Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

jaybee · 9 May 2018 at 3:48PM

Thank you kitty for your kind thoughts and poppy811 and itsanne too. I know that you have helped me through today.

I'm home again now and I feel as though a great weight has been lifted.

The Coroner was very kind and sensitive but it was rather gruelling hearing all the graphic descriptions and so on. Had H been a lot younger and a lot healthier overall he would still have only had a 15% chance of surviving his has surgery. I was especially pleased to be able to thank the consultants again. They thanked me too!!

Well, I can draw a line under that now and hopefully begin to move forward. Obviously I'll never forget but finally there are no more formalities to deal with.

jaybee · 9 May 2018 at 3:53PM

Thank you kitty for your kind thoughts and poppy811 and itsanne too. I know that you have helped me through today.

I'm home again now and I feel as though a great weight has been lifted.

The Coroner was very kind and sensitive but it was rather gruelling hearing all the graphic descriptions and so on. Had H been a lot younger and a lot healthier overall he would still have only had a 15% chance of surviving his last surgery. I was especially pleased to be able to thank the consultants again. They thanked me too!!

Well, I can draw a line under that now and hopefully begin to move forward. Obviously I'll never forget but finally there are no more formalities to deal with.

wort · 9 May 2018 at 5:10PM

Jaybee, I'm so glad it's out of the way now, for you, I was thinking of you and hope it's given you a little peace. Xxx

wort · 9 May 2018 at 5:24PM

Kittie, I think you have a point, I hadn't realised what it was but not having a purpose anymore hits home for me, all this busyness and filling our time I feel like I am waiting for something but don't know what.
On Monday I sat outside to eat my tea, but there was no pleasure in it, on my own. I could hear the couple next door and I felt upset, I'm 54 years old and I feel there's nothing left anymore.
Tomorrow will be 12 months since we set off on holiday for 2 weeks , that ended in being flown home after a week and my love going into hospital, where has that year gone? I still can't believe I'm talking about my life, I feel a fraud, that it's not me I'm talking about,how can this be my life now?
A full nights sleep would be great, my menopause seems to have been ratched up,since my bereavement .
Sorry, I don't mean to pull you down, smiley face back on now, I'm about to gout in a couple of hours, if only people knew what happened behind our doors. Much love all X

[Deleted User] · 9 May 2018 at 6:03PM

oh jaybee, really you need a GnT, a kind of ceremony to make a demarkation between the last few months and your life going forward. That must be a very heavy weight lifted from you and you can allow yourself a little smile

Wort I read on another thread that you aren`t sleeping too well and I read that you are liking fruit and nut chocolate in the evening. The caffeine in chocolate has a half life of up to 5 hours and that is why I eat any chocolate by mid-day. There is also something else with chocolate and it can trigger acid reflux and gerd and I mean silent gerd, the one we don`t know we have but it makes us wake up in the night, swallowing and maybe coughing. I get silent gerd and that is why my last meal is light and eaten by 5.30. I also keep gaviscon very handy upstairs and I take it if I feel any rumblings. It contains alginate which makes a good raft of bubbles to keep the acid down. Important not to take anything after alginate or it will make a hole in that protective raft. It took me years to work out why I was coughing in the night and it was evening chocolate giving me gerd plus the caffeine hit. I am so sorry you are in the menopause as well

jaybee · 9 May 2018 at 7:28PM

Thank you wort. I do feel a lot more at peace now that today is over.

Ah kittie! I have had a GnT this evening! I feel so much more relaxed and very tired. For once I am actually looking forward to going to bed tonight - I really feel that I shall be able to sleep rather better tonight. Don't worry - I didn't have that much gin!!!

From tomorrow I must really start to plan a better eating regime - I have been indulging in far too much comfort eating lately so that must stop.

wort · 10 May 2018 at 7:56AM

Kittie I will bear that in mind, though that was only a couple of times recently as I don't generally eat much chocolate. Would the same apply to hot chocolate drink? Do you know?
It's definitely the hot flushes that wake me, and I'm desperately thirsty, I'm drinking water by the bottle at night..
Last night I woke at 3.30 with my back ,as stabbing pain, I've been having more back pain in last couple of months, I hate tablets so try not to take them, but did get up and rub ibuprofen gel on my back.
Then the dawn chorus started at 4.50, and even after I closed the window I could hear them.
I'm waiting for a hospital appointment for my neuromas in my foot, and have wondered if the worsening back pain is my body reacting to the foot pain!!! Holding myself differently without realising.
I'm working this morning so will need to stop myself from napping this afternoon when I get home.

Does anyone know how to turn back time? I've been wishing to do that constantly .xx

[Deleted User] · 10 May 2018 at 11:11AM

if it is one of those packet drinks then it is also the amount of sugar, could be that making you thirsty as well as pesky hormone changes. I would not say no to hrt if my symptoms were bad

Liz earle has a new book about menopause, I personally would have bought it for myself by now but I am done and dusted

I did buy it for a dd

you are absolutely right about holding yourself differently causing pain elsewhere. I hope you get sorted very quickly wort. In my day we all made hrt cake, it was like a brick but we all took a slice to work every day

humptydumptybits · 10 May 2018 at 11:56AM

wort wrote: »

Kittie I will bear that in mind, though that was only a couple of times recently as I don't generally eat much chocolate. Would the same apply to hot chocolate drink? Do you know?
It's definitely the hot flushes that wake me, and I'm desperately thirsty, I'm drinking water by the bottle at night..
Last night I woke at 3.30 with my back ,as stabbing pain, I've been having more back pain in last couple of months, I hate tablets so try not to take them, but did get up and rub ibuprofen gel on my back.
Then the dawn chorus started at 4.50, and even after I closed the window I could hear them.
I'm waiting for a hospital appointment for my neuromas in my foot, and have wondered if the worsening back pain is my body reacting to the foot pain!!! Holding myself differently without realising.
I'm working this morning so will need to stop myself from napping this afternoon when I get home.

Does anyone know how to turn back time? I've been wishing to do that constantly .xx

If you are drinking alot have you had a diabetes test? Extreme thirst can be an early sign and I think if you get it after a sugar hit it could be an early warning so you would have time to reverse things.

wort · 10 May 2018 at 2:04PM

I was tested for diabetes a couple of years back, but really think it's menopause, it's only since that kicked in I'm thirsty. Also it's flushes rather than sweats, as I don't sweat very much , even on holiday in extreme heat I just get those little blisters of heat sweat ,weird I know, it's like the sweat can't escape!
After today with my back I think I'm going g to see the Dr, and will mention it then.

Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

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