SuperSecretSquirrel · 12 June 2018 at 8:45AM

Forgot to add: I think it's good for young children to get a feel for "real life" early on. They know where their food comes from (our huge animal lover is not in the least bit squeamish...) But they also understand the basics of running a home.

I guess it's no surprise that alongside the footballs and bubble wands and lego we have toy shopping trolleys, a kitchen set, gardening tools, dustpan and brush, etc

edinburgher · 12 June 2018 at 10:11AM

What a great bunch you are - I am sitting here nodding along furiously to everything that has been written.

I love all of Alex's "country" list - the only thing we really have similar in the city would be "forest playgroup" or similar, which is essentially these sorts of activities hosted by hipsters in one of our many splendid parks. DD does love nature - whether it's picking flowers; hiding behind trees or sitting patiently watching goldfish flit around a pond

I was (dimly) aware of rock hunting, that does sound fun!

SSS, nice to hear someone else admit to liking parenting support from their spouse! I think part of the problem just now is that DD is a little prone to demanding milk on the couch and wanting to watch Youtub3 Kids unless we're taking part in "an activity". You are entirely right, however, that she's not at all selective as to what said activity is. She's as happy helping me dump chopped vegetables into a salad bowl as she is going to the play park! I think that I will need to work hard not to parent around her, but to get her involved in the very things that are awkward to complete if I'm trying to do them myself while looking after her.

Still, what I wouldn't give for half an hour of independent (not screen based) play!

DD enjoys the sorts of real life toys you mention and we're lucky in that MIL encourages her with pretend surface wiping, "tidying up" etc.

When it comes to parenting, I'm aware of two negative impulses that push me to do things in a certain way. The first is the fact that my parents divorced when I was fairly young and I never spent a lot of time with my Dad (before or after the divorce). This leads to me overcompensating and I think is probably the root of me finding it difficult to just "be" with the little one. Maybe I should just relax a little :coffee:

The second, which is equally pervasive is the fact that I grew up in a household of seven and it felt like we were only just scraping by. As a result, I find it all too easy to pay for children's activities or a little toy here or there, because in my mind it's all small beer vs. the big expenses in our lives. What I'm not taking account of, however, is the risk of ending up with an entitled child :think:

It's a difficult balance to strike, this parenting lark! :eek:

AlexLK · 12 June 2018 at 11:37PM

I think most children love nature, Ed.

I was rather badly trying to illustrate you don't need to spend money and for a child of that age; simple things are just as fun.

Never heard of rock hunting but my son would like it.

Will see if we can find any the next time we go into one of the local towns, thank you.

I would love to be in a position of having parenting support from my wife. At best it's akin to having two children and at worse she will avoid coming home for days. She cares about him in her own way, at least.

On another note, why has your daughter access to youtube? :eek:

Can understand how our own upbringing can make us question our own parenting style. My parents were seldom "there" which led me to also overcompensate for that. Only just realising (between the feelings of guilt

) that it's OK not to be "there" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I have strong views against corporal punishment as a method to discipline due to my upbringing. Contrary to your views re. spoiling

your child, I am very aware of giving in to my son's material requests. He must think we are absolutely dirt poor the amount of times I've said I don't think we can afford to buy him something he wants but if he works to earn half the cost (only helping cousin with the horses, or helping me to wash cars etc.) I think we could stretch to half...

Nothing like that from my childhood, I was materially very spoilt but the first time I can remember my parents actively taking time from their day to look after me I was in my late-twenties having just come out of hospital.

We can only do our best.

beanielou · 13 June 2018 at 9:43AM

Yes, we all muddle through by doing out best

edinburgher · 25 June 2018 at 11:26AM

I am feeling pleased with myself as I paid my entire 13th wage off a CC (£1550 down) :j

While there is still a long way to go, this takes me under 50% credit utilisation in total and means that I'm only £1200 away from each of my 4 credit cards with a balance being under 60% utilised.

I think this means that I'm now ahead of schedule as regards transferring the balance next May and that I should be considered a good risk by most banks for 0% transfers

We did spend £220 on some patio furniture, but this was paid for by reducing other expenses, not delaying this payment towards debts.

For the first time in a long time I am not actively panicking about our level of debt. It is a formidable foe to be dispatched as a matter of urgency, but I am no longer worried that the banks will "call in" our accounts

Suffolk_lass · 25 June 2018 at 5:33PM

Well that is an awesome little post Ed - tremendous progress and a huge sense of relief, I imagine.

I feel sure you will already have been on the MSE credit checker to see if you would be accepted and have already got all your CCs on 0% interest deals but nevertheless, really good debt reduction ratio. Well done!

beanielou · 25 June 2018 at 8:44PM

Wow, that is awesome :j :j :j :T :T
So pleased for you.

edinburgher · 26 June 2018 at 8:42AM

Thanks Both

@SL - all of the cards are on 0% offers, but are due to be moved at the beginning of May 2019. Unfortunately my new MSE Credit Club report will be generated today, but I'm sure I'll see the benefit next month.

The Edcawber Principle

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