Getting over my ex

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  • gonzo127
    gonzo127 Posts: 4,482 Forumite
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    hazyjo wrote: »
    There was nothing wrong with your advice, Gonzo. Sorry to hear you're having a hard time getting over your ex. If love is unrequited, it can be very painful - but it's never going to work and isn't right if one doesn't feel the same way. Try to remember that can only mean that you've not found THE ONE yet and they're still out there. You may not find them tomorrow or this year, but hopefully your paths will cross soon.


    Your ex is an ex - and can meet new people. Remember, she made the decision which probably took a while so she's had far longer to get over you. I don't see how you can be angry with her for looking for love still. I know it hurts though.


    Don't make any contact!!!!

    I am angry because I actually believed her when she said she didn't want a relationship with anyone. and she just wanted to be herself. and yet just a few weeks later she is already seeing other people.

    well I managed to hold back from messaging her at least. but I am still a total mess and didn't get more than a couple of hours sleep last night
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  • Money_maker
    Money_maker Posts: 5,471 Forumite
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    No messaging, keep your dignity. Don't give her the satisfaction. Be kind to yourself, she wasn't good enough for you x
    Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed. ;)

    If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'

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  • hazyjo
    hazyjo Posts: 15,470 Forumite
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    Agree with Money maker. My husband ran off with his secretary and the one thing I don't regret is holding my dignity (and not cutting all his clothes up into tiny pieces and posting posters all round the neighbourhood).


    Gonzo, you will go through many emotions - anger being one of them. It's hard believing things - but sometimes we say things when we think it's what people want to hear and think we're actually being kinder by saying them. Chances are there was a lot more to it - maybe some of which you've refused to hear during your relationship. Nothing she should have tried to change about you, sometimes we just fall out of love or something upsets or annoys us enough to leave that person. What's the point of 'onion peeling' and her telling you all the things she doesn't like about you and where your relationship has gone wrong. It's over which makes it an utterly pointless conversation. It's not a job interview, you don't need feedback, it'll just create rows and tears.


    Hold your head high, cry when you want to, but move on - and do as I said to Single Dad Still in #10! Block on EVERY social media platform and never go looking for her on sites.
    2023 wins: *must start comping again!*
  • gonzo127
    gonzo127 Posts: 4,482 Forumite
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    Money_maker wrote: »
    No messaging, keep your dignity. Don't give her the satisfaction. Be kind to yourself, she wasn't good enough for you x

    oh I am trying. boy am I trying at the moment. but just want to rage and get out all of my frustrations. but can't do it as I have my daughter this weekend and need to keep it together as much as I can.

    thankfully I am going to see my best friend this afternoon so hopefully she will beat some sense into me whilst our girls play together
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
  • Barny1979
    Barny1979 Posts: 7,921 Forumite
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    gonzo127 wrote: »
    think you probably need to ignore my advice as I have just found out my ex has set up a online dating profile only 5 weeks after she dumped me and I am so unbelievably hurt angry and upset so obviously I don't know !!!!!! I am talking about. as all I want to do is message her and tell her what I think right this moment

    I am so broken hearted I just want to curl up and die to just stop the pain
    How did you find out she was on a dating site?
  • gonzo127
    gonzo127 Posts: 4,482 Forumite
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    Barny1979 wrote: »
    How did you find out she was on a dating site?

    a friend who didn't know we had split up messaged me to asked what's happened. when I told him we had split I asked how he had found out and then told me he had seen her in pof
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
  • Barny1979
    Barny1979 Posts: 7,921 Forumite
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    gonzo127 wrote: »
    a friend who didn't know we had split up messaged me to asked what's happened. when I told him we had split I asked how he had found out and then told me he had seen her in pof
    Ah right, fair enough
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,024 Forumite
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    gonzo127 wrote: »
    I am angry because I actually believed her when she said she didn't want a relationship with anyone. and she just wanted to be herself. and yet just a few weeks later she is already seeing other people.
    Well, maybe she's changed her mind, but still doesn't want to come back to you. Sorry, but that's her right to choose (and sounds as if you're better off without her! Not that that helps ...)

    Or ...
    hazyjo wrote: »
    Gonzo, you will go through many emotions - anger being one of them. It's hard believing things - but sometimes we say things when we think it's what people want to hear and think we're actually being kinder by saying them. Chances are there was a lot more to it - maybe some of which you've refused to hear during your relationship. Nothing she should have tried to change about you, sometimes we just fall out of love or something upsets or annoys us enough to leave that person. What's the point of 'onion peeling' and her telling you all the things she doesn't like about you and where your relationship has gone wrong. It's over which makes it an utterly pointless conversation. It's not a job interview, you don't need feedback, it'll just create rows and tears.
    What she said!
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • gonzo127
    gonzo127 Posts: 4,482 Forumite
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    Savvy_Sue wrote: »
    Well, maybe she's changed her mind, but still doesn't want to come back to you. Sorry, but that's her right to choose (and sounds as if you're better off without her! Not that that helps ...)

    Or ...

    What she said!

    intellectually I know this. unfortunately emotionally I'm not there in the slightest still flitting between wanting her to hurt to wanting her to want me back and all that other stuff.

    I want to hate her but can't. in fact I am going into a spiral of hating myself because I can't move forward. and am just hurting.

    totally peed off with myself as I couldn't get out of my funk this afternoon and evening with my best friend and our kids. we even took all three girls bowling and I couldn't find any joy in it.

    also hate myself as I seem to have taken over someone else's thread.
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
  • hollydays
    hollydays Posts: 19,812 Forumite
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    edited 15 April 2018 at 11:28AM
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    benten69 wrote: »
    I wouldn't bother with that. Most doctors these days barely have 5 minutes to spend with you and in this situation will probably just prescribe an anti-depressant or something similar, and if you have ever read the side effects those things can have I would avoid them like the plague. I remember having some prescribed to me. Took one read of the leaflet inside the pack and threw them out, knowing they would probably be worse for me in the long run, and glad I did.

    As for the OP, the post above sums it up...time is the only healer, time is the only thing that will make you feel better. However filling your time with hobbies, friends, your kids, flirting with some new women (possibly more also) will certainly help the time pass by.

    My best advice though....DO NOT keep in touch with her! It will do nothing more then prolong the time you feel hurt and upset.

    I do not think your experience will necessarily be someone elses
    If someone was diagnosed with diabetes would you advise them not to take their meds because of side effects
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