How to deal with a brother TAKEN over parents finances..
Comments
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You seem to have very detailed information about your parents finances.
Can you not take all this information back to the police, ask to speak to someone who deals with fraud.
Also take all this information to your social service, care of the elderly department, and ask if they can assist you in any way.
If you are willing to do these two things, and you are unable to get help for your parents, then you need to take a step back, and get on with living your life, in the knowledge you have done your best for your parents.0 -
The figures don't make sense. The minimum repayments for £140k of debt would be a lot more than £2,295 a month. Is it possible your brother is stoozing the money which is why there are dozens of different accounts?
Your parents are in their 60s now but they weren't when this all started. Your parents have chosen, most likely against the T&C of the banks involved, to give your brother full access to their accounts. Your mum doesn't want to hear it from you. She doesn't want to hear it from other family members. Meanwhile you're sat there wringing your hands about involving social services in case they don't make your parents a priority. One thing is for certain, social services won't do anything if they don't know about it.0 -
These are not elderly people, they are still working age!
They might be vulnerable for other reasons, but it isn't elder abuse surely?
OP, I'd take a step back, they are adults, you've warned them and you've offered to help them, now let them make their own mistakes, because to be honest I can't imagine for a second that they are actually being completely fooled here. I think there is something going on that you don't know about.0 -
He is not borrowing he is stealing and your parents are blind to it - sorry to be blunt.
As hard as it Is, you have tried everything, and let them get on with it and disown the brother.0 -
quote from the OP - I've been to the police (specifically the fraud team) and provided the statements with no further action. My mother was interviewed and claimed at the time she knew all about it and had allowed it - to prevent him getting into any trouble.
Stop. Just stop.
You can involve every department from the fraud squad, social services to flippin Hogwarts - if you mother says she knows what's going on and is happy for it to continue they will all pack up and go home.
What you have to change is YOU.
You have to realise things are not going to change - and live with it.
You have to understand that you can take a horse to water but you cant make it drink.
You need to work out what YOU will do when the house of cards falls down.
You need to realise banging you head against a brick wall is only going to hurt you.
As people have said before there is no helping people till they want to be helped - and your mother doesn't. She has shown you that on a number of occasions and to the authorities.
So stop.Please note I have a cognitive disability - as such my wording can be a bit off, muddled, misspelt or in some cases i can miss out some words totally...0 -
He is not borrowing he is stealing and your parents are blind to it - sorry to be blunt.
As hard as it Is, you have tried everything, and let them get on with it and disown the brother.
Both of these ^^^^ - with bells on.quote from the OP - I've been to the police (specifically the fraud team) and provided the statements with no further action. My mother was interviewed and claimed at the time she knew all about it and had allowed it - to prevent him getting into any trouble.
Stop. Just stop.
You can involve every department from the fraud squad, social services to flippin Hogwarts - if you mother says she knows what's going on and is happy for it to continue they will all pack up and go home.
What you have to change is YOU.
You have to realise things are not going to change - and live with it.
You have to understand that you can take a horse to water but you cant make it drink.
You need to work out what YOU will do when the house of cards falls down.
You need to realise banging you head against a brick wall is only going to hurt you.
As people have said before there is no helping people till they want to be helped - and your mother doesn't. She has shown you that on a number of occasions and to the authorities.
So stop.
You've said several times that your Mother defended your brother against police involvement.
She won't have family interfering.
Whoever you turn to, she will stick up for what your brother is doing.
There really is no magic wand to resolve this situation.
It has to start with your Mother - and she won't play ball.0 -
Oh well I expect many will be saying at least they wont have to pay for any Care as they have successfully given away all of their assets.
The sad thing is that you have no inheritance to look forward too, and why would your mother favour your brother in doing this and not give you anything.0 -
Unless it's considered as deprivation of assets.Rosieandjim wrote: »Oh well I expect many will be saying at least they wont have to pay for any Care as they have successfully given away all of their assets.
In which case if they do need care in the future - and the majority of people don't - they may be up the proverbial creek.
This makes me angry.Rosieandjim wrote: »The sad thing is that you have no inheritance to look forward too, and why would your mother favour your brother in doing this and not give you anything.
There is no inheritance until someone dies and leaves money or property to someone else in a will (or does inttestate and natual inheritance laws apply).
What decent person would 'look forward' to gaining financially from the death of someone else?0 -
I don't think there is a lot you can do, being in their 60s does not make them elderly or vulnerable, While they remain in denial and continue to defend his actions no external agencies can take any action. They need urgent independant professional financial advice, but only they can ask for that.
The loss of the house is really down to to their decision to go with an interest only mortgage, when from the sounds of it their income would have easily covered a repayment mortgage, so your brother is not fully to blame for the mess they are currently in.
Can you clarify their pension position, do they have a pension pot of £55k or an annual income of £55k. If the latter I am amazed that they could be in that position but be so financially clueless.0 -
Unless it's considered as deprivation of assets.
In which case if they do need care in the future - and the majority of people don't - they may be up the proverbial creek.
This makes me angry.
There is no inheritance until someone dies and leaves money or property to someone else in a will (or does inttestate and natual inheritance laws apply).
What decent person would 'look forward' to gaining financially from the death of someone else?
I couldn't care less about inheritance.0
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